I have a concern

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2007
I have a concern
Tue, 09-02-2008 - 12:54pm
I have a five year old Kindergartner.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2004
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 1:27pm

I think/worry about my kids having friends all the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 2:38pm

I'm sorry you felt isolated in school.

We often focus on the things or our traits that we don't like or wished we could have changed that we see in our kids. My dd is stubborn and determined to do things her own way. This is hard to deal with as a parent yet I know it will serve her well as she grows and matures. My mom has said that I was like that but quieter. I didn't throw myself on the floor or yell "that's it I'm done with you. I'm throwing you out.", like Lindsay has done on more than one occasion. She said, I would listen to what they had to say and then find a way to do what I wanted without making an issue out of it. In other words I would find a way around what they told me I couldn't do and then justify it when I got caught. I see my son determined to put in the extra work to please teachers he likes. I see him getting frustrated with friends who don't treat him fairly, like a friend should. I was very trusting of friends and some of those I really shouldn't have been. I see him going down that road and I worry about him. I want to shake Philip and say he's not a good kid, stay away from him, you don't have to be his friend. That was my childhood and I don't want him getting hurt like I did. I just know I wouldn't have believed my parents if they had told me that, so I know he won't. I lend an ear, I talk about how friends don't make friends do things they don't want to or that they know will get them in trouble. I've asked him if he thought that was something a true friend would do?

I can't say I was popular at school. I don't think I was every in the "In" group though I knew kids who were and were friendly with some of them. I had lots of friends, in different groups. I was that kid who everyone seemed to know. I was never the first kid picked for teams but I was never the last one either, though it wouldn't have bothered me if I was(it came close a couple of times, especially with games like basketball -- who wants a short girl on their team?). I didn't have the patience for the games "do this or you are not my friend", "if you talk to M you are no longer allowed to talk to me", "you need to wear purple eye makeup to hang out with us", etc. I was more likely to tell a kid who wanted me to chose between friends to knock it off or they were losing out. My friends and classmate quickly learned that about me. We moved a lot. In fact I attended 3 different high schools. I think that added to my confidence that I could make it through friendship fights. I don't really care if my kids are popular or not. I do know that I will worry about them either way and about the friends they are making.

To answer your question, I do want them to have friends and feel good about going to school and I worry they will make the wrong kinds of friends. I've never really thought about them not having friends. If I was worried, I'd probably put them in more sports or activities (scouting, gymnastics, art class, soccer etc) were they could meet more kids and thus more possible friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2008
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 3:31pm
I understand, I lived in a very verbally abusive household through out middle and high school and that really didn't help things.