I am so mad at myself, and frustrated and angry that I haven't been able to think of anything else all day! Last night DS got completely out of control in the bathtub ( over a bathtub toy). He was very tired, and whinny and just unmanagable. Well, to make a long story short, he started screaming at the top of his lungs, and kicking/hitting at me and trying to bite me. I'm 7 months pregnant and was trying to keep him from hitting my belly. I gave him several chances to calm down, and gave him a slight slap on his bare bottom to see if I could get his attention. Every once in a very great while, he will get like this and nothing calms him down except time. I should have remembered that. Anyway, I told him that he had one more chance to stop screaming at me or I was going to slap his mouth ( my ears were ringing he was screaming so loud). He didn't, and I raised my hand to slap him. At the same time, he threw his head against my hand as it came in towards his mouth and I ended up hitting him very hard on the side of his right temple. This morning he woke up with a huge black and blue bruise on his face from my hand. I knew as soon as his head hit my hand that it was too hard from all the wiggling he was doing. Needless to say I feel sick, have almost thrown up over this. I talked to my husband who was supportive, but not happy about it. I feel like a child abuser, like I purposely beat up my child, even though that isn't at all what was intended. We don't spank often, but I will give him a slap on the bottom when he gets too sassy or tempermental. I will also slap his mouth when he screams at me ( which he seems to do more and more often these days). Otherwise for lesser infractions, we have time outs and take away privledges.
Thanks for listening this long! I just feel so, so aweful and wondered if this has happened to anyone else? DS and I have talked and talked about this and i have apologized and told him it was wrong to slap him and that i had no right to hurt him like that. He seems to understand. I didn't explain to my baby sitter what happened, though I'm sure she can figure it out. What do I do? Have I emotionally scared my child for life?