4 yr old nephew not loving to his mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2009
4 yr old nephew not loving to his mom
1
Wed, 01-28-2009 - 8:45pm

My sister is having a tough time with her 4 yr old son.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 01-29-2009 - 4:42pm

He is at an age where kids start to pull away from their parents, especially their mothers. They start to not like too much public displays of affection. Admittedly some kids will still hold hands, give hugs and kisses but many start to feel uncomfortable and believe only babies do that. Since they want to be big kids they don't want to have any "baby things" done to them. As hard as it is you need to let them be if that is what they want. If you try to insist it will make it harder for them to work past this stage. My dd doesn't want to hold hands most of the time because she is "not a baby any more and I know where to go." Often most mornings she doesn't want a good-bye hug when I drop her off at school. We have three ways we will say good-bye and I'll ask her which she wants today -- a)hugs, b)the I love you sign and c)"hug understood", which is where we put our arms in a circle and say "hug understood". We both smile and sometimes laugh about our good-bye and we both go away feeling good and happy. I got to say good-bye and she got to control how it was done. Because I am respecting her need to grow up, she will hold my hand when safety is involved without complaining. She will come to me and ask if we can snuggle and read books together.

Do I wish I would get the hugs and kisses more often? Yes, but I know that I can't force this stuff and I need to respect my kids need to grow up and control some portion of their lives.