new here nearing end of teether

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
new here nearing end of teether
4
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 2:58pm
Hi. my daugther is nearly 5 and is driving me crazy.

she is so picky about everything food, cloths, toys. She now eats very few foods packed lunch is bread and butter and crisps only salt and vinigar.The sandwiches must wrapped evenin the box so that any fruit or biscuits I put in dont touch them. If I touch her food she refuses to eat it, her drink has to be in the cup she specifies. not always the same one yet. She hate new things. She complains things are dirty even when I just pulled them out of the wash. Now she wants clean pjs every night. She can be shy even with people she knows and when with me so clingy, and refuses to do anything for herself unless brided and cojoled. all things are very small but all together I can not do anything right at the moment . Dh says its a phase I hope so . Any ideas out here please.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 4:49pm
Welcome to the boards! I'm sure you'll get a lot of great ideas here!

Your daughter sounds pretty stressed. Is there something going on in her life that is causing her unusual anxiety right now, do you think?

Certainly we all try to stay in our "comfort zone" when we're under stress, not really wanting to try new things, and for a young child, that can be accentuated. No one thing you mention taken by itself would be tremendously out of character for a kid her age, that's for sure, but taken together, some of the things you mention (excessive concern with cleanliness/contamination, severe restrictions on the things she's willing to eat, being clingy) make me wonder if she's potentially obsessive-compulsive. I'm no doctor, and she's certainly young for that, but given the level of distress this sounds like it's causing, for you and for her, I do wonder if it wouldn't be a good idea to talk to her pediatrician about your concerns. Here's a link to an article you might find helpful: http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/OCD_p6.html.

Good luck! I hope you stick around!

Donna

Avatar for crackermommaof2
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 6:22pm
She does sound a little obsessive to me as well. My dd can be that way sometimes, and I find myself putting my foot down and telling her this is the way it's going to be. With a meal it will be "this is what we're having, you can eat it, but your not getting anything else." Also she (actually both of my kids) will not get a snack later if they haven't eaten satisfactorily at meal time. I am not a clean your plate type person, but I can usually tell if they aren't eating because they are full or because they are holding out for something else. I agree that it wouldn't hurt to your ped. as well. He/She would be much better equipped to know if this is just a phase, or if it's something a little more serious that will require intervention. I don't know what your situation is, but I do find the more I cave in to my kids, the more demanding they become. Putting my foot down helps alot. Good luck and keep us updated!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 04-04-2003 - 2:24pm
Welcome to a great board! I hope we can offer you some good advice.

It sounds like she is needing soem guidance. What she is requesting is not so uncommon for children. Lots of kids are real picky. I would try to keep her foods from toching, or things clean for her if she is wanting that....that's a good thing if you ak me. I like for kids to watch out for their own safety! LOL!! She's at the age now where she is learning more about her body and how things work. It's just a matter of time until some of these things aren't priority to her anymore.

However, if she is thristy, for example,a nd you have her drink in a cup that she doesn't "like" but it's safe, I would tell her, "When you are thirsty, you will drink your drink." I would leave it on a table or put it in the fridge. If you KNOW there is nothing wrong with it, it's just amatter of her wanting it her way, call her bluff, so to speak.

Not liking new things is not uncommon either. Just support her with reassuring words. If she is shy around other people, I would let her be. I am big on not forcing children to be social if they don't want to. No means no. I would ask her, "Can you find a way to be kind?" She may say hi and that's it, but that's ok. I think it's very important that children see they're attention is earned. If someone really cares for HER, they will earn her attentiona nd repspect. KWIM? You could just say, "It is kind to say hello when someone is speaking to you." Ler her take it further if she wants to.

As far as doing things for herself, it's time to be creative, mommy! "Let's try to clean up by the time 5 songs have played on your music tape!" "I need yo to put your PJ's on while I put mine on!" If she is saying things like, "It's too hard to pick up all of these things, help her do it one group at a time. Put her hands in yours, literally, LOL and do it with her. She'll hate that, and even if it takes a while, she'll eventually do it on her own. Trust me....just be strong and firm, mommy.

Another things I do with my five year old is I give him a time frame. W"e have 15 minutes to clean up and read a story. If you take too long cleaning up, we won't have time for a story." Then I really don't do the story. The only way it's going to sink in is if it really happens. See how many natural consequences you can come u p with for situations at your home. You'll be surprised how well that serves it's purpose.

Good luck and hang in there! It'll get better. I promise!

Janet =)

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-05-2003 - 9:12pm
You got really good advice from the other board members, but here's what I think IMHO. Could it be a control issue? I have a 4yr10month old DD who is very bossy & tends to want things her way or the highway! This, too, has just started to get worse in the last 3-4 months. I have found that if I allow an inch, she wants two inches, or a foot, or a yard, etc. etc. For us, the best thing is to be firm with her and not 'give in' to her every whim.

We're big on explanations at our house. If, for instance, she would want new PJs every night, I would try and have her explain the idea behind this request. Hopefully I am able to outwit a 4yo and help her to see her request is a little silly! Now, the food issue is a whole other thing - I haven't found a way to handle THAT one yet. Wish me luck!

Just my thought. I hope it gets better for you.