my boyfriends daughter drive my crazy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2009
my boyfriends daughter drive my crazy
4
Fri, 01-09-2009 - 5:56pm

My boyfriend has a four year old daughter.

angela2008
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 11:49am
One of the things that I would not allow is if I can not discipline his child then he would not be allowed to discipline mine. The arguments he uses to stop you with his daughter apply equally to your son. If he tried to assign more time to the punishment I would override him and let my child out when I had said it was over. Yes it might result in a fight but I honestly don't think it is fair or just or right for him to have two standards for the kids. I don't care if one is a boy and one is a girl. They are kids and should be subject to the same rules and consequences. And in all honesty it sounds to me like his double standards is causing friction between you two, so it can't hurt to get it out there and set some ground rules.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2009
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 4:49pm

yeah.. tell me about it. this weekend i confronted him about the kids and this whole weekend we didn't talk, but i told him we won't work out if this continues, it hurts so much to say, but what can you do? my child needs me more than anything. It suck to say even when i love him also (bf) , but my child does come first.


Also i got to make some changes, this weekend i was kinda hard on his daughter, i think from all the picking he does on my son. Today it was time for her to go home and i felt alittle bad, but in away even. Thats really mean to say but it true.


The hard part for me is that once you get in my bad side it's hard to forgive and love again. Do you think maybe i need help, because she is four, and i can't like get along at all. and when she ever does gives me a hug or a kiss which is

angela2008
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 2:39pm
hello!! well, i think you need to sit down with your boyfriend and discuss a few things. like if he doesnt want you to discipline his dd, then he cant discipline your son. period. also a set of rules and boundaries need to be put in place-so the kids know whats expected of them-and so that your bf and yourself know what you both deem is wrong. when the kids fight, i would seperate them-just like you would if it was a playdate setting. take the offending toy away...put them in seperate rooms, etc. if she runs to her daddy, he HAS TO STEP UP AND PUSH HER AWAY. he cant keep giving into her. plus the kids need to see you as a united front. my hubby and i fight a lot over our oldest dd's attitude. he thinks im too hard on her, i think hes a pushover, she takes advantage of the fact that we're fighting and quietly disappears into the corner. like "mama and daddy are fighting so theyre too busy to punish me." i love my dd but she is very manipulative like that. kids learn at an early age what they can and cant get away with and with whom they can do this...and they will use that to their advantage. you guys have to talk though-you have to be serious with him and tell him that its stressing you out because you feel like you have no backup. yet hes hard on your son. there cant be double standards because it only confuses the children...as far as the grandparents-your boyfriend should be there to back you up as well. they may spoil her, but if they see their son punishing her for something that you guys have deemed punishable-then they might back off even if they want to spoil her and treat her like she can do no wrong. as faras building your relationship with her-maybe if you dont feel like shes pitting you guys against each other-maybe it will be easier to work on it. good luck!!
JOANNE
maman2goons@yahoo.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2009
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 5:15pm

Thanks for the info.!


WEll i guess i'll see what happens...

angela2008