Soooo upset

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Soooo upset
13
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 10:49am

I found out over the weekend that my devoutly Catholic grandfather and his parents were baptized in death by my LDS sister. Her family is the only LDS branch of our family tree. I cannot express how upset this has made me. I literally feel like someone punched me in the stomach. I do understand why they did it. I know that it holds no meaning unless you believe in it. However, my grandfather knew about the LDS church in life and he rejected it. I am so angry that my sister and her husband took it upon themselves to do this. They didn't tell any of the family. Not even my grandma (his wife) knew about it. It just feels like a huge violation to me. It feels like anyone's beliefs can be brushed under the carpet when they're gone. It feels like all of the things he held sacred in life are null and void because this band of family decided that his beliefs were wrong so they'd just "fix it" for him. This sister is having Thanksgiving at her house next week and I am seriously considering not going just because I can't guarantee that I won't say something I can't take back. They keep telling my mom that we just don't understand, but I do understand. And if what they did was so great, then why not let everyone know about it before they did it?

Sorry, I'm rambling. I'm just very sad and upset by this. My mom told them last night (after she let it slip) that several of us were upset by this. BIL sent out an email to all of us making no apologies but offering to point us to scripture to justify their actions. I have never in my life wanted to tell someone what to do with their "scripture" as badly as I do right now. I'm wondering if it would have been better just not knowing. :(






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Avatar for mrsrichards
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: cl_jenastar
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 3:27pm
Oh no, I can see

 

Ann, married to my best friend since June 5, 1999

Happy Mom to 4 boys:  Phillip (9/00), Kevin (5/02), Matthew (10/03) and Jonathan (7/06).  And 1 Girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: cl_jenastar
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 3:49pm

I can understand why you're upset. My SIL was a baptized (although non-practicing) Catholic and to this day it bothers me that she didn't get a Catholic funeral.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2000
In reply to: cl_jenastar
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 8:55pm

I would be upset, too.

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
In reply to: cl_jenastar
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 12:10pm

Jen,


I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I'm speechless.


Pyzam Family Sticker Toy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
In reply to: cl_jenastar
Wed, 11-18-2009 - 10:49am

LOL, your "snot" blinkie almost made coffee come out of my nose! That's cute!

Thanks for the reply. I have had a couple of days to wrap my head around the whole debacle. I do take comfort in the fact that it doesn't mean anything. While I do respect my sister's right do her beliefs and I understand *why* they do this, it doesn't make it any easier to swallow.







iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
In reply to: cl_jenastar
Wed, 11-18-2009 - 10:55am

Polly, I'm sorry to hear that your sister didn't get a Catholic funeral. That has to be difficult too.

I totally agree with you on the point you made about baptizing her kids on the sly in order to protect them. I know darn well that, while it would be "meaningless" to them, they would still feel violated and disrespected. This is the point they seem to be missing. You are right about my grandpa probably laughing at all of this. I can picture it in my mind, and that's really what is pulling my head out of the gutter on this one.







iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
In reply to: cl_jenastar
Wed, 11-18-2009 - 11:03am

Karen, I have no clue what the point is. They keep sending literature to the upset members of the family, but it still doesn't make any sense nor is it helping. They keep quoting the Book of Mormon, which (to me, and I don't mean this to sound as disrespectful as it does) may as well be a quote from a John Grisham novel for as much weight as it carries with me. Just a simple acknowledgment that they understand how this might be considered disrespectful would make this so much easier. Instead, they went into missionary-mode. I wish they would understand that they don't need to defend their faith to me. I understand it is their faith, and I can't fault them for that. It just comes down to respect for the rest of the family.

I decided to not go to Thanksgiving this year. It may seem immature to some, but I just can't do it next week. I keep going back and forth, but I honestly don't think I can look at them right now. Hopefully my feelings will have changed by Christmas. I'd hate to not have the family all in one place for our annual Christmas Eve dinner. I am so thankful that DH is with me on whatever I decide to do.







iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
In reply to: cl_jenastar
Wed, 11-18-2009 - 11:07am
Thanks so much, Ruth. You are right, and this is exactly how I'm going about it. If anything, this has just solidified my own faith even more. :)






Avatar for my2craigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: cl_jenastar
Fri, 11-20-2009 - 2:26am

I'm so sorry that this happened Jen.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2009
In reply to: cl_jenastar
Fri, 11-20-2009 - 6:25am

You should ask your sister how she would feel if you baptised her family in the Catholic faith on their death bed or after they were dead.

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