I need help with my 4 1/2 year old son

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
I need help with my 4 1/2 year old son
Sun, 09-30-2007 - 10:38pm

I am really stressed out dealing with my 4 almost 5 year old son.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2007
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 1:19pm

Boy am I with you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 10:58am

There ARE tests that can check for developmental delays. However, just as important is any reporting you can provide the doc on specific incidences of your ds behaviors. Start making a list of specific concerns or behaviors you see in your ds. Also, identify what attempts you've made to curb those behaviors and what the result of those efforts was (for instance, you said you put ds in time out. What does ds do when you put him in time out?). Also include any reports from ds teachers.

To get you started on lists of behaviors/quirks, here are some types of things to think of in relation to your ds:

How does ds get along with peers? Does he parallel play or interact with them?
How does ds get along with adults?
How is ds coordination?
How are ds gross and fine motor skills?
How is ds writing ability?
What does ds like to play with?
Does he prefer a part of a toy over the whole toy (does he prefer to watch the tires spinning on a car rather than drive the car around saying "vroom, vroom?")
Does ds have certain toys he is obsessive about?
Does ds answer questions or repeat back the question he was asked?
Does ds propose activites, or does he prefer to follow the lead of other children or adults?
How are ds eating habits (does he eat a variety of foods, or is he picky)?
Is ds over- or under-sensitive to foods, clothing, noises, textures, etc?
Does ds have unpredictable mood swings?
What types of incidences set-off tantrums? What do you do when ds tantrums? What happens then?
Does ds separate from you easily?
Can ds sit still when reading a book, eating dinner, etc?
Is ds a risk taker?
If your doctor doesn't already have the info, what were ds developmental milestones (rolling over, sitting up, walking, first words, multiple words)?
Does ds seem to pick up on non-verbal social cues?
Is ds able to empathize when someone gets hurt?
Does ds show the wrong emotions at times (cry when something's funny, laugh when something's sad)?
What are ds sleep habits like?
Does ds have allergies?
You mentioned social immaturity. What are some specific examples?

It could be that you just have a high spirited child (I've got one of those -- whew!) or you could have one with ADHD or mild developmental delays. By providing the doc with all this info, your doc can get a better over-all picture of your ds to help assess whether there is anything to be concerned about. Two of my kids have mild developmental delays. I brought up various concerns over the years with our pediatrician, but she never seemed concerned. It wasn't until I wrote out a somewhat comprehensive list of concerns that the pediatrician had a better overview of the problems and realized there WERE some delays we needed to get tested and addressed. By the way, my kids are very smart, so intelligence is not by itself a good indicator of whether a child is delayed. If your pediatrician isn't able to help you, you might consider seeing a developmental pediatrician or a neuropsychologist for further assessment.

Best wishes!