New here... need some advise

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2009
New here... need some advise
8
Tue, 03-10-2009 - 3:22am

Here is the issue I am having... Today something happened that I had no control over. I have a 5 yr old step daughter, Destinee. She was with her mom, over at her grandparents house and some money went missing. Somehow all the adults involved decided that Destinee had taken it. They yelled, screamed and hollered... made her pack all her toys into bags to be locked in her mom's closet... took away a trip to bush gardens that she has been looking forward to for weeks now... and told her that if she doesn't return the money today she will never be allowed to go to her grandparent's house again. Then they call my husband... "I don't know what to do...she refuses to admit she took it or to give it back...she is being stubborn and stupid...She is a liar and a little thief and I can't stand it any more" all of this in front of the child. He goes over there and finds a heartbroken 5 year old who still insists she did not take the money. Who is hurt beyond belief that no one believes her. I checked her bag, her pockets,, everywhere she could have hidden it... her daddy talked to her about the importance of just telling the truth, about how you get in less trouble if you tell the truth and no matter what she insisted she did not take it. At the end of the day, my husband and I believe that someone else in the house took the money and is letting Destinee take the fall for it... It is hurting her so bad, and I don't know what to do. She knows her daddy and I believe her, but we can't seem to convince her mom or grandparents that she is telling the truth... any suggestions?


Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2009
Tue, 03-31-2009 - 4:46am

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 03-30-2009 - 5:19pm
How did things go at Bush Gardens?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2008
Sun, 03-29-2009 - 1:43am
I can't offer any advice but wanted to say how lucky she is to have you as a Stepmom and in her corner.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 03-19-2009 - 10:43am

Your welcome.

I hope you have a fun time on Saturday.

One thing you might do is sit her down and talk to her about how much you and her dad love her. That no matter what she has done that she can turn to you. Everyone needs someone they can talk to, someone they can turn to when they mess up. And face it we all mess up sometime. Tell her that there may be consequences for what happened but that you will be there for her. We all have to face the consequences of our actions and sometimes they are easy to bare and other times not so much. Kids who have someone to talk to are more likely to "do the right thing" when we are not around to remind them. They know our stand on things and what the consequences are. You are not giving a free pass but you giving a place where they can come and talk to you, make things right and get a second chance (or fiftieth if your 5).

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2009
Thu, 03-19-2009 - 1:07am

Thank you so much for the support! Normally we would stand behind her mother and continue the grounding or whatever the punishment was, but this was just unacceptable. We were able to get things together and are taking her on Saturday. It hasn't come out just yet where the money went, but I certainly hope it will. My biggest thing really was disgust and astonishment at how harsh they were over something they couldn't prove.


Again, Thanks for the support! I mostly needed someone to agree with me that taking her this weekend anyway was the right thing to do.

MySpace GraphicsMySpace Graphics

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 4:53pm

Someone in that house has a history of stealing and blaming your dd and they are still insisting that she had to be the one to take it? That is amazing. Has your dh pointed that out to them? When it comes out and I truly believe this stuff does come out, I don't think I would be able to let it go.

I hope you are able to get the money together and take her to Bush Gardens. I normally am very much a person who believes in parents presenting a united front to their children. and that even if you think the punishment is harsh or unfair you let it stand. I just can't do this in this case. It is striking me as very much wrong. Where would a child under 10 go to spend money without another adult knowing? What would be the point of taking the money if you were not going to spend it? I digress though as I'm sure you have been through this all already, I'm just floored.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2009
Sat, 03-14-2009 - 1:22pm
Sorry it took me so long to answer... I forget to check this one to tell the truth. She was the last one in the house. That is all the proof they have. She was the last one out so she must have taken it. Never mind the fact that one of the women has stolen items and blamed Destinee before... never mind that she didn't even know the money was there... and never mind that she is 5 and wouldn't have anywhere to spend the money alone anyway. ::Sighs:: We are still fighting this. They want us to punish her for it too and we are completely refusing to... even trying to get together the money to take her to bush gardens ourselves since they took away the trip (That trip was all she had talked about for weeks... I hate that they took it away and am going to give it back if I can afford it... not going to tell her till I know I can do it though).

My First... His 3rd... Can't wait to Greet our newest family member Sept. 3, 2009!


pregnancy

Lilypie Kids birthday Ticker Lilypie 3rd Birthday Ticker

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 03-11-2009 - 11:56am
How awful for her. Do you have any idea why they decided that she had to have been the one to take the money? Not that that makes what they did even remotely okay.