Need advice...re" parent/teacher confere

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Registered: 03-25-2003
Need advice...re" parent/teacher confere
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Fri, 03-28-2003 - 2:45pm
Dh and I went to ds5 Pre-K conference...he is doing well, knows all the things that he needs to for being ready for Kindergarten BUT...his teacher says that he is distracted easily and has a small attention span...now...Dh and I are having a hard time with this and I feel like a big time failure especially because I was a teacher...but I think that as his MOM ...that I am too close to the subject,lol...but we do see him distracted at home...but I really believed that this was normal behavior for a typical 5 year old boy! We do have to get on him...he does have trouble sitting still at the dinner table..but like right now...he stitting still watching a show with his sick ds..she has Strep again!...but I am a total loss...his teacher never came out and said ADDHD but hello...what are you eluding to?...so she thinks that I should have him evaluated...ok, no problem...we could do that..BUT now that he is 5, they have to do it through the school district which I don't like...it would be in his record and so forth...any insight, ladies...you are so good about being Moms and being honest...what do y'all think?

Lisa

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Fri, 03-28-2003 - 2:50pm
I hope that nobody take offense to this, but I find MOST 5 year olds 'Distracted' especially, dare I say it BOYS. While most kids who are DX'd with ADD or ADHD do in fact have this and need it to be treated, the majority of kids that are distracted, are just that Distracted.. Sorry but I find lately the minute a kid in a class is diffucult BAMM he must have ADD. There are more things to look at then just distracted. I would try to work with him independantly and see where you get. Then as he matures if there is still an issue then go ahead with the Eval, it is in his best interest.. but I would not jump to conclusions just yet.. could be he is just a typical busy 5 yr old.. and that the more formalized Kindergarten setting may help him get on track.

XX Nik

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Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 2:54pm
IMHO? Get him evaluated. If there's a problem it'll show up in KG, and that's not what you want, in advance is better. Though I don't get your worry about his "record".

My DS is in KG right now & um...his problem is not being able to sit still in circle, etc. Fine if he's DOING something (filling out a sheet, writing, reading, etc.), not so good in group situations. He's on an IEP for fine-motor skills (basically), and their opinion & his teachers is "he's 5. There might be a problem, but it is also reasonably likely to just be age.". So we'll see how NEXT year goes.

I can go on for ages if you want to compare detailed behavior? But really, we did the whole eval process last year & it was REALLY helpful. Ryan would not be doing NEARLY so well this year if not for the 1 hr/week program they sent him to. NOW his fine-motor stuff looks like the other KG's...

Megan

Megan
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Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 3:00pm
LOL, I agree about boys (got one!). The thing I've found is that noone SAYS ADHD at this age (well, not the pros), but it's a parental worry (which is pretty much what she said...).

Curious though: why NOT eval? I'd do it now, just to get a professional's opinion...for us at least it was a couple hours of "testing" (playing with stuff & running around & climbing) & then one of 'em came and "observed" in the classroom. Not a big deal, and they're alot more trained in this than the teachers...

Megan

Megan
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Fri, 03-28-2003 - 3:10pm
I agree that evaluations are a good , harmless and very beneficial tool.. I probably should not have typed before my brain caught up with my hands.. LOL.. But, being that the complaint is just being distracted and that is very typical 5 yr old behavior, I just felt that her taking some time to work it out first, then if he still had problems do the evaulation. I suppose it could not hurt to do it just to get helpful tips.. lord knows how many evaluations we have had for Kira. It is just that Last year in Preschool they told me Alex has learning issues and was distracted. Well turns out the TEACHERS did not pick up on him being left handed and being distracted is age appropriate. I am pleased to say that in the full Pre-K program he is doing fantastic.. passing all the markers with flying colors. It took some working to get him to focus.. I guess I just find that 'Lately' more and more kids are just being 'Labled' before anyone trying to do something for them.. I agree totally however these evaluations are a good thing and if there is a real concern a harmless ,easy way to address them , often times resulting in help that the kids do need..

Nicole

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 3:35pm
Have you expressed a concered regarding the attention span to your son's doctor OR has the doctor mentioned anything about his lack of attention? Maybe you can ask your doctor's opinion about testing. My son's doctor would be more than happy to sit down and discuss this. That way you can ask some questions and see if his behavior is really more than just the normal 5 year old boy behavior.

I do agree with the other posts about the "boy" issue. Sometimes I do think that boys tend to be more active and just simply loose track of what they are doing. Now I must state that my son is only 4.5 and does not attend any type of school yet, but I know that if a teacher suggested to get him tested for this...I would talk to his doctor to get her opinion as well.

Good luck with this decision.

Joy



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Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 9:51am
I agree that it is hard to tell what is typical behavior and what is in need of extra attention at this age. I agree with Nicole that lots of teachers and professionals throw ADD or ADHD out as soon a a child stands out from the others. It could be a simple case of personality rather than an "issue." I also agree with Megan in terms of testing. Why not do it now? You get the advice from a professional trained in this area, not necessarily a teacher that is comparing him to others, KWIM? About his record, worry not, Lisa. You know as well as I do that the children whose parents aren't involved int heir education get far worse a "rep" than those who have any other issues. As long as you are involved and taking part in the decisions that go along with his education, there wil be no "rep" or "label."

I understand your frustration. As a parent, we hate to think of issues arrising that may or may not be caused by our parenting skills or style. As a teacher, it intensifies because we have the pressure of our profession on top of that, and the "judgement" is worse. You and I both know, some things just happen, at no fault of one or the other thing. Some things just require more attention. This just requires more attention, not because anything is broken or not working, but because it can work a bit better for your son. The bottom line is that children don't act in school the way they do at home, and visa versa. You know I'm the first one to spit that phrase out. *wink* It's so true. You can't compare how our children relate to us at home in terms of family matters with how our children relate to the personality of the teacher and dynamics of the classroom. No one is at fault. It's a matter of optimum performance in BOTH settings. So in either case, this is to get your son what he needs to do well in school. It is also to help you feel secure with the education he is getting. It can shut the teacher up, or back her up. In either case, for HIS sake, let's rule out anything we need to, and get him what he needs to be successful in the classroom. (That doesn't mean he has a problem, but it can create a better relationship between you and the teacher, which will definately be better for your son-in the classroom and out. She'll know you care, and put in the extra effort herself.)

IMO, the only "rep" he will have is how much his parents love and care for him, that they do whatever it takes to give him a good foundation in education. You can determine what you want to do with the information you get from the evaluation. The evaluation itself isn't a bad thing, Lisa. It's a great opportunity to be ahead of the game.

HUGS, honey!

Janet =)

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Tue, 04-01-2003 - 8:28am
Thanks everyone for your input....Dh and I have been discussing this whole issue alot lately. We have decided to wait for an eval...maybe in K....but we are charting his sleep patterns and having his teacher chart 3 specific behaviors in school like the "blurting out answers" ,etec...so we will see what she comes up with after a week...she did tell me that she has kept ancedotal notes all year...now why didn't she tell me earlier in the year...I just really feel that she has it out for him,lol...yes, he is loud and very excitable but that is his personaility and he has had to compensate for his moderate hearing loss for some time, now his hearing is fine now...but it is sometimes hard to unlearn those behaviors, YKWIM...

Somebody asked if I talked to the Dr., not really because I don't see any medical issues involving the behavors the teachers are focusing on (besides the sleep issue)...I have consulted with a former principal and she gave me some great ideas that I will use.

So if anyone else has any input, please share...oh yeah, we are going to a short talk on ADD that is given by a local Ped. that explains the symptoms, etec...and one of the topics is about seeing if your child is a normal active 5 year old or actually has ADD. should be interesting...it is at the end of May:)

Lisa

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Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 04-02-2003 - 11:17am
Hi! My DS (who is now 7-1/2) had lots of problems in K. Many people would suggest that we have him dx'd for ADHD, but his school said there was no reason to. They felt he was a normal "young" K'er and his activity level, blurting out answers, etc would even out as he matured. Plus, they nominated him for the GT program. What I found out is that behaviors of ADD/ADHD, GT and "normal" can be very similar. Professionals (whether its private or through your school) can do a thorough eval to let you know more.


     Lisa
and her two "whirlwinds"
     DS-13 & DD-9