4 year old out of control

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2007
4 year old out of control
3
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 10:58pm

hi! i am mommy to twin 4 year old boys. i was a single mom intil a month before their 3rd birthday. i am now married to a man other then their father. their father basically disowns them and has not been involved since 2 months. i have had to change day cares ( i work full time) due to me not liking how things were being handled. they are finally in one that i am satisfied with, so far!

theres the background...heres the problem. the "younger twin" will not stop whining, crying, back talking, screaming, tantrums, he does not listen unless he wants to. i have tried everything all which i feel bad about...i spanked, time out, tapped his mouth, put him in his room and shut the door cause i cannot take it, i have taken tv time, toys, my children dont get cndy, cake, cookies...unless special occasion. i have stopped from going to the park... everything and i have taken sometime with it... but nothing seems to work.. everybody that has them outside of myself says they are great...even my husband the baby acts better for him my biggest fear is they start pre k next month and i dont want him acting out like this in school. the "older" one is very helpful, calm, he listens...he does act out but rarely and not as bad as his brother...i have done the same techniques with both and i just do not understand....pleassseeee help me!!

mom in meltdown!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 10:19am
Mom in Meltdown,
(((Hugs))) boy do I know where you are right now. I have a 5yo DS and 3yo DD. My 3yo is the same way that your youngest twin is. Everybody says that she is great with them and never have a problem. But for what ever reason DD has learned to manipulate threw crying and temper tantrums. I now send her to her room until she can get it under-control and shut the door. That way no attention for bad behavior. Now when she is just being whiny I ask her to use her words and ask for what she wants. I also use alot of positive reinforcement by saying when there is not a temper tantrum "I like how you..." or you are really doing great today I like it when you do not cry for what you want.
Ds dose the back talking and I make sure he gets corrected right away and that he is not allowed to talk to me that way. I love how his kindergarten rules help with this. They state that You are not allowed to hurt people on the out side or the inside. I have been reminding DS that hurting people on the inside not only includes name calling but talking back. He also gets a time out and has to apologise at the end and state what he did wrong in that apology.
Consistency is the key with any of this! HTH
Joan

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2007
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 10:49pm

Thanks for your reply!

I also do the apology and he has to say why he was in time out. Then during that situation he usually winds back in time out because he will either say it very mean, starting tantrum, throw things... I have to admit I see myself in him alot. I have even been trying to change how I handle everyday situations etc.
If we are out somewhere, say at a park and there are children or adults becoming aggressive I remove my boys from the situation. I do that thinking he doesnt need any help!!

Today I sent him to his room because we were doing the alphabet (i have a big poster that they point at as the say the letters) and when it was his turn he started screaming and crying, he would count instead, or he would say the wrong letter even though he knew what it was. Well while he was in his room he threw things and screamed(no sarcasm with this) like I was beating him. It was seriously scarey for me! I could hear him outside screaming and throwing things. When he screams like that I cannot help but feel ashamed and as though I am failing as a parent! Then I tend to think sometimes that its one out of two!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 10:32am
I know it is hard but hang in there! When he is doing this he is trying to push your buttons. I would have him help you to clean up after he gets done. It also sounds like he is frustrated with situations easily. You may need to help him get threw that by doing some breathing techniques. When it first starts try getting him to breath in threw his nose and out threw his mouth to calm himself. Teach him this while he is calm. I had a friend that realized her son was easily frustrated and did this and it worked well. Some times she just holds him on her lap and dose the breathing exercise. When he would calm down she would talk to him and explain what was wrong or let him tell her what was wrong.
HTH
Joan