I am new here But you are not going to

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2003
I am new here But you are not going to
Sun, 06-08-2003 - 5:41pm
believe my six year old son. He told me the other day that he wants to be a girl. I was a little surprised. I am thrilled with my son and have never expressed anything other than that. I really don't know what to do please help. Stephanie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 8:00am
Honestly I wouldn't worry about it. He probably saw a cool toy or an outfit that he thought would be neat, but new it was for a girl. Its not uncommon for boys this age to like the fancy, glittery clothing girls wear. Also if he feels its in appropriate to play with dolls or other "girly" things he might for a moment or 2 wish he was a girl. Even if you are fine with him playing with such things other children have already formed biases about these kind of toys and think nothing of saying so to another child. My ds who is 5 occasionally says that sort of thing and for some odd reason likes his sister to paint his nails. I let him at home, but I just can't bring myself to let him wear it out.

I hope that helps a little



I'll hold my head high
I'll never let this define
The light in my eyes
Love myself, give it Hell
I'll take on t

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 10:43am
Our society sucks when it comes to gender identity. Just because a little boy says something about being a girl or a girl says something about being a boy, it's simply NOT accepted. Personally, I think your DS is a little too young to really know the difference. Now if he came to you at 12 or 13 y/o then I might take him way more seriously.

MY DS is 5.5 and he has been wanting Barbie and Polly Pocket dolls. My DH won't stand for it, but I know my DS isn't trying to be a girl. He's ALL BOY, believe me! I think part of the reason he wants them is because he doesn't have the gender differences set in his head at this young age. No one has blatantly told him that boys don't play with dolls. My DH hasn't had the chance to say that...yet. My DS has friends who are girls and they all want him to play dolls with them. To me, it's perfectly normal for my DS to want to have what they have.

Just b/c your DS has SAID he wants to be a girl doesnt' mean a whole lot right now. But b/c he said it, pay attention to if/when he says it again.

Loving wife to David (3-2

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 1:20pm

I would say that it is not actually that he wants to BE a girl, but there is something he admires and this is how he expresses it.

My five year old son has wanted to be :

a girl

a tyranasaurus rex

the easter bunny

the red power ranger

winnie the poo

a lion

a father

an aeroplane

So what we do is sit and talk about what it is he likes about those things and end the conversation with things like, oh, you wish you were and aeroplane so you could fly, well, you don't have to be an aeroplane to do so, when you grow up you could try...

or; oh, so you want to be the easter bunny so you can give nice gifts to everyone, well you can choose the people you love for now and we can make them some gifts you can send to them, that way you can still be my special little man and still get to do the things you wish to!

This helps him to see that he is okay with being himself and can stay his own special self and still get to enjoy certain qualities of the character type he admires/envies.

Hope this gives you some ideas

Life and Light


Avatar for inmommyworld
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 11:05pm
In the same boat. My 5 yr. old ds has said similar things. He also has said he wishes he could be a cat. His playmates are usually girls (in the neighborhood). At school, he prefers to play with girl's. He will usually point out the "pretty" things in stores, not dinosaurs or cars/trucks, etc. It really bothered me for a while, but he's only 5! He has taken a liking to this tiny tote bag I received a gift in, and takes it everywhere. He was calling it his 'purse'. One day I told him boy's don't carry purses, we'll call it a tote bag. I wish I didn't say it, because he seemed a little confused or maybe embarassed? I had to remind myself he is 5 years old and it doesn't mean anything. I wouldn't worry, but I have felt the same way. They are still young & innocent.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Fri, 06-13-2003 - 4:14pm
Hi Stephanie,

I'm pretty new here too. My daughters are 4 1/2 and 2.

I don't think you need to worry about your son. I think at this age, they explore a lot of different ideas, roles, etc. Hasn't he ever decided he was a dog or a dinosaur and crawled around on the floor? Or said his name was Rocky and you should call him that for the day? I think that unless he truly seems uncomfortable with who he is, you can look at them all as ways of pretending and trying out new things. When my daughter says something like that, I usually ask why - but not like "Why on Earth"...more like "that would be something different. What would you like about being ?"

Good luck!