my four year old won't mind his teachers

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2008
my four year old won't mind his teachers
7
Tue, 10-28-2008 - 2:35pm

So I need some ideas and some help because apparently my "instruction booklet" for my 4 year old got lost in the mail...lol


I have a wonderful four year old son.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2008
Tue, 10-28-2008 - 8:48pm
Could he need more help transitioning? Are the no's coming when he needs to change activities? Is he so engrossed that he's not getting enough time to mentally gear up for the change? It'd be great to get some examples so I could try and make some more concrete suggestions. I don't want to throw loads of ideas out there if what I'm suggesting isn't where the problem lies. KWIM?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2008
Wed, 10-29-2008 - 12:45pm

Umm well the no's are coming just anytime he is asked to do anything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2008
Wed, 10-29-2008 - 2:40pm

Your child has never been in school. He now has to learn a WHOLE new set of coping skills. There are a lot more people around him now and he has to learn to work with them. If he can go to bed whenever and eat whenever, never had to share his toys than rules and schedules will be new and frustrating to him. Instead of punishing him, the teacher and you as the parents need to teach him how to handle the situations that he is getting into. I am going to start by asking this.... He pushes at school because he is angry and frustrated and you do not want him to do that but the consequence at home is being spanked, what is he learning? He is learning that when someone is angry it is ok to hit. If someone does something that you do not like, it is ok to hit. I know that is not the message that you want to send but unfortunately it is the message that he will get. Now for what to do:

* Have a meeting with the teacher. Enough of the crayons. They are not working and his self esteem is going to go down the tubes if he keeps getting the "bad" crayon everyday.
*When he comes home with a report of a conflict have him tell you the story. Do not be judgmental, just listen. Ask him how he could have handled the situation differently. (asked for toy when friend is done, get another toy, use words, sit alone mad, say he is mad....) Have the teacher do the same.
*Set a schedule at home.
*Give him responsibilities. ( set the table, put his laundry away even just his shirts or so....)This will instill responsibility to the family
*Make sure he is responsible for himself. (picks his clothes and dresses self, cleans up his toys..) This will instill responsibility for his actions and himself.

It is not too late to turn school into somewhere that he wants to be.

I would love to know how it turns out. If you have any questions feel free to contact me.

Brandi

Brandi Davis
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2008
Wed, 10-29-2008 - 4:26pm

Thanks for sharing some more insights with us. It can be so frustrating when things aren't going well for our children. Hugs to you. It *will* pass with some hard work from you and school. I hope you get a conference soon.

I will suggest timers at school along with a reward chart or 2. A visual heads up about how long he has left at an activity to help him realize and make that jump. If he obeys when the timer goes off then he earns a sticker for his timer chart. Maybe if he earns x stickers a day they can build in time for him to do something special.

I'd also go for a chart that is broken down into small chunks for general behavior, following rules, using words instead of hands, turn taking. What characters/sports is he into? Maybe he earns a character/sports piece(lots of great free clip art out there) to put in a special place, a box or somewhere, every time he does what is expected of him in class. He can then build up to a reward. That would need to be negotiated with the teacher and yourself(extra time doing a special activity, a sticker, something at home, a trip to a treasure box if they have one,). To start with I'd ask the teacher to choose 3 behaviors to work on as well as two things he's good at(maximizes success potential) and gradually build on these. I think the time between behavior/reward needs to be fairly short to start with. Something he can achieve, realistically, every two to three days.

The thing they really need to get doing is rewarding every time he makes the right choice and when he doesn't then just dealing with it matter of factly. A home school book could be a help so you can review as Brandi suggested and have the teacher's side of incidents too.

Time to put some structure in at home to help with getting used to how routines work. Great opportunity for time telling, using rewards and timers so school and you are seen to be doing the same thing. He could also be over tired. Does he now have to get up earlier than he used to to get to school? Is he showing sins of tiredness at home? Maybe bring bedtime forward by 5 minutes a night for a few days and see if this helps.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 5:24pm
This is his first time being around other kids his age and it is a structured setting so he is going to have a hard time adjusting to the rules and routines of school. Have you tried playing school at home? Take turns being the teacher and asking each other to do things, transition to other activities. Be goofy, be positive, laugh and giggle. Even saying something like, "oh but I'm not done playing. I know! I'll get to do this some more later/tomorrow" could help him see that its okay to move on to the next thing even if you aren't done. Something I'm sure his teacher is telling him but he is most likely not believing. Come up with routines at home. I have a feeling you have them, they are just lose and you probably just think this is just how we do things. So you probably just have to tighten up the routine time frames. Check lists are good for this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2008
Fri, 10-31-2008 - 4:36pm

Thank you guys so much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2008
Sun, 11-02-2008 - 12:07pm
I'd suggest another ivillage board as well as this one. Two heads being better that one, right ;-) Spirited/high needs children is a great resource.
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