Always pushing for more

Avatar for limute
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Always pushing for more
12
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 9:37am
DS (5 next month) is always pushing for more...for example, if we say he can have one book to read, he asks, then cries for another after the first is done. If we say he can ride his bicycle in the driveway, he starts edging out into the street, coming back only when I say he'll have to stop altogether.

At home, if we are doing one activity, he always wants to take it further and further...like gluing paper together, he wants the stick glue, then the bottle glue, then more paper, then other items, then he gets another idea of what to do...running around, trying to find everything, pulling things out all over the place and making a mess. And of course, throwing a huge fit if I say "one thing at a time" or insist that he helps clean up the mess he made. I feel like I'm living the "if you give a mouse a cookie" book. If he is eating dinner, he wants this or that and this and this and more mustard and more to drink and another napkin and and and and and...

It always feels like a strain. The thing is, I never give in to the second book or whatever, and still every time it's a big tantrum. I will set his dinner plate down and say "That's it, finish it and then you'll get more" but he still asks anyway for this and that. Truly, if I accomodated him, I would literally just spend an hour running back and forth from him to the fridge.

It just gets so unenjoyable because he always wants more more more and I could spend every waking hour just fetching the things that he wants me to get. I don't get it why, even with set limits, it's still this constant push, to the extreme that it's just really unpleasant. I've come to hate doing things for him because he always wants MORE, especially when the inevitable tantrum starts when I say "no more!" You would think he'd used to it by now.

I don't know if I'm explaining the situation well. Is this a phase he will eventually grow out of, or what?

~ Limute

Three by the Sea

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 4:26pm
It is just a kid thing. They are testing your patience, their limits, etc. and in some ways though it doesn't feel like it, I think it is a good thing and a part of developing their personalities. Trying to gain control, in some cases. I've learned you have to pick your battles, and stick to your guns...if you say NO MORE then stick to it or the problem just worsens. If it makes you feel any better, I think MOST kids do that. Some just worse than others, or more often than others. Eventually it lessens. My daughter is 4 1/2 and she still does that A LOT but she has improved, even 6 months ago she was still throwing the tantrums whereas now she just pouts, still not great but it's a lot quieter ;-) However my friend's dd is 9 and STILL screams and throws herself around trying to get "more" of whatever it is, pushing her limits w/ apparently no boundaries, and I hate to point a finger but I think part of the problem there is the parents give her "more" usually. Good luck with this! Gretchen
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 12:53pm
My only advice is be consistent, keep doing what you are doing. My DD does this also, especially at bedtime. (or maybe I notice it more since I am tired also).

I know you are going through a lot of family issues, he could be just testing to see how far he can get with everything going on?

Kris, Shelby(2/99), Taylor(3/02)

Avatar for maddiekaysmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 2:02pm
My Maddie (11/98) does the same. We got the tantrums under control real quick though. I cannot stand whinning. So, if she does, she gets sent to her room, or has to sit down. The newest is she will lose her favorite toy. But I totally understand. I just want to cry if I see her coming towards me once I have finally gotten to sit down on the couch. I KNOW she wants something. And pushes most of the time with every activity. If it is the tantrums that you are wanting to stop, I would start with a talk to make him understand that if he throws a tantrum, he will be punished. Then back that up. Hugs to you and just remember how much you love him.

josie

Maddie (11/98) & Kay (3/00)

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 2:58pm
My opinion is that he's finding out where the boundaries are. If you give in just one time to him when he asks for more, then he knows he can stretch those boundaries with you. He'll know you're a softie if he pushes you just a little bit.

If it were me, I wouldn't care if it made him cry, I'd say no and stick to it. Those are the rules, and I'm the boss. Period.

Rebecca
Loving wife to David (3-2

Avatar for limute
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 3:00pm
Thanks for the advice! I do always say no, it just hasn't stopped him from always asking! I guess he just likes to keep pushing those boundries.

~ Limute

Three by the Sea

Avatar for limute
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 3:02pm
I know what you mean about wanting to cry if you see them coming, LOL! Thanks. I've started the lose-a-toy part now too.

~ Limute

Three by the Sea

Avatar for limute
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 3:04pm
Yes, it might be exacerbated by the whole family situation going on. I'll just plugging away at being firm. Thanks!

~ Limute

Three by the Sea

Avatar for limute
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 3:09pm
Oh yea, testing my patience is right, LOL! Thanks. I do try to pick my battles, be consistent and firm, I'm just amazed at this behavior going on and on. It may be that he is very stubborn, really likes to push, is upset at all the family stuff going on around him, or a combination of all of that.

Thanks for your advice.

~ Limute

Three by the Sea

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 10:17am
Hi Limute, how did I miss this one? My DD is the exact same way. You'd think that with setting clear boundaries and proving over and over that you are not giving in, that they would eventually "get it".......*sigh*

Sorry, no real advice from me. All I can say is that I've accepted it as part of her temperment, but I still stand my ground. And tell myself that when she's older, her persistance will be seen as an asset. ;o)

Lisa

DS-07/95 & DD-04/99





     Lisa
and her two "whirlwinds"
     DS-13 & DD-9

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 12:11pm
Oh boy, I know EXACTLY what you mean. I have to be consistent w/ my son every minute. If he would just let up once in awhile then I would be able to give in once in awhile...but no.

What has worked well for me is use of a load kitchen timer with a bell. I explain what we are going to do and have the supplies needed laid out in advance. I tell him when the bell goes off we are going to clean up or put our story books away, etc.

I also try to allow him more freedom. He was a big one on make me this snack then he would change his mind or need this or that. Now he helps himself. I have a snack drawer for dry goods and one in the fridge. He has to ask for a snack then I tell him he can choose a snack and a drink. If he forgets a spoon or napkin - I remind him and tell him he can help himself he is a big boy now. Same at the dinner table. I serve family style and have the kids plates ready before we sit down. If he wants a topping or different spoon or whatever he has to ask then we say you can get it you are getting big enough.

I think this process is teaching him to think things through and make himself happy.

As for as crafts I prepare in advice and lay them out. If he asks for more I explain that I need those supplies in the desk for a different project but I will give the left overs to him when I am done or next time.

i also have a sticker chart with five chores on it. His particular chores are: Pick up your room before bed; Help clear the kitchen table after dinner, fill the cats water bowl each morning, and fold the wash cloths. he gets a sticker for each time he does it and when the page of squares is full he can pick out a $5 toy from the store. It sometimes takes him a good 2 weeks to fill up the chart. This is kind of his allowance. And he can choose to save the $5.00 (he gets cash) and can get a bigger toy later on.

Anyway, hope these ideas help you. They are testing their boundaries and us which is perfectly normal. I keep reminding myself to let him grow and do for himself even it if makes a mess or drives me bonkers. Good luck

Pages