The question of parenting

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2002
The question of parenting
Thu, 03-07-2013 - 7:51pm

I finally decided this was the place to go about this.  You guys can give this Catholic non-parent a view of parenting from a Catholic perspective

When my husband and I first married, my husband kept avoiding any discussion of parenting (didn't really come up in pre-cana, which I blame on the people writing the program in our parish.)  I knew my husband was scared of parenting.  Quite frankly, so was I, though I at least at some point wanted to talk about being foster parents.  I took the Pill for years; never got pregnant.

Time went on.  I guess I watched too much EWTN, and came to the conclusion that taking the Pill was wrong.  I stopped a year and a half ago, and DH went along.  Since then, we've not had much action in the bedroom, so think that pregnancy is unlikely.  Besides, a celibate marriage ain't so bad really.  I digress.

Tonight, I was watching an inspiring program on EWTN where they interviewed mothers of Down's Syndrome children.  I think they were realistic about both the challenges and rewards.  It seemed like the rewards outweighed the challenges.  I knew that there were many Down's children waiting to be adopted.  I broached the subject with DH.  He only emphasized that he never wants to be a any capacity.

This makes me sad.  I am warming to the idea of parenthood, while my husband remains cold.  Society keeps saying how great parents are.  Not that I want to be admired, but sometimes I wonder what I am missing out on.  I am a teacher.  I am around children frequently.  I don't like them any more or less than I do adults- they are just small people.  Wouldn't more people in your life be a blessing?  As a teacher, I also see the dark side of parenting.  It is to the point that I have trouble trusting the parents i do business with in my music teaching business.  I digress again.

I am rambling a lot, just throwing random thoughts out there.  But in short, what is the Catholic way of handling it when one of you is open to kids or adoption and the other is not?


Beth "Petrouchka"

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2000
Fri, 03-08-2013 - 3:04pm

Hi, Beth.  Wow, that's a tough question.  I'm sorry whoever was in charge of pre-cana never talked about this.  It was a pretty big part of our weekend classes.  I think (and I could be wrong because I still consider myself to be fairly new to Catholicism) the church teaches that a marriage should be open to the possibility of children.  Is your DH Catholic?  If so, is his faith important to him?  Would he be open to talking with someone at the church?  If his faith isn't very important to him, then it probably won't matter what the church says about marriage and children.  Has he told you exactly what he's afraid of?