Re-entering the Fold?

Avatar for munchkinmom98
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Re-entering the Fold?
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Mon, 11-03-2003 - 4:24pm
Hello, I am (was?) Catholic. I stopped attending Mass because I was frustrated with attempting to get an annulment. A little background info - I was previously married, to a non-Catholic in a non-Catholic ceremony. So there was no problem with me getting an annulment. My dh is not Catholic and was also married in a non-Catholic ceremony previously. He still had to get an annulment even though he is not Catholic, and his ex-wife was generally making is very difficult for us. I became frustrated and we just decided to get married anyway, and then if we were able to get his annulment, we could later have our marriage blessed by a priest.

So, now we are married, but not in the eyes of the church. I have begun to attend Mass again, although rather irregularly, even though I do not participate in the Sacraments. I have a daugher from my first marriage who is going to CCD class. My dh and I are trying to have another child.

I have a couple of questions: will I be permitted to baptize any future children I have? My dh is agreeable to raising our children Catholic, but will I be permitted since I am not "technically" married? Also, I would be interested in hearing others' experiences with annulments. What happens if the ex-spouse refuses to grant the annulment? How long can they drag this out?

Thanks so much!

Liberty

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2000
Mon, 11-03-2003 - 7:51pm
First of all - welcome back.

To my knowledge, you would be able to baptize any future children, even with your marriage situation as is.

However, you would want to try to resolve that as soon as possible.

An anullment is not something that an ex-spouse grants. It is granted by the Church. While the process is probably easier if the ex cooperates, it is my understanding that it is certainly possible with a non-cooperative ex.

My Catholic DH was married in a Catholic ceremony to his Catholic ex. I do not know if she cooperated or not. I know she was not very happy when she got the letter from the Tribunal. The process probably took less than 2 years. (It's been a while - we've been married for 10 years, the anullment was a few years before that.) I would think that an anullment of a non-Catholic wedding of non-Catholic people would be a whole lot quicker.

Good luck!

Karen

PS - I once taught a "Liberty". Neat name!

 


PJPIIadoration.jpg picture by Kimberly_sahm

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 11-03-2003 - 9:58pm
I have a couple of questions: will I be permitted to baptize any future children I have?

You will need to speak with your pastor. Being in an irregular Marriage situation may cause some concern however understanding that you are now free to marry again solves half of that issue. As a single Catholic parent your obligation is to attend Mass. If you choose to live together as husband and wife you are correct that you cannot receive Communion or any other Sacraments. That should not stop your child from being Baptized and raised in the Catholic Faith.

What happens if the ex-spouse refuses to grant the annulment?

The "ex-spouse" dosen't grant or not grant the annulment the Church Tribunal does that based on the facts of the case.

How long can they drag this out? It really does depend on how long the union lasted. how cooperative all the parties are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 11:18am
First of all, welcome home! I'm sure there are frustrations ahead, but I'm certain they'll be mixed with many rewards.

There is no reason you can't have your children baptized Catholic, and raise them in the faith. It is good that you're attending Mass, and you're right in not receiving communion until your husband's annulment is granted and you get married in the Church.

About annulments -- although it may make things more difficult at first with a non-cooperative ex-spouse, she can't stand in the way of the process. As I understand it, she has the right to participate, but if she chooses not to, the Church moves on without her input.

Good luck and God's blessings.

Polly

Avatar for munchkinmom98
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Thu, 11-06-2003 - 1:48pm
When my dh is granted his annullment, will we have to actually get married again? Or would we just have our union blessed or something? Would we have two anniversaries? That could be good, LOL. Just wondering.

Liberty

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 11-09-2003 - 3:47pm
I think when you have your marriage blessed, it is an actual ceremony, but without the fanfare -- eg, just the two of you and the priest, and maybe witnesses. I'm really not certain though. Someone on this board should know.

Two anniversaries wouldn't help me -- it would just mean that twice a year we'd decide we didn't have the money for a big celebration and gifts! LOL! I was married Dec. 27, but we celebrate June 27, because we're always broke and exhausted from the holidays on our real anniversary.

Polly

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sun, 11-09-2003 - 7:17pm
I know our parents & grandprnts celebrate their 25th & 50th anniversaries w/large ceremonies & festivities, as something regularly done in the Catholic Church. That's what it reminds me of, your title, the Fold- which is defined as "a: a flock of sheep b: a group of people or institutions that share a common faith, belief, activity, or enthusiasm"- something I never saw before. Thanks for sharing, your faith.





iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 2:51pm
I'm confused. Did I misread the original post? Why would someone who was not Catholic and not married in a Catholic Church need an annulment? Why would the Church grant an annulment to someone who isn't Catholic and wasn't married in a Catholic Church?

Joan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 3:24pm
I guess that you are not looking at Marriage from a Catholic standpoint. All Marriage is subject to Gods laws, since it is He who established Marriage. Christ raised Marriage to the level of a Sacrament, any valid Marriage between any two validly Baptized persons is always a Sacrament, with an unbreakable Bond. Christ placed His Catholic Church in the position of overseeing His Sacraments.

The original poster (a Catholic) wants to enter into Marriage with someone who was already Married. In order for her to be able to do that he will need to show that his first attempt at Marriage was somehow invalid.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 11-25-2003 - 2:51pm
Ok, so why do two Catholics who were married in a civil ceremony need to have their marriage "blessed" by the Church? If it's a valid, sacramental marriage, why does the Church even suggest having a marriage blessed? If any marriage is a Sacramental marriage (if both are Baptized) then what difference does it make if it's in the Catholic Church or not? Isn't a Sacrmental marriage enough? What does the Church add to it by blessing it? What could it add?


But that's out on a tangent.

I've heard of people getting married in the Church to people who had been married before, but not in the Church. They said that it was "not a problem". I wonder if the priests were not following the rules, or if the people just weren't elaborating on what "not a problem" involved. :-) I never knew that non-Catholics had to have their first marriages annulled. Thanks for the info. :-)

Joan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 11-25-2003 - 4:20pm
Any VALID marriage between two Baptized persons is a Sacrament. The word "Valid" is the key word. A Marriage is valid when both persons are free to marry, freely and intentionally enter into the Marriage according to the rules and laws of their religion and the civil laws. (in a nut shell) For a Marriage to be valid for a Catholic all the requirenents of Canon law must be met or dispensed from by a Bishop. Normally two Catholics or a Catholic and a non-Catholic who Marry in a civil ceremony violate Canon Law because a witness of the Church (Priest or Deacon usually) must witness the vows. A Bishops permission must be received before a Catholic can Marry a non-Catholic or non-Christian. Most diocese require 6 months of Marriage preparation be completed and documented especially when a non-Catholic is involved.

Having a Marriage "Blessed" covers a wide range of Convalidations. Many Non-Catholics who married validly in another denomination request the rite if the "Nuptual Blessing" of the Catholic Church. This has nothing to do with the validity of the Marriage.

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