hi....question about hitting stage?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2009
hi....question about hitting stage?
14
Wed, 10-28-2009 - 11:02pm

I have a four year old step son that everyone has classified his behavior as a

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2009
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 6:05pm

exactly...she is a master manipulator and i just roll my eyes anymore...no point at getting mad or upset...she is who she is but someday she will have to grow up and be held accountable for her actions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 1:44pm
That's good to hear. It sounds like grandma is starting to realize that the mom is playing her -- making excuses for why things are the way they are while shifting the blame to others.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2009
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 11:22am
as far as i can tell, it's working, no hitting the other night...just sassing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 10:17am

Thank you for the up date.

How is he responding to the changes? Things might get harder for a bit because he is going to test you all to see if you are serious. That testing doesn't always happen right away so be prepared to follow through and stick to your position.

Lots of hugs and I'm glad that your mil is seeing that your husband is making his child support payments in full and on time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2009
Sat, 11-14-2009 - 9:29pm

we have implemented a strict punishment system...you hit, you're done...no toys, no tv, no snack...you go home or to bed, not grandma and grandpa's bed, you're own in the guestroom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Wed, 11-04-2009 - 3:19pm

I agree, I think your husband should call cps and get in touch with the case worker.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 11-03-2009 - 1:41pm

I'm sorry if I missed something. Does CPS have your husband's phone number and address? If they have it they don't need to ask a relative (aka, the mom) for it and have them say they don't know when they really do. Have you talked to a lawyer about what your husband needs to do to gain custody? Kids have been taking away from their parents for less than what you are telling us. Yes it is hard to know exactly what happened when the child is only 4 but that is what cps and a court appointed child advocate is there for. Each case is different and what was expected in one case is not necessarily going to be how it is with the next case. Times and circumstance have changed, we now know way more than what we use to and it is not always in the best interest of the child to keep a family together, or the child with his mother. Is there a reason why your dh needs to work towards proving he is the better parent? I'm not asking you to tell me, I just want you to think about it. If there isn't a reason (even something as simple as allegations in the divorce decree) then why does his dad feel he needs to prove fitness? Standing up and saying I have the more stable homelife. I have a wife and another child and we are all more than willing to have my son move in. I will continue to allow him to see his relatives on both sides and I will get him the help he needs to make the adjustment, to learn that he is safe in my house. A family law attorney is going to be in a better position to let you both know what your rights are, how the process now works and what you can do to better your chances of winning custody.

I am not positive how the law works in your state but I know if most states you can not tie visitation rights to up-to-date child support payments. They are two separate issues and the courts do not like it when people try to do that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2009
Tue, 11-03-2009 - 12:49am

CPS has been called, a few times actually. first time was when he was eight months old and had a suspected broken nose, my husband was there when it happened and he had

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 11-02-2009 - 9:12pm

I think tevits (I hope I spelled that right) hit on something, has cps been called on what the previous boyfriend did to him? They must have been if the cops are involved. I would do what she suggested and contact cps and let them know that you are willing to take custody of him. That way it will be in the record so if they do take him away from his mom they can call you two.

It is sounding more like he is responding in a way that he feels is appropriate based on what has been done to him. Its a bid for attention coupled with this is how he thinks you act towards others. Lack of follow through will not help his behavior at all. Consistency in both routines and reactions to his behavior (both the good and the bad) are needed. Consequences work best if they are immediate and even better if they are a natural consequence whenever possible (oh you peed in your pants so now you don't get to see the rest of the movie while we go clean you up. where as if he had said that he needed to go potty you could pause the movie while he went).

In all honesty he should not have to hide from people where he was or who he was with, but I'm sure you know that.

It sounds like you are in a difficult position but are trying to do the right thing. Hugs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Mon, 11-02-2009 - 3:58pm

It sounds to me like something out of the realm of normal behavior.

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