Desperate new mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2009
Desperate new mom
4
Wed, 04-22-2009 - 5:18pm

I hope someone can help offer me some words of wisdom. I have a new baby - a boy who will be 4 weeks old tomorrow. The past 4 weeks have been a nightmare. Not because of the baby - he is as easy-going and sweet natured as can be. My 4-year-old son is the problem. He has been acting out since the day we got home from the hospital. He refuses to listen, even when I ask him to the smallest task. Everything becomes a fight. He yells at me constantly. His favorite word is NO! He has terrible tantrums where he hits and kicks me and the furniture and walls...anyone or anything that is within reach. He screams until he almost gets sick. He has been tormenting our two dogs and our cat (pulling their tails, chasing them, jumping on them)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2009
In reply to: dpf1110
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 2:13pm
I know what you're going through, I have an 11 week old baby and a 4 year old.
Avatar for cmkristy
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
In reply to: dpf1110
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 3:27pm

I'm sorry that your son is having such a hard time since your baby arrived.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2009
In reply to: dpf1110
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 10:39pm
I'm having a similar problem. Only the "baby" is now 2 years old. My oldest son who is 4 is still having trouble adjusting to not being an only child. We've tried everything. Nothing works. We've considered resorting to corporal punishment. Ya know, paddles and what-not. Cuz that's our last option. Other than behavioral counseling. I think it's just the natural reaction for a child to have to a new baby. And my son is close to having to deal with it all over again. I'm due in June. So, he'll have 2 siblings to cope with. The only thing I can suggest is go with what seems to work. If something seems like it's getting through, use it. Stick with it. I know it's hard... believe me I know.... but if you show inconsistancy, the child thinks they can get over on you. That there aren't any consistant reprecussions to their actions. *shrug* That's all the advice I really have. Seeing as how I'm having the same problem. *sigh* Good luck sweetie. I hope you find the answer you're looking for. And when you do.... SHARE! lol I'm sure we could all use the holy grail of disciplinary action for our children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: dpf1110
Mon, 04-27-2009 - 12:14pm

consistency in what you expect of him and how you handle misbehavior is going to be the key to getting him to stop the behavior you are describing. It can take a while for it to dawn on him that you are serious and that this is the way things are going to be from now on. He is use to you and your husband trying something, seeing it doesn't work and then giving up.

We tend to use time-outs as a way to calm down, think about what you did and how you could better handle it next time. Lose of privileges can be hard to enforce and they work better as the child grows older and is better able to make the connection between what he has done and what he has lost because of it.

Have you sat down with him and talked to him about how he is feeling? I know he's only 4 but with your help he should be able to tell you what is bothering him as it seems to be related to the new baby based on when his behavior has started. It is possible that he just needs reassurance that you still love him and then with time things will get better.

His behavior is a way for him to get some undivided attention from you. At 4 and 5 they just want your attention. They don't care if is because they are being bad or because they are being good. While you are paying attention to him you are not paying attention to the baby who has came into the house and is taking up all your attention. Even if that isn't the case that is how a lot of little kids feel. They seem to remember the times when they wanted to play with you and your were busy and forget about all the times you were able to play with them.