Well, I quit one thing....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Well, I quit one thing....
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Wed, 06-24-2009 - 5:40pm

So a few events yesterday totally broke the camels back regarding co- leading the choir and I just had it.

I am probably being over sensitive/over reacting... call it what you will, but it isn't worth my sanity so I told Father T that I didn't want to sing anymore.

Lets see... I have asked the other leader for the weekends he knows he will be away this summer like 4 times and he hasn't said anything yet! Sorry, but I as well as any piano player I need to find would like more than a weeks notice! Oh, lets not forget that there will be weekends when he will just take off.!!! *grrr* 2nd we are in charge of the inauguration mass in two weekends. We agreed that rehearsals needed to start like two weeks ago. Wait wait wait for him to let me know when he is free! COME ON! So finally I started spreding the word that regardless if he can make it, Thursday we will meet. Well, I emailed him yesterday to let him know and conveniently, he didn't get my email until after he emailed everyone in our choir (nevermind that it is supposed to be a combined choir) that they will get together tonight. Yeah, thats lots of notice!! (insert sarcasm here) THEN he casually tells me last night at the grade 8 grad Mass that he replaced Amazing Grace from the line up. HELLO!!! Do you think you can share that info with me??? (I still don't know what the new choice is) WTF!!! I have been telling musicians what we are playing and he hasn't given me the curtasy to let me know I have been handing out the wrong list???

It may not seem like much, but come on. He is NOT the only leader!! It isn't like I am 'vice' leader here. I am not only in charge when he is away. We are supposed to be a Team!! And he isn't a Team player! Anyway, after the Grad Mass last night, I told father that I quit and that I didn't want to sing anymore. I called him this morning to clarify and stupid me started crying again. (this would be the 2nd time I have literally cried to him) He understands my point of view and has encouraged me not to stop singing and that he and the Liturgy council want me to stay on board as Music Minister. (As a Co Music Minister, I make darn sure I am touching base with the other guy and include him!)

Anyway, thanks for the Rant!!!




Marianne, mom to Margaret (01/02), Elizabeth (03/04) and Annabelle (07/07)

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Marianne, mom to Margaret (01/02), Elizabeth (03/04) and Annabelle (07/07)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2005
Wed, 06-24-2009 - 6:32pm

So basically after you told Father you were quitting (and I'd certainly back you up on that!), Father agreed with you......but then encouraged you to stay and that he and the Liturgy Committee wants you to stay? So......are you quitting or staying? I would never want to work with that other guy either. I do hope you weren't talked into changing your mind about quitting.


Ruth V

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-24-2009 - 6:55pm

Confusing eh?? *grin*

Not only was a leader for this one choir (the church has 3) I am also co Music Minister for the Parish which means I sit in on the Liturgy meetings. Basically, I will still be the other guys 'boss' ;)

Father T doesn't want me to quit singing, which I am totally prepared to take a break from, so he doesn't want me to quit the actually choir. But agrees that I could step down as leader/captain. Whether or not he will assign someone else, I don't know and frankly I don't care as long as it isn't me. :)




Marianne, mom to Margaret (01/02), Elizabeth (03/04) and Annabelle (07/07)

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Marianne, mom to Margaret (01/02), Elizabeth (03/04) and Annabelle (07/07)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2005
Wed, 06-24-2009 - 7:21pm

OK - I think I get it now. So you can still stay on the liturgy committee (that, I think if I were in your shoes, I would stay there), but you've quit being leader of the particular choir that was driving you batty. That's what I would agree with you on as well. And as far as quitting singing altogether, you'll have to go with what you think is best for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2007
Thu, 06-25-2009 - 1:30am

Aw geez, I'm so sorry it came to this! I know you would have been an effective leader had things not been so crazy with the other guy. Is it possible that Father was hoping someone else could get this other music leader on a different page and get him to cooperate more with people? Or did this guy feel like you were trying to take over as leader altogether? It certainly sounds like either he's insecure about that or he's way too self assured for his own good.

I realize in your frustration typing the post, it sounded clear to you, but as I read it I wasn't sure if you are leaving the music ministry completely and staying on board with the Liturgy Council. It could be that I am reading this at 1:20-something in the morning and I'm not entirely unwound from a long day culminated by an insolent teenager who felt a need to criticize everyone and everything between telling me goodnight and finally reaching his door. I was tired but now I'm wound up again....*sigh* Sorry to threadjack with a mini-vent. Just felt a need to clarify why I was asking if I understood you correctly.

~Trish

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
the rains fall soft upon your fields
and until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of His hand.
--old Irish blessing

Irish siggy courtesy beaches59

~Trish

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
the rains fall soft upon your
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-25-2009 - 2:03am
No, I'm not leaving the Liturgy council. I am, however, taking a break from the choir. We had a practice tonight and he didn't just change one song, he changed all but 3. I had to leave early, I was just so pissed/hurt I couldn't handle it any longer. I should mention that I was going to take a break months ago, but then Father asked me to lead so I stuck around until the old leader moved. Heck, he asked me to Lead Months before he asked the other guy!! *grr* Really, and truly, I do feel as though a huge weight has been lifted... but I am the type that has a hard time letting go (I still get worked up over some of the crap an ex-boyfriend did to me back in High School) Hopefully, after a lot of prayer, I will get past this. :)



Marianne, mom to Margaret (01/02), Elizabeth (03/04) and Annabelle (07/07)

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Marianne, mom to Margaret (01/02), Elizabeth (03/04) and Annabelle (07/07)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2009
Thu, 06-25-2009 - 7:26am

>I do feel as though a huge weight has been lifted


I think you made the right decision!

Roz

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2005
Thu, 06-25-2009 - 11:05am

Though things can't always be wonderful all the time, I always feel that if I'm not enjoying a ministry more often than not, that's when to let it go. I've done that twice in the last five to ten years. I'm Family Ministry Coordinator and the parish playgroup (which I started in 1980) was part of that. I was ready to hand that one over to another mom way before someone finally stepped up and offered to do it in 2002. Unfortunately that playgroup stopped meeting altogether in January of this year because no moms were coming! I did feel a slight twinge of regret over that since it had been one of my very first "babies" at the parish. But I was over it pretty quickly. I figure nothing lasts forever! LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Thu, 06-25-2009 - 6:39pm

(((Marianne))) What a mess it has turned into. I don't blame you one bit for just wanting out! So, did you decide to quit or did Fr. convince you to stay? Have you considered taking a week or two off before making a permanent decision? Maybe your "co director" will have had an epiphany during that time (fingers crossed!).

Please let us know how this progresses. (((hugs)))








iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-25-2009 - 11:39pm

NO, as far as I am concerned, I am taking a break. I don't plan on going back until maybe the fall and even then, I don't know. I have been neglecting the whole bring the kids to Mass thing b/c I am in the choir and DH doesn't attend. It will be Meg's first Eucurist next year, and I feel she needs to go to Mass regardless.

If I feel the need to sing for a Mass, I will start going to the week day Masses and sing the response there ;)

I know Father T will try and get me back singing, but sorry, not anytime soon. He is leaving for the summer anyway.




Marianne, mom to Margaret (01/02), Elizabeth (03/04) and Annabelle (07/07)

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Marianne, mom to Margaret (01/02), Elizabeth (03/04) and Annabelle (07/07)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2009
Sat, 06-27-2009 - 9:15am

There are seasons in our life when we can't do certain things. Your first and foremost responsibility as a parent is to raise your children in the Faith... and since dh is not there to sit with the girls at Mass; it falls fully on your shoulders... you can't be an effective choir member/leader with a child that needs you during Mass..... I dont' think you need to worry about this any more.... if anyone asks, you simply say your chidlren are your priority and bring the girls to Mass each weekend......


Renee


Wife to Scott


Mom to: Madeleine, James,

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