OMG HELP!!!!! Advice please....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
OMG HELP!!!!! Advice please....
7
Tue, 05-13-2008 - 1:17am

Ok, I have never BTDT with this before, My 5 year old DS and my 3 year old DD used to share a room, for maybe 4 months. thats all, 4 months and thats only because DH and I were getting ready for the twins, (they are a year old now)

My Siggy
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Registered: 04-09-2008
Tue, 05-13-2008 - 10:29am

I've never had any problems with this kind of behavior.

Have they been around adults or older children that could have influenced them? Maybe they saw something on tv that they shouldn't have?

I think a part of it may be natural curiosity. I would keep talking with them, ask them what exactly they were doing, where they learned it, etc.

I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm saying you would let your children be exposed to anything, this is just a touchy topic and that wasn't my intention.

Good luck and I hope you can figure something out!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2006
Tue, 05-13-2008 - 6:11pm

What, exactly, is the issue here?

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Registered: 12-14-2006
Wed, 05-14-2008 - 3:39pm

The issue is the fact that he is running around wearing dora the explorer pull ups, and doing things that we feel inappropriate. Dh and I are pretty modest people, and we have tried time and time again to instill that in our children. It's kind of hard to teach DD where her "private areas" where no one is supposed to touch when DS is teaching her something completely different. DS today was trying to change DD's pull up.... She can do this herself, she has been doing this for quite sometime. DH and I feel that at 3 and 5 it's time to put on clothes;others and stop running around naked in front of others. We don't even let the twins wear just a diaper, they have a shirt on at all times. So yeah I am a little freaked over this issue, and I have no idea what step to do next as I have never been in this situation before. We guard what our children watch, what games they play, and who their friends are. DS's friends and their parents
My Siggy
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-14-2008 - 6:31pm

Does he normally wear pullups?

Avatar for cmtenna1
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-14-2008 - 8:12pm

I think that what you describe is normal, developmental, non-sexual behavior.

If your DS is trying to help DD with her pull up, it is only because he has seen you do it repeatedly. He is mimicking your behaviour. My DD mimicks this behaviour with her dolls. She changes their diapers all the time because she has seen my change my son. When my DS was in diapers, she would volunteer to change him all the time. She did it because she wanted to help, because she wanted to show me she could care for him like a "big person" could, nothing else. We are out of diapers now and the behaviour has lessened.

I am not trying to de-value what you think is important. By all means, keep them dressed if you think nakedness at that age is uncomfortable. Take them to the bathroom to put on and take off DD's pull ups so that you mirror to them that underwear (pull ups) are a private matter. This is your choice and I respect that. But to a young child, they have no concept of what is "appropriate" and what is not. They won't for several years, it is part of their development to learn along the way. At this point in their lives, being naked feels good, so they'll strip down on occasion. Your DS sees a pull up as something to be changed, he isn't sexualizing the situation at all, not like adults may.

I hope this helps you and makes you less freaked out :-)

RainyDaySiggy


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Registered: 06-25-2005
Wed, 05-14-2008 - 8:31pm

I have to agree with the others, tho' I understand where you're coming from. My family is a conservative and modest Christian family, and we generally keep even the young kids clothed. However, there just IS a level of natural curiosity that is normal and healthy in young children. The more you make it seem bad, the more curious and obsessed with it the kids will become.

My 4yo has been going through a phase of not wanting to wear pants -- underpants or outerwear. I just roll my eyes at her, tell her she's silly, but insist she wear clothing. I'll sometimes give her a little while to run around in her undies as long as she stays in the house. It feels good to her, it's fun, and it's not immoral.

When my boys were younger, they enjoyed dressing up in their sister's pretty things. All little kids enjoy sparkle and dress up. My dh would come home from work to find his son in headbands and ballerina clothing. It used to scare dh until he realized his son was still all boy and that it was just a normal phase kids go through. My boys are now 9 & 11yo and no longer interested in anything "girly" (ewwww!). My boys weren't allowed out of the house dressed in girl clothes 'cus they understood it was just for fun and to be silly, not what boys really wear. Still, they were allowed to be kids and do silly kid things.

You might also ask your kids why they're doing what they're doing. They might just be playing games, like playing dress-up-like-a-baby or being silly. They may be confused about what you find wrong about it.

As a conservative Christian, I don't see anything wrong with what your kids are doing based on the description you've provided (if there's more to the story then that could change things, but I'm not seeing it so far), but if you still disagree and don't want the kids to do it, then be CALM and matter-of-fact about it. If your kids were picking their noses, you'd just explain to them that it's germy and that they should use a tissue. Same with this issue. Just calmly tell them that you know they're having fun, but the rule in your house is to wear their clothes. Explain that pull-ups are expensive and should not be wasted. It's as simple as that. If they want to play dress up, you'll help them find something better to dress up in (a paper bag with arm holes cut out, an aluminum foil dress, some of your old clothes, etc).

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Registered: 01-07-2004
Fri, 05-23-2008 - 2:56pm
hello!! have you asked your kids what they were doing?? i used to babysit a 6 year old and a 2 year old(boy and a girl)and one day they were in my bedroom-and the lil girl had her shirt off-and she told me she was "being sexy with tyler." i told her parents about it, but they didnt seem too worried. but then again, they used to walk around naked in their house...and i know they were very open about sex. i think in your case, its natural curiosity, but its also possible they saw something they shouldnt have seen-maybe on tv...on a commercial...i would talk to them-your oldest mostly and explain about "private areas". explain that boys and girls arent supposed to show each other their private areas-only doctors and daddies and mommies can see them. that you never let anyone touch them and youre not supposed to touch other peoples. also try to explain to him that you need your 3 year old to speak for herself. you understand that hes only worried about her, but that she needs to be a big girl and speak for herself. time outs and separating them isnt really going to work-talking and explaining-and reiterating is whats going to do it. take care!
joanne
maman2goons@yahoo.com
ETA-my oldest dd used to run around naked all the time. she did it until she was 3-and one of my male friends dropped by the house unexpectedly. she was embarrassed and hasnt run around naked since. if you dont want your kids to be naked around each other-just calmly tell them that boys and girls shouldnt be naked around each other. i think as long as you talk to your kids-especially your lil boy-you will understand why hes doing what hes doing and how you can change his behavior.


Edited 5/23/2008 3:05 pm ET by jhbear419