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|Mon, 10-06-2003 - 8:45pm|
I am searching for an opinion with respect to annulments granted in the Catholic church.
First some background information. My DH is 38 and grew up attending church in a very Catholic home. I am 34 and became a Catholic about 8 years ago after going through RCIA. My husband was married in his early 20's and the marriage only lasted 20 months. His ex-wife had an affair and she did not want to salvage the marriage. They separated and we met about 2 years later at which time his divorce was being finalized. We married in 1994. He never had an annulment and we were never married in the Catholic church. Although, we did have an Roman Catholic priest who attend our wedding(a family member that we were very close to). He had no objections to our wedding other than he
could not officiate (we knew he could not marry us and understood this and did not mind). 1 or 2 years later I started RCIA and became a Catholic. Our parish priest at the time was aware of our situation and never took issue. We subsequently had our DS in 1999, who was baptised and our DD, who is 6 months old, who is also baptised. The same priest babtised both our children and was aware of our situation and never took issue.
My DH and I looked into getting an annulment but decided against it because many of the
witnesses had moved throughout the country and at that time the cost was more that we could afford.
We attended church regularly until my DS attained the age of 18 months at which time we moved out of Province and waited until he got a little older. Since then we have been attending church weekly for the last few months, but after the service we attended this past Sunday, the results of which have me questioning my faith.
We live in Halifax, Nova Scotia. On September 28 we were hit with a devastating hurricane
where we along with hundreds of thousands of people have been hit with substatual personal and property damage. Many people are still with out power. We were lucky and our power was turned back on after 5 days. We were hoping to go to church this Sunday to find comfort with others and help find solace in the aftermath of this event.
We expected a sermon along the lines and with respect to the unfortunate current event. But instead, the priest maybe touch on this for about 3 minutes and instead lectured us about annulments and that person who was married before and, even if re-married, was with someone else they were nothing more that adulaters (spelling unsure). He said many times using this word that they were unwelcome in the church and that they were unable to take communion. I mean he went on and on and on. My husband was very embarrassed and uncomfortable as well as I. It was awful. I can’t express how he hammered on about how this topic. He used many times that word adulaters and my husband was nothing more than this.
Now my husband and I are not stupid we knew the position of our marriage with the church, but to hear it put that way was really too much.
What does that make our children, who in the eyes of the church, were both born out
of wedlock while my husband was married to someone else?
What does that make me? This is my first marriage and my last (I hope)?
How do you explain to your children what their father is and why he can’t take communion? This short marriage happened 15 years ago. We have been married for 10 years. We never even thought about approaching this with our children.
All I wanted was for our family to have a foundation in the church. Something my husband did and I did not. I wanted them to understand Christmas was more than Santa and Easter was more than a bunny. When I was doing a history report in grade 8, I had ask my mom if the Pope was Catholic (I’m not kidding - that’s how little religion I had in my life). I wanted more for my children.
Do I continue to attend without my husband but with my kids. My DS is due to start
children’s liturgy shortly?
Do we sit in silence feeling as we do not belong?
Do we look for another religion more accepting of our family circumstances?
What I feel like now is filing a human rights complaint. That’s just because I am tired, stressed and saddened. We have really had a terrible week. I went to church Sunday to find solace in the wake of tragedy and ended up leaving with my heart even more deeply saddened.
If you made it this far you deserve a big bowl of ice cream on me. If you think we are heathens,you need not reply. I could not even imagining feeling any lower than I do now if I tried.