Lying

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2007
Lying
4
Wed, 10-29-2008 - 7:49pm
So my 4-year-old foster child has suddenly taken to lying. And it's always about stuff he's going to get caught lying about.
For example, this morning he was in the living room and was supposed to get out of his pajamas and start getting his clothes on (things he can easily do on his own.) I was in the kitchen getting breakfast ready. I had told him to get undressed and then walked out of the room. He was playing with his baby sister when I walked out. After a few minutes I asked him if his pajamas were off. He said "yes." I walked in and of course he was still sitting there in his pajamas.
I had him repeat what he told me and he admitted to lying (obviously I could see his pajamas were not off) and then got his pajamas off and got dressed without a problem.
He does this with everything all of a sudden.
Did you flush the toilet? Yes. -- it's not flushed.
Did you put your clothes in the laundry basket? Yes. -- they are sitting on the floor.
Everything is something I can check on and see that he didn't do. This has just started in the last week or so. He did just start having visits with his bio-mom two weeks ago and it seems like she has a major lying problem (we've already had some issues with her telling him things that are not true, lying to case workers and others) and I wonder if it's connected.
Even if that's a factor, how do I curb this before it gets too out of control? We had a big long conversation about lying and telling the truth and what a lie is and what truth is. Ironically, a few days ago the Super Why on PBS what about lying and right after he watched it I had given him his socks to put on and asked him to put them on. A few seconds later he told me they were on. They weren't. This was just after watching the show about telling the truth. Errr. I was really excited that was the show's topic since we had just had a conversation about lying and telling the truth.
Any advise?
Heidi
Photobucketf
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2008
In reply to: mama_h
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 6:53am
First thing that springs to mind is attention. If he's feeling insecure about visits with BM this might be a way of getting extra interaction. Maybe see if he can race to get whatever done before you. If he doesn't flush he goes straight back and does it. Just say "go flush" and fuss about how good he is when he remembers. I could also be totally off the mark here.
Photobucket - Video and Image HostingbisnaktualkidsPhotobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2007
In reply to: mama_h
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 1:25pm
I've tried racing with him on other stuff. He hates it! When ever I try to have him race to do something or try to beat me he lays on the floor and whines.
As for flushing he was doing really good. I put up a sticker chart and one of the things was flushing without a reminder. He did good for over a week and got the stickers then all of a sudden he stopped and hasn't gotten one since. I think the visits with BM have really influenced that. He is feeling a lot more insecure but I really feel the need to stop this lying now before it gets out of control.
heidi
Photobucketf
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2008
In reply to: mama_h
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 3:12pm
Yeah, I think it's in your and his best interest to stop the lying. Does he have a counselor? Do you have a social worker who could give you some tips? I really am lost as to what to suggest now. Sorry.
Photobucket - Video and Image HostingbisnaktualkidsPhotobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: mama_h
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 5:13pm
Hi Heidi. I read somewhere to limit their opportunity to lie to you. One of the best things, is to not ask questions you already know the answer too -- who made this mess? When it is obvious that it wasn't you and it could only have been your child. Instead I will say, clean up the mess in the living room. With my 5 yo I have to be more specific about what I want her to pick up otherwise she gets overwhelmed with where should she start first. Do you think he would be receptive to using the timer when you ask him to get dressed? If you get dressed before the timer goes off you get an extra story tonight, or you get to pick between two things for lunch. Or some small, fairly immediate reward. Even something as simple as if you get dressed while I wash up the breakfast dishes we can play cars for 10 minutes might work. It gives him an incentive to get dressed quickly and helps him stay honest.

dawn190708.jpg picture by cariadlawn