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|Tue, 02-22-2011 - 10:41am|
I've been trying to find advice/support on my usual boards, but I think it's very hard for non-Catholics to understand my feelings. I'm Geneva. My husband and I have a two-year-old son and are 16 weeks pregnant (finally!) with our second. My younger sister is in the midst of a divorce and she and her two daughters (3 and 2) live with us. They have been living with us for over a year and a half, and I kind of suppressed my irritation because I knew it was not helpful. My sister has spent the entire time not working and not going to school, and I have taken on a sort of surrogate husband role, waking up with her kids and being her constant emotional support. It took a very long time before my nieces stopped screaming and crying at night, and things with her husband settled down, too, but she was too afraid of a custody battle to file for divorce.
Recently, she began dating. She had a brief and very inadvisable fling with a man I used to know, where she went out two times, and then went over to his apartment and had sex with him twice before he told her he really wasn't interested in a relationship. I was so hurt and angry that she proved to be so untrustworthy, and terrified that she was pregnant when I myself was in the midst of my third miscarriage. She swore that it would never happen again, and she didn't conceive either of those nights. She cried a lot and needed a lot of emotional support, multiple trips to confession, etc. I thought she had learned her lesson. She met another man, and they began dating. At first, she followed my advice and only went on dates during daylight hours, and they discussed religious and social preferences, etc. He seemed to have all the right answers, but I warned her that relationships always seem to go well in the beginning, and not to make any rash decisions. Well, she has basically told me that she is a grown adult, and doesn't have to listen to my rules. Every night she has been putting her kids to bed and then leaving for his apartment to spend the night. She stumbles in at dawn every day, and she has moved toiletries over to his place so she can shower there. They have only been dating for one month.
I've been swinging back and forth between concern and anger. I really don't want to see her hurt, but she should really know better. Her decisions are so flawed. She and her soon to be ex husband have agreement that new boyfriends/girlfriends won't be introduced for six months, and her new boyfriend is Lutheran. She asked him to come to church with her every week, and has been leaving her children with their father instead of making sure they get to mass. She hasn't even finalized her divorce yet, and she still has an annulment to get through, but she intends to marry her new boyfriend. She has admitted that she plans on probably living with him before they get married, and if the annulment takes too long,