Extremely confused here

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Extremely confused here
5
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 10:51am
My daughter plays with another girl a few doors down almost everyday her mom calls around the same time and asks if my daughter can come over to play or for her daughter to come over to our house. The kids seem to get along pretty well. Well, on Saturday we noticed a big ol bouncy in front of their house. We never received an invitation and my poor daughter was confused because of course she thought that she would be invited. The party was for the younger daughter age 3 and my daughter plays with her also. We saw most of our neighbors kids of all ages go over there and my daughter begged me to take her over!! So we had to leave for the day just so my daughter wouldn't feel bad. The next day the mom calls us over to come play in her new pool and talks openly about the party, who was there, what they did. I am soooo confused!! There were no arguments that I recall or anything!! My husband is also really upset about this. His words... "that's messed up". My question is... should I say something to her?? I thought that maybe she gave me an invitation and I never got it but, she never asked if we were coming or why we didn't show up?? Should I just be over it and let it go?? We are truly baffled.
Avatar for ang2gals
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 12:41pm
I can totally understand your confusion as I'd feel the same way. The only thing is that since it was party for the younger dd maybe she only invited kids her age over? But then you mention neighborhood kids of all ages were over...so that leaves either 1)She forgot to invite you or it was by word of mouth & she couldn't remembern if she told you or 2)She just didn't want you or dd there.

Now since I tend to give the benefit of the doubt to people, I prefer to go with the first option. That being the case, you can say to her "I didn't know you were having an at home party for ___ (her dd), when was her birthday? And if you don't mind my asking how much did it cost to rent the moonbounce?" to give her an opening to provide an explanation. Or at that point you can say, that oh, yes BTW your dd was not invited & wanted to rush over to play on the bouncy but you didn't know if she'd mind.

Honestly, one of my neighbors whose son is a yr older than my oldest dd invited her over one Sat AM to play in a spider bouncy. It was her son's bday party & she thought it might be fun to have some neighborhood kids over in the AM before the party in the PM since the rental was for a day. She also invited my younger dd over; so while neither of my dds got invited to the actual party (which was all boys, LOL) they did get to enjoy the moonbounce. So your neighbor's behavior is definitely not what I'd expect.

-- Ang

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Avatar for crackermommaof2
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 1:12pm
I can understand why you would be upset! But I too like to give the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the neighbor kids went over uninvited? The way society is today, I wouldn't put it out of the question. It sounds like you and your neighbor are close enough that you could ask her about it, and let her know that your dd would have liked to have been there. Other than that I wouldn't make a big deal about it. It's over now, and more than likely your dd will forget about it. Unfortunately the truth of the matter is that there will be times when you get left out, be it intentional or not, and the best thing is to learn how to handle it well and move on. (Not that it's easy to do, trust me I've BTDT more times than I would like to admit!)

I think you handled it well by taking your dd somewhere to get her mind off of the party.

Stephanie

Avatar for sparkysmom97
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 12:32pm
You are to be commended for being an excellent parent. I think Stephanie (Cracker...)had a good point. Maybe the other kids' parents didn't have the couth to refrain their children from going to the house unannounced and "party crashing." I think the way you handled it was perfect. Manners are slowly becoming a thing of the past, IMO. I'm such a manner/behavior stickler. I would have done what you did by taking my ds elsewhere. Do you know if this is the case or not about possible party crashing? Maybe the neighbor assumed that everyone would know it was an open invitation? There's just gotta be an explanation. I understand how this would make both of you feel. Let us know...

Karen

Sparks

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 04-04-2003 - 2:07pm
It's a toughie! Is there anyone else you can talk to in general about how the party went? I can't imagine that the entire block wouldn't discuss it with you. All kinds of things could have happened. Maybe the child was supposed to bring it? Or maybe she asked your DD and she said something about it? You just never know. I wouldn't bring it up. I know it happened here in PR with us as well. It turned out that the mom didnt invite us because she was only doing certain age groups. Were all the children of the same age group? In any case, I would let it go. It's hard, but in a few weeks this, too, will be wiped from your memory banks. HUGS!!!

Janet =)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-04-2003 - 6:18pm
Thanks for all your responses!! I talked with another mom yesterday and she said that alot of them DID go over uninvited. I guess there was another mom who was upset too. This normally wouldn't be a big deal to me but, my daughter literally is over there everyday or her daughter is at my house. BTW, if you ever watch TLC, the mom is the one on Trading Spaces who had her kitchen done (tin ceiling, chalkboard painted kitchen) done by Genivieve. Boy, I hope she doesn't read this!! :0)