Need help! 4 yr old tantrums

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2008
Need help! 4 yr old tantrums
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 12:31pm

OMG! My four year old dd has the worst temper tantrums ever! And over practically nothing at all. She just hears the word "No" and starts acting like a crazy person. I do not understand this. And she has no limits to where this behavior starts up. She constantly thinks that when we are out anywhere, grocery shopping, paying bills, etc...that that means she should get a new toy or something that she really wants. I do not like to buy something new for my two kids everytime we are somewhere because I do not think it's right. And I do not give in either. But when I tell her "No" she starts with the LOUD whining and crying and now she has started telling me that "I'm crazy and don't love her" very loudly in public. I pull her aside and firmly tell her that she is NOT aloud to talk to me that way and that kind of behavior will get her nothing. But it doesn't seem to fase her. This goes on all the time, every day. How do I minimize these kind of temper tantrums? They frustrate me and infuriate me. I do not want to always seem like I am being mean to my kids but I will never reward that kind of behvior either. I just don't constantly want to be a cop to my dd and I do want her to think I am fun and of course I love her and my other dd more then anything. She was the sweetest baby from the day she was born and sware that she was the best baby a parent could ask for. She was always calm and very sweet. And even through the early toddler years I never had to deal with the kind of emotions she goes through now at 4. Help, please. What are some helpful ways to deal with this and eventually get her to stop.


Oh, and her screaming about EVERYTHING has gotten out of control. She thinks by screaming that will help the situation. How to stop this too.

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Registered: 07-05-2005
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 11:07am


Welcome to the Four-and Five-Year-Olds board!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2010
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 10:59pm

if in a store drop everything BRING your shopping cart ask to leave your things at customer service and tell them that you have to handle your child and you will be right back
take your daughter either outside or into the bathroom
tell her this is not acceptable. not to behave this way. put her in the corner of the wall in the handicap bathroom and make her face the wall , Let her know that she is being punished. If she gets crazy and aggressive take her wrap your arms around her and put her in the fetal potion until she calm giver her hugs and kisses. Diffuse her mood swing and attention seeking which she is doing inappropriately. her heart beat will slow and ask her if she is ready
to listen to mommy and to be a good girl for the rest if the day. If she is good then at the end of everything you will get her fries at mcdonalds.

IT works

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2010
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 2:46am

Dear Mommy,

I completely understand your frustration and believe me every mother faces this some time or the other.

The best way to deal with tantrums is to be firm yet loving. I am sure you are already doing that but there seems to be a loophole to it.

Firstly, please keep patience. I know its easier said than done, but its the most important thing to do. Please do not lose your cool..!

Most children resort to screaming to grab attention. So ask yourself this question, 'Are you giving her enough attention?'. If No, then give her the attention she deserves. If Yes, then just ignore her screaming for a few days, and meanwhile apologize to people around cause the screaming might be causing them a lot of discomfort.

At home, no matter how busy you are, give her the love an comfort she needs.

Parenting requires a lot of patience. And children learn from us.

All the best to you!


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 3:27pm

I"ve worked with Logan on this from the beginning. Everytime we go to the store - we talk about it in the car. "Logan, today you can look at the toys, but we are not buying any. Do you understand?" or... he'll ask, and I tell him "You can pick out ONE toy today. How many can you pick out? Thats right. One toy." I also explain to him "We will NOT be looking at toys until everything on my list is in the cart. Do you understand?"

So.. now he asks if he can have a toy while we're in the car. If I say, not today - then he says "yeah, maybe NEXT time. I'm going to pick one to get next time" then when we're in the store he ask "Can we look at the trucks when you're done with the list?"

I've alway been big on preparing him for transitions of any types.. which includes leaving the toy sections. He's only ever had ONE tantrum in a store before... and I think he was 2. Its worked really well for me :)

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Fall 2010 1

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2006
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 11:25am

Talk to your DD before you plan a trip to the store. Give her a written list of items that you are planning to buy that day. Tell her firmly that she has to walk along with you and if she runs or doesn't listen you will make her sit in the shopping cart. Tell her strictly "NO TOYS for today" and if she makes a tantrum in the store, you will not bring her with you to the store the next time.

These are some of the stuff that helps my DD behave like an angel when she is at the store.

1. I make sure her tummy is full (If it is evening, she has had her snacks) and she doesn't have to go to pee/poo at the store before leaving our house. If she didnt take a nap in her DC, I dont plan a store visit that day because she has to go to sleep early.

2. I take her fav activity to make her sit and do in the shopping cart. Like stickers or some coloring or worst some papers and pen..Keeping her involved makes her not get bored and actually enjoy.

3. I involve her in the shopping..I tell her that we have to pick this from aisle 2..Can you help mommy find it? She will be very happy to find the correct thing that I asked for and will be so proud of herself.

4. If she asks for chips or anything in the store, I tell her I can get only fruits and she can have them till we reach the counter.

5. I totally avoid going to the toys section, this way she doesnt even get tempted.

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