Five year old drama...Help please...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Five year old drama...Help please...
4
Wed, 02-06-2013 - 4:46pm

So my daughter is 5 years old and just started Kindergarten this year. She didn't know a lot of kids in the neighborhood and doesn't really have any real "friends," which is that normal? Or do I have her to sheltered? Well anyway, she started Kindergarten and at the bus stop there is one other Kindergartner. They seemed to hit it off pretty well in the beginning of the year and played after school a lot. But I guess that the other little girl has friends from the neighborhood that she's known a little longer, but for the most part, Jaelyn would play with all of them. 

Well fast forward to now, nobody has really been outside because it's been so cold. They've played outside together about once a week, sometimes more, and everything seems fine. But everyday when Jaelyn gets off the bus, she says that "Kathryn won't let me sit with her on the bus." I told her to brush it off and it doesn't matter who sits with you on the bus, you don't need to sit with her all the time. And they would play, everything was fine. But lately, she's said that Kathryn's mean to her and tells her that she doesn't like her and sticks her tongue out at her all the time, and today she got off the bus and she starting crying because Kathryn hurt her feelings. Still I have kind of a "whatever" attitude and I told Jaelyn to just ignore her or ask her what her problem is?...But Jaelyn is afraid that Kathryn's going to think that she doesn't like her anymore and doesn't want her to be her friend anymore (I don't remember thinking all of this when I was 5, lol, but who knows)...and I mean, I don't like other kids being mean to Jaelyn, and the only reason that I worry are because I don't know what is going on...The other girls that they all played with have known the other girl longer and lately when Jaelyn goes over to play, if the other girls are there then they won't even talk to Jaelyn some days, even when she acknowledges them. And one time, I was dropping her off at Kathryn's birthday party, the other two girls ran over to a corner and started whispering and snickering. The only reason that I care is because I don't know what the problem is. I don't really want to get involved and start talking to parents and stuff, because if it's kids stuff, let it be kids stuff...and really I'm trying to tell my daughter that it's not that serious, don't get upset by some girls being mean to you, they're not that important, but I guess to a 5 year old who hasn't really had any other friends, this could be devastating. But I don't know what to do. If you don't like her fine, but don't make her feel bad about it, you know? And they seem like really nice girls so I don't know what the problem is? I'm like, does Jaelyn smell funny or something?? I didn't know this stuff started in Kindergarten...

What should I do to make my daughter feel better? Should I talk to the parents or just let the kids work everything out? Or, really, Jaelyn goes to the YMCA in the morning so doesn't even ride the bus then...I could sign her up for the afternoons too (even though she doesn't want to) and basically avoid the situation? But I don't feel like that's the right thing to do either...

Any advice is appreciated...Thanks in advance...

Angie

Community Leader
Registered: 04-08-2008
Thu, 02-07-2013 - 2:54pm

Hi Angie,

It is so rough when your child is having trouble with friends. :(  It is also hard to sit back and let kids be kids, so I understand the worry.  Have you tried to invite her friend(s) over to your house?  Maybe have a little playdate and sit back and observe things so you know what may or may not be happening? 

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Fri, 02-08-2013 - 11:47am

I think Kristy's idea of having a playdate over at the house and obvserving is a good idea.  My middle daughter also started kindergarten this fall and it was hard on her as there aren't any other kids her age in the neighborhood except the girl across teh street who is a year older and can be on the mean side also.  And she went to a daycare closer to my work, so she went into kinergarten not knowing anyone and having to try and make friends.  It was a really hard fall for her.  We coached her on how to approach kids in class about playing on the playground and everything, but at the end of the day, most kids just want to be liked, so I can imagine how hard it is or your DD to feel bad if this little girl is being mean to her.  I wouldn't necessarily avoid the situation, you are teaching her that its easier to just avoid situations and take the easy way out.  I would start by trying to have a play date with some of the other girls to see how things go.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Fri, 02-08-2013 - 8:21pm

First off we too have no kids in the neigborhood. When my oldest started school he knew NO ONE. Other kids either knew kids from older siblings or they went to the early learning center or sports; since we needed full time day care we went to a private one and he had a July birthday so he wasn't old enough to anything until school started. I worried but boys at that age are easier. There was a LOT of girl drama in my neice's kindy class that they made the real housewives look civil.

Its hard when its your kid, while boys at 5 were drama free older they get the less that is. I'd ask the teacher how things in the class. I've worried about DS because of some issues that have gone down that when retold to me are concerning. Teachers like the heads up because things that were chalked up to kids being kids in our day are really seen as bullying today and if its happening as early as kindy its something that they may want to nip in the bud and make it clear thats not acceptable but also teachers see our kids in social situations we don't so they have a better idea how they are doing and if something is brewing they may already be watching. You can't make kids like one another but you can make them be civil.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Fri, 02-15-2013 - 9:29pm
Having a playdate and casually asking the teachers if there is anything going on at school are both great ideas. My son is starting kindergarten this Sept and I am terrified for him. We have tons of neighbourhood kids but one older boy decided to dislike him and turned all the kids against him. He regularly gets called names like "dirty stupid baby" on the street. He loves hockey and they play but won't let him. He tried to join and I actually had a parent approach me to tell him it was inappropriate for him to jump into the game...you know, he's so young he could get hurt...tho there are 2 other boys who play. At preschool, no one invites him to their bday parties and I invite them but they don't come. My son notices and cares but he doesn't overtly try to make friends. When he sees the bday invites at school or no one at his party, he realizes and gets upset. What can you do tho? My son is reading and doing addition at preschool so my guess is that he is showing off and the other kids don't like. On the street, I've seen him re-enacting a "funniest home video" and the kids look at him like he is mentally handicapped. So I KNOW why...I just can't do anything about it. I tell you all this bc your daughter sounds like she is trying and not giving up. She should probably try to find some other little girl to sit with on the bus? She sounds friendly so I don't think you have a problem as large as mine. :) I guess we are going to have to get used to this! Dee