My 4 year old

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2010
My 4 year old
2
Sat, 01-16-2010 - 2:14pm

I need some advice! My four year old cries about EVERYTHING! I tell him, "NO" he cries, he gets frustrated at toys, he cries,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: sadiebk
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 1:48pm

Ages 3 and 4 are definitely challenging.

The method described in the article does not work for every child. Some children get more worked up if they don't understand why they are being put in their room. Time out doesn't have to be a punishment in fact it really shouldn't be. It should be a time for them to calm down away from the situation that was causing the problem. We talk to Lindsay about it being a safe place to cry or yell and fall apart. The other thing we do is that we would stay and comfort depending on why she was crying or angry. We wanted her to feel comfortable and safe coming to us when she was upset but if all she was going to do was scream and throw a fit then she needed to calm down before we could help her. We explained that during a time when she was calm and we go over it again when she calms down from her tantrum.

Have you tried talking to him ahead of time when he's calm? After reading your post a few times I am wondering if maybe he doesn't have the words (or can't remember them when he's upset) to express his feelings or what has him frustrated or scared. With my daughter we had to teach her what she needed to say and do when she got upset. She would not be able to use her words to tell others because she was so upset. This was hard for us to understand because she was a very verbal child at all other times and had been from the beginning. When she was calm she could tell you what she was suppose to say and do but couldn't do it in the moment. She also had this idea that only babies asked for help so she was very reluctant to ask for or accept help. What we did was to role play different situations with her. Then we'd go over what she was suppose to do (do you yell when W. wants to help you do the puzzle? No! Do you push him? NO! Well what should you do? Ask him to let me do it. What if he doesn't listen? Ask again and then go tell the teacher.) We had to repeat that for a while till it became second nature to her. We also had to revisit when we encountered new situations or problems.

The other thing that helped me a lot was to remember that it is not personal. She wasn't throwing a fit to make me look bad. She didn't want the attention she was getting from others when she was throwing a fit (in fact that can make the tantrum worse because she would start to get worked up that people were looking at her and they needed to stop. But who is going to stop when she is going on and on very loudly?)I get very calm and I don't give in. To a certain extent I don't respond when she does fall apart. I don't get down and try to solve the problem or quiet her down. I'll tell her she needs to calm down and we will talk. If she is throwing a fit because she didn't get something she wants right away, she might not get it at all and once she calms down that is explained to her. I don't tell her that when she's upset because she not going to hear what I'm saying. I'm not saying I don't get upset or even embarrassed when it happens but I try hard not to react or raise my voice. Whenever I have it has just gotten worse.




iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
In reply to: sadiebk
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 4:24pm
Ooh!
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