I am new here my name is Beth or Mommy LOL!
Hi Beth and welcome to the board.
It sounds to me like Aubrey is coping what she sees the older neighbor girl doing. If she doesn't see it corrected by that girl's mother or father she is going to think that is how you act.
Some of the wanting to play with older kids is going to change once she starts school because the different grade levels don't mix that much even if they do have recess at the same time.
Do you see this little girl boss her sister and Aubrey around? If you do how do you respond? Have you said anything to the girls about that is not how you treat your sister or your friends? I'd also start telling her that you don't treat people this way and how people who treat you this way are not being a true friend.
Aubrey seems like she would respond well to you sitting down and talking to her about what you expect and what will happen if she continues to be mean and rude to her sister. Make it clear that she it is her choice but that if she continues this behavior she has decided to accept the consequences. And in all honesty if she was my dd the biggest consequence would be that she will not get to play with this neighbor girl. It would be simply "you are not making good choices when you play with K, so no more play dates at this time."
As far as the questions about death, its normal even though every child doesn't ask the questions. They do tend to come up if a family member, friend or someone they know as passed away or if a pet has. Nature books dealing with life cycles might answer a lot of her questions. The Lets-Read-And-Find-Out series of books are informative yet easy to read and understand. They are rated as being from 5 to 2nd or 3rd grade depending on the level. You can easily read it to a 3 or 4 yo and they will understand and be able to follow along with the pictures. Lindsay is fascinated by the life cycle of a frog: From Tadpole to Frog (Let's-Read-and-Find-Out Science 1) (Paperback)by Wendy Pfeffer. There are some good books out there geared towards kids about death and dying. I would suggest you preview them first and then decided what you will let her read on her own, what you will read to her (that allows you to pick and chose sections of a book) and those that would be better off with her not seeing yet but could give you help in answering her questions.
Your welcome Elizabeth.
It may take some time and repeating but I think Aubrey will start to understand and accept that this is not how friends or family treat each other. Sadly sometimes it takes a while. My son (9) is just starting to realize one of his buddies from K is not the greatest of friends. It's a lesson I really wish he never had to learn.