My DD is exhausting me

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
My DD is exhausting me
Wed, 05-21-2003 - 10:26am
My 4 year old DD is so different than her brothers & I'm trying to figure out if I'm a crummy mom or just faced with a challenge. My biggest problem is that she won't play with ANYBODY, not even alone. She hounds me the entire day to play with her, she follows me around, she talks constantly. I don't want to play, I don't like to play, I have no imagination whatsoever so I don't know really how to play, not to mention the fact that I'm totally tired & cant keep up at her pace. Do the rest of you regularly play with your child? We have tried some board games but they always end up in arguments as the kids fight about almost everyting.

Which is my other problem, when her 6 year old DS gets home from school, the fights start immediately. They start out playing with each other but within 5 minutes they are crying & fighting with each other. I'm at my wits end. If I try to split them up & read or play with one, the other one gets mad & tries to get involved so the one I'm with gets mad & says no, the other cant play with us & it's just a major battle. It's always a fight, no matter what I do or what they do.

Also, (if this werent enough) my DD can be snotty. I have a playdate set up with one little girl but it's been a struggle. Sometimes she wants to play with her, other times I have to force her to go to the girls house, or if the girl comes here, I might end up playing with the little girl because my DD doesnt want to play with her (there's definitely not an issue with the girl being a brat or anything like that). I don't want to try to get more playmates for her because she just doesnt want anything to do with new kids, she won't make the effort to play with them or meet them.

I'm really at my wits end here. I have her signed up for pre-school in Sept but that's a long way away & meanwhile, I'm struggling with how to handle her. Are the rest of you spending your days playing with your kids? Am I a lousy mom if I don't want to play & want to encourage them to play with others or with themselves?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 8:58pm
Welcome to the board!!!

No, you're not a lousy mom. You said you're tired and out of ideas. That's honest, not lousy. I DO suggest you find SOME way of getting her into groups to socialize. She needs you to guide her, and if you can't for your reasons, you may want to get her into playdates and/or playgroups so they can. Her arguments with her siblings are normal, but they are also signs of her lack of things to do and social skills to master. If she had more interaction during the day, she would be less "in the face" and more apt to let the smaller stuff go a bit more. I would read to her a lot. That is an activity that doesn't require creativity, lol, and it does give her attention....cuddling one on one attention. That would be great for her.

You mentioned her being snotty. I don't think it's that as much as it is that she doesn't know HOW to interact with others. If you don't interact with her a lot, she may be imitating that with others. The best way to encourage her to play with others is to show her the skills in which she can do exactly that. It will take some time, but after you show her how to mingle, she will be more than eager to do that, mommy. I assure you of that.

Make sure you take some time for you at night when the kids are in bed. A nice log bath with headphones is a great way to relax. I do it once a week to keep my inner peace. Also, running water in the home helps calm everyone....a fish tank with filter, those waterfall rock gardens, etc. Water is theraputic! =)

I wish you luck, and hope we see you more often! This board is great for advice, even if it is a bit slow right now. HUGS!

Janet =)

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