4yr old won't do group activity

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2008
4yr old won't do group activity
4
Sat, 04-05-2008 - 10:53am

we have signed my 4yr old up for soccer and the days leading up to it we talk about it and he gets excited. the moment we show up to practice he gets shy and won't play. not only will he not play but he hides behind our legs and cries if we try and convince him he will have fun. this same thing happens at bday parties. he won't join in any activities where they are required to do things individually, like doing an obstacle course. i have been very patient and not forced him to play but am not sure this is the right appraoch. i am afraid he will think he never has to do individual activities or have a spotlight on him and i think this will do more harm than good as he gets older.


does any have any advice on what the best approach is. my goal is to not scare him into doing anything but help him become comfortable with

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2006
Mon, 04-07-2008 - 1:33pm

hmmm...I am sure he will grow out of this, so I wouldn't push him yet.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2008
Mon, 04-07-2008 - 4:36pm

thanks for your response. here is the crazy thing. he is in preschool and does very well and has many friends and we do regular playdates. he isn't shy, participates in circle time, etc. he has had swimming lessons and does fine, and typcially does well in group settings. what i think is the problem is he doesn't like attention focused mainly on him. so i think when he is on the soccer field he gets nervous that the parents will watch him or attention will be focused on him when he gets the ball., so he refuses to get no the field at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Tue, 04-08-2008 - 10:29am

I

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2006
Tue, 04-08-2008 - 12:08pm

I agree with Carletta. If he seems to do fine in preschool and participates in activities there and plays with, rather than along side, of the other children, then he's fine. He may be shy because he is unsure of himself and playing the game. You'd be surprised, but 4 is when my son started worrying about how he looked and what was considered cool/uncool. I didn't think this would happen so soon, but everything starts earlier and earlier.

Talk to the couch about what is going on and see if he/she may be able to help. Your son may just feel like the new kid if he doesn't know any of the other children. This is also the "wonderful" age of "he's my friend/ you're not my friend" battles between kids (my son's preschool class is going through this phase right now!). Try to talk to him and find out what is really going on. Hopefully you can find something that works for the two of you but if he still doesn't want to play, I wouldn't push it.