Calgon, Take me away

Avatar for toryanna
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Calgon, Take me away
3
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 5:06pm
Well, as you guys probably know, DH is over there somewhere yet again. I am just curious if you guys have any thoughts on Breezy's actions as of late. As is, I'm not sure she'll make it to Sept to see 6 years old. Okay, here it goes. She wanted to take Ballet. I called around, found a place that didn't do recitals, so we could take her there, but the catch was, for 5 year olds, the class was at 3:45. She doesn't get out of school til 3:30 so it wasn't acceptable. Well, we were going to see if we could bump her to the 6 year old class early. Then on the day we were suppose to go, she came home with a bunch of classwork that she didn't get done in 3 days of school time. Well, this is completely unacceptable, so I told her no ballet that day since she couldn't do school work at school. She got mad at me and proceeded to tell me in words I was sure she didn't know how mad she was. Well, that got her grounded for the day of course. I woke her up early ( well, got her up a half hour early) the next morning to do those pages that she didn't do before ( I have discovered that she LIKES bringing home classwork to do for homework, so I try to make it have to be done at inconvienent times for her so she won't do it again.) She did the work, but then decided not to do her journal that day. Come to find out, she hadn't done her journal all day. Of course as soon as she comes home, she says "Momma Can I do my work?" and if I let her, she'll do it and do it correctly. She's also been extremely angry at the fact that Victor gets to do somethings that she doesn't. For ex. Victor doesn't have to hold my hand crossing the street. She does. Reason for this, Victor is 4ft tall and she's barely 3 ft tall. Victor will walk beside me, or at least a little in front, or behind me, she still tends to run off. I try to explain these things to her but I'm at my wits end. I've turned into super mean mommy and every time I get backtalk from her now I go into robot mode and say "I said to go do ...... It's not up for discussion." I wish I could remember how I talked Victor into thinking things out logically so I could teach her, but all my old tricks aren't working and I'm running out of new ones. Any ideas guys? Any and all help appreicated.. you guys know how much I value your opinions.


Alexis

Avatar for teddyfor2
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 5:42pm
No real advice, just hugs, cause I go thru the same &*#@ with Sally. She's sooo different from Dylan, that the stuff that worked with him won't with her and I'm constantly struggling with her. I have been more firm with her, cause it seems like that's what she needs to listen. I don't know. I'm curious to see what others have to say.

Prayers for your dh's safe return.

Sarah

S

Avatar for crackermommaof2
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-09-2003 - 9:46am
Well, it seems to me that if she really does enjoy doing school work at home, you could use this to your advantage. Maybe you could ask her teacher for extra worksheets that could be done at home. Then you can tell your dd that she can do them only if she has done the work she was supposed to in class. Also, I don't think it's a bad thing to set goals. Victor started not holding my hand when he was x yrs old. When you're that old and if you follow the rules, then you can do it too. Also, my sister has asked her dd's teacher for weekly progress reports. If she gets a good report, her dd is allowed to buy an ice cream on Friday, but if it's not good, no treat. It's been working pretty well with her.

Good luck!

Stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 04-09-2003 - 8:50pm
Hi mommy! I can only imagine how stressed you must be! I'll pray for Vic!

About Breezy, can I ask a question? Why is it a bad thing for her to LIKE doing homework at home? Maybe she can concentrate more. Maybe it's quieter. You never know. If she does it, and does it well, I would commend her on making an effort to do her best. KWIM?

As for talking with her about her actions. I take the "choices" approach with Tre. I tell him he is showing me (...whatever...) by doing (...whatever...) and as soon as he shows me (...whatever...) I can change the rule about that. Will that work with her? She sounds head strong, so if you put it in her court, it may help a bit. Try to incorporate her into the consequences and decisions. She may surprise you. I know many kids are harder on themselves than we realize. PLUS it gives her some control over her life. I'm sure not having daddy is a loss of control that is stressful to her. Maybe this is what she needs to feel more secure.

As for hre jealously of Vic, you could label it for her. "You sound jealous of your brother because he gets to do a lot of the things you like to do. How can you how me you are ready to do some of those things?" Let her tell you how she thinks she is ready. It may be a good laugh or cry! LOL In either case, it'll probably be theraputic for the both of you.

Take some alone time with her, Alexis. Get a bond going with her again. I know when Tre and I are at each other's throats, I need to re-establish a common ground again....on good terms. So I take the extra effort to do things with him. Sometimes the effort is all it takes to reel them in again. WDYT??

HUGS, my friend!

love and frienship,

Janet =)

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