i don't know what to do anymore!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2007
i don't know what to do anymore!
4
Sun, 06-22-2008 - 5:42pm
I am a mother at the end of her rope. My four year old has turned fon me and has become a terror to parent. I know, I know - "he's four. He's a boy. He's a kid. He'll grow out of it." But I just can't take those for answers anymore! Every day is a battle. I am embarrassed to bring him anywhere because he will throw a fit over the smallest things. If I have to take a trip to Target or the grocery store, I'll do whatever I can to not have to bring him. When other parents want him to come play with their kids, I'm embarrassed to send him because suddenly, I have the kid who never behaves. It's heartbreaking and embarrasing, and frustrating and I just sit and cry sometimes because I don't know what to do anymore. He has no fear to being scolded - if I ask him to do something, such as "Please pick up that toy off the floor", he'll give me the evil eye and announce "NO!". If I raise my voice, most times he'll do it, but in a most defiant and angry manner and it's so disrespectful! A little bit ago, he went with our neighbor and her four year old to run errands. When they came back, they had some things to tend to and they brought him back to our house. Out the window, I could hear him having a temper tantrum screaming that he didn't want to come home and crying and crying and crying. My fiance met them at the door and he gently said "I think it's time for a nap, can you say thank you to Mel for taking you with them today?" and my son just let out this huge squeal of a scream and yelled "NO! I don't want to take a nap!" and punched the air in my fiance's direction. I could go one and on all day about how he acts, but I'm telling you - it's daily, it's intense and when my son goes to that time-out chair, I leave the room and cry because I absolutely don't know how I can deal with this kid's attitude anymore. I'm at a loss, I just don't know what to do! I am under such stress because of him and our whole family is fed up with his constant unruly behavior.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2007
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 5:55pm

(((((HUGS))))))


I am so sorry. I don't know what to say. I can imagine that this must be extremely stressful for you. My only advice would be to seriously consider professional help (counseling) for your little guy. There is obviously something going on with him, that might just be too much for you and your fiance to handle. I wish you well. I'm sorry I don't have any other advice to give you. Good luck! (((HUGS)))



Jen


All dressed up and no where to go......



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 06-25-2008 - 10:42am

Have any changes happened in his and your life within the last few months to a year? Even good changes or changes that he seemed to handle fine or was excited about at the time?

He is reacting to something. Something that has him unhappy and lashing out at you and your fiance. It could be that he feels he has no control or say in things so he's trying to assert some control whenever and where ever he can.

Some of that can be alievated by giving him choices where you can (which cup do you want your drink in, which of these two shirts do you want to wear today, etc). Some of it will be helped by being consistent with him. When he acts aggressive what happens? When he throws a fit what happens? Talk to him about how you expected him to behave and what will happen if he doesn't and what will happen if he does. You might have to teach him or help him learn better ways to express himself when he's unhappy or upset about something. Don't make a big deal about it whenever he acts up but do apply the consequence. Praise him when he has done good or what you've asked him to do. Basically you want to give him more attention for the good things he does. When you do that you have to let the memories of the fights and the arguments go. All of this works best if you control your reaction to his actions. When he is yelling and hitting don't engage him in a conversation, keep your voice calm and quiet. Follow through with what you said so be careful that you don't say something that you can't or aren't willing to do.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Sat, 07-05-2008 - 9:16am

I would agree with the last two posts, I think counseling would be good for the family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2007
Mon, 07-07-2008 - 5:12pm
I think you all give great advice, thank you!!!!!!




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