Bad news about FIL...

Avatar for limute
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Bad news about FIL...
15
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 8:04pm
He just finished a course of chemo treatment...and the tests showed it did nothing. Nothing. They are going to try another drug starting tomorrow, and say he really won't have more than a year.

DH is devastated. Things have been getting worse at home. DH thinks I'm not appreciating his parents enough. Both kids and I were really sick with the flu last week, DH was annoyed with us. My mom came up to help care for us (at one point, I was throwing up so much I couldn't venture out of the bathroom for two days) and she was upset at how DH was--not even wanting to hug his son. Even when DS asked! And no, I can't get him to go to any type of counseling. I may take me and the kids, though. My older DS doesn't understand why he can't see Grandma and Grandpa anymore (they can't get sick b/c of FIL's chemo) and why Daddy's so mad all the time.

On the positive side, my ILs finally told my parents, so I don't have to keep it secret from them any more.

This is really tough. Thanks for letting me unload here.

~ Limute

Three by the Sea

Pages

Avatar for sparkysmom97
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 8:18pm
I'm so sad with your news about everything. At least you can talk to your parents now and that might give you some relief. I'll keep praying that your DH finds the strength to deal with all of this for your family's sake. Keep coming here Limute to share your feelings and thoughts with us. You have to continue to place them somewhere, so please use us.

I'll continue to pray for peace for you all,


Karen

Sparks

Avatar for crackermommaof2
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 8:50pm
I am so sorry for what you are going through. All I can think to do is keep you all in my prayers. I hope you are feeling much better from your flu episode, as if you needed that on top of everything else. Take care.

Stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 12:42am
So sorry to hear about your FIL and your DH's behavior. Wishing you strength and support and a return to health.

Laura O.

Avatar for behind_blue_eyes
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 2:23am
Oh honey, I'm so sorry to hear that! I'll keep your dh in my prayers that he will find the strength to deal with all of this. (((HUGS))) Limute, sending prayers for your FIL and for peace within your family.

~Lynda

Avatar for teddyfor2
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 8:50am
I'm sorry you have to go thru this right now. All I can offer is prayers and hugs and an"ear". Feel free to come here whenever you need too. HUGS

Sarah
Avatar for kansascity
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 9:09am
First, let me tell you how sorry I am that your FIL's condition hasn't improved. Secondly, let me tell you how very sorry I am that you are going through this and how your DH is handling this and, in turn, treating you.

Have you been able to talk to your Rabbi? I know you mentioned that you might try this. I think it is good that you are thinking about getting counseling for you and your kids. They must be so confused.

I know you have tried to talk to your DH and he doesn't want to listen. Maybe you should write him a letter and let him know how you're feeling, what it's doing to the kids and what it's doing to what will probably be the final moments and memories he will have with his father. Have you joined any support groups? Has Hospice been involved yet?

Again, I am so sorry you are going through this. Tragic events like this can SO test the bonds of family. Some pull together and others just pull (and fall) apart.

I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you're feeling better too.

Tons of hugs and positive vibes coming your way.

Kathy

Avatar for ang2gals
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 9:18am
Sorry you are experiencing so many setbacks in your personal life right now. I can understand your DH may be under tremendous stress which may be causing him to act out of character. However it sounds like from your post that you have been having some problems at home before this.

Sending positive thoughts that if chemo didn't work now, maybe some type of drug will help him go into remission (my MIL had breast cancer when DH was a teenager so I can only imagine the stress). Here's to you & the kids getting healthy & hopefully now that your ILs have told your parents you can talk to them about FIL. I find talking out situations does alleviate a lot of stress & provide a support network.

-- Ang

Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 9:32am
Limute, so sorry y'all are going thru all this, is there anyway that your MIL could sit down and talk to your dh, good grief, sounds like he's gotta get some help and talk to someone, this isn't healthy for anyone, let alone what it's doing to your family. Many ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))).

Asia

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 9:59am
Oh, Limute, I'm so sorry this is how things are working out, on all fronts. I do hope you go to some sort of counseling regardless of whether he does, as it isn't good to be expected to deal with all of this alone. (I feel very strongly it wasn't at all healthy for your DH and your ILs to prohibit you from telling your own family what has been going on all this time - I'm glad at least that's over with.) I wish there was more I could say or do. I hope you'll take care of yourself as well as I know you'll take care of your kids.

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 11:15am
I am so sorry you are going through all this. I am glad you are able to talk to your family now, and counseling for you and the kids sounds like a good idea even if DH won't go.

Kris, Shelby(2/99), Taylor (3/14)

Pages