Question RE: tubal ligation

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Question RE: tubal ligation
8
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 10:52am

Hi, I am a lurker here in need of some research sites, direction and opinion.

I had a tubal after my second child was born. I am a Catholic convert, but regrettably was not practicing when I had it. I won't go into all the reasons why, just that it is a big regret.

Fast forward to now, 5 years later, and the old familiar urge to have a baby is resurfacing. I have grown so much in my faith and I feel that having another baby would be adding to the joy in my family's lives and I think because my DH and I are on a much more spiritually secure level, the opportunity to raise another child would be so amazing.

Am I selfish? Did I forfeit my right to do this? And more importantly, what does the Church say about an issue like this? I spoke with a priest a few years ago about the regret of the procedure and at the time was ok with not having any more babies. He advised me to not use my body for purposes outside of the natural realm of marital joy just because there is no "fear of pregnancy" (He actually said it alot better than that, I am just paraphrasing) I haven't talked to a priest this time, because we are new to our area and I don't have a comfortable relationship there yet.

So, anyone? Any thought on this? I really appreciate any feedback.

Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 6:12pm

Welcome! I'm glad that you posted here with us. I also want you to know that I have no advise for you but that I did read your post. I will be thinking of you and praying for the Holy Spirit to guide you in your quest for answers. I know there are some women here who have been in your shoes and we discuss this topic somewhat frequently.

Welcome.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2000
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 8:30pm

Kind of in your boat. Had the 2 kids. Had the tubal. Had the regret. Have NOT had the desire for more kids. Maybe DH being the grandpa of 3 + one on the way has something to do with that! It was hard to reconcile being sorry for the tubal and regretting it, but at the same time being terrified at the idea of having more kids.

I would not see the problem with having more kids, if you could have a reversal procedure done. (Is that what you're thinking of?)

Websites that you might check are: ewtn and catholic-pages.com. I'm sure some other people will have some other suggestions.

Karen

 


PJPIIadoration.jpg picture by Kimberly_sahm

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2005
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 10:59pm

Welcome to our board. I'm glad that you felt comfortable enough with all of us to venture out of lurkdom.


From your post, it seems that you understand that the tubal litigation was in direct conflict to what the Catholic Church teaches and that you sincerely regret such a decision. To be forgiven, one must have this feeling of repentance, in a sense a sorrow for what one has done ... and although it must be a hard burden, this sorrow

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 4:50pm

Maria, you make some good points. I just want to share with you ladies, since we move so frequently we meet lots of doctors. I call a potential provider on the list and ask if they are still taking our ins and if they are pro-life. I don't even want anyone taking care of me or the kids if they are pro-choice. I believe the decisions they make are in direct result of their belief. I don't want to have a serious illness and be taken care of by someone who belives lives are purely expendable. It was hard to find pro-life Dr's in CA. I even had trouble finding a PEDIATRICAN who was pro-life!! Isn't that ironic?

What to know something even funnier...our last three Pediatricans have been Jewish?!




Edited 3/16/2005 12:01 am ET ET by kimberly_sahm
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2005
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 10:09pm

I agree.

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 4:19pm

I doubt there is any "official" position that says you should or should not try to have the TL reversed. An argument could be made that you should not undergo any unnecessary surgery to alter your body, just as an argument could be made that you should try to undo what's been done.

On a practical level, tubal ligation reversal has a very low success rate, and the stories on the Tubal Reversal message board are heartbreaking.

The first thought that came to my mind when I read your post is that if you feel strongly about raising another child, God may be calling you to raise someone else's child through adoption, not to bear more of your own. When my youngest was almost 5yo, I felt strongly that God was calling me to mother more children, but I didn't feel that that child necessarily had to be my biological child. DH and I did decide to have one of our own, but even though we feel we are "done," the possibility of adopting is always an option in my mind.

Kelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Thu, 03-17-2005 - 9:50am

Ladies, thank you for your responses. The websites were very helpful. I spent an entire evening searching through them and found tons of other stuff to look at while I was there. Maria, your personal webite has some wonderful links. What a treat!

I've spent alot of time praying and trying to figure out "Thy will, not mine". I think that the emotions I am feeling are a result of "empty nest syndrome" since my youngest is in school full day now and we are new to the area, so my days are long and lonely.

I have come to the conclusion that I will continue to pray for guidance and wait 6 months. If I am still feeling this way, I will revisit the issue in more detail. My OB warned me that due to the way he performs TL, reversal is not an easy option, so the financial burden and risks are big factors here.

In the meantime, I have been motivated to get more involved with the Mom's group at church. The Holy Spirit is amazing when you seek His guidance. Yesterday I went to the weekly meeting and the discussion was "Open to Life, Open to Blessings" from the Women of Grace Bible study. *goosebumps* The conversation was great and I was comfortable enough to discuss this with them. There is a mom there due with her 6th child and she was very sympathetic to the desire I have. Maybe she will let me be her mother's helper!

OK, rambling on... THANKS YOU ALL for your feedback. God provides:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Thu, 03-17-2005 - 10:48am
Happy St. Patrick's Day! I pray you find peace in your decision. I think you should be blessed to have met such a wonderful bible study at chruch. Maybe a mothers helper, a part-time nanny position or foster/adoptive mother is just what God has been calling you to do. "Thy will be done."