DD's best friend controls who plays
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|Sat, 01-31-2009 - 6:24pm|
Hello everyone. I'm new to the board, but have been a member of ivillage since my first pg in 2000, but with a few diff. names lol.
Here is my issue. My dd (5, will turn 6 in May) has a friend that has been her best friend (bf) since they were in preschool together. They are in the same class together this year and it has been that way for three years now. My daughter looks forward to seeing her always. The other day I went to the school to have lunch with my daughter and her classmates. Another little girl said to me in front of dd and the bf that bf will not let her play with my dd! Then yet another child piped up and said that it was true for her too. This has been an issue before. So, I turned to my dd and her best friend and I said-- "Girl's you two have been friends for so long and I bet you will always be friends. You will always be friends even if you sometimes play with other people. BF if DD plays with someone else, is she still your friend?" Of course she said 'yes', but I am still concerned that this will continue if my dd doesn't learn to stand up for herself.
I have asked DD about it and she says that when bf tells her she cannot play with someone, then she doesn't. She is afraid that she will be mad at her. She tells me that bf always likes to have things her way. I have told her that it is not her job to make her bf happy. That if playing with lots of people would make her happy, then that is the right thing to do. I told her that her bf would just have to be mad, and that she would get over it soon enough. I don't know if this is "over her head", what do you think? What else should I say or do to encourage my DD to do the things she wants to do.
I will consider speaking with the teacher and the parents, but I'd really like my DD to solve this on her own. I want her to start learning that it is ok to stand up for herself. I'm afraid that if I have the parents or the teacher solve this, then it is just bound to happen again.
Any thoughts are greatly appreciated! (Editing to add that my dd says that she would like to play with the other girls, so it isn't that she prefers it be just the two of then)
Edited 1/31/2009 6:33 pm ET by wishforwings