Pre-Kindergarden stress?

Avatar for behind_blue_eyes
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Pre-Kindergarden stress?
6
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 1:29am
I wrote this last night, lost it, and then had to write it all over again. Now I come here again and it's GONE so I've been trying to find it. I'm re-posting because I can't find the archives from the 24th on. I found it!! :0) Hopefully this one will stay put! LOL!!

Lately Joshua has been having a *hard* time going to friends homes to play. He doesn't have a problem playing with them, his problem is not being at his own home, and away from me. We don't do this very often, but sometimes I would like a break and to be able to get certain things done that I can't do very well with two boys around. Anytime his buddy asks him to come over to play at his house, he tells him, "Let me think about it for a minute or two first." Then he always tells him, "No, not today". This has only just recently started. It used to be that he would ask me almost every day if he could go to his buddies house.

He has had two meltdowns going to school also. Monday I had to bring him back home because he just would NOT calm down. It started when we got to school and he realized he had forgotten his show-n-tell. He wanted me to go back home, get something, and then come back to school. Well, I wasn't doing that. First of all we were late to start with, and secondly it would take me a half hour to do just that. Well, he flipped out! Crying, being clingy, and loudly telling me he was NOT staying! The director (and also his teacher) was blown away, as was I! He has *never* done this before (he has forgotten show-n-tell before). Well, Wednesday we had another (smaller) meltdown. His buddy's mom was bringing him that day and he was fine until she pulled into the driveway. He then decided he was NOT going to school. He "hates school anymore!" Says he doesn't have fun there anymore. I finally got him calmed down enough to go. I called the teacher and asked her if she has noticed anything different at school lately. She told me she has not, but was doing a new assignment lately. (She does this with all the "graduating to Kindergarden" students...only once or twice a week). Around 9 she tells them what their assignment is for the day and they are told it needs to be done before they go out to play at 11. She doesn't say another word about it until snack time (at 10) and then just reminds them that they have an hour left before outside time and whoever hasn't done it yet may want to think about going over to the table to do it. Half of the kids will do it right away and the others will wait til the last minute to get it done. She remembers Joshua getting his done early (except the first time). She tells me he has no problem getting his work done, and is usually one of the first to get it done (not just the assignment but any work). He has no problems doing the work itself either.

She also mentioned that a lot of kids, around this time of year, get stressed out about the realization of going to Kindergarden, and it comes out in a lot of different ways. He first told me that he didn't want to go to his friends house is because he's mean to him. (not really, they just have sharing problems sometimes). Since talking to him the other day, he tells me that the reason he didn't want to go to school and why he doesn't want to go to his friends house is because he would miss me. So between the two of these, is this what is going on? Could he be stressing about going to Kindergarden? I can't think of anything else it could be. There are no changes going on around here.

Has anyone else heard of this and can ya give me any advice on how to help him with this transition?

~Lynda

Avatar for crackermommaof2
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 7:52am
Interesting you should post this, because Nathan has been going through similar things lately, and he IS in K! He loved school at the beginning of the year, but lately I have had to literally pick him up and put him on the bus with him resisting me all the time. He hasn't really given me any reason why, other than that his teacher gives him too much work. I don't see how that could be a problem though, because he is doing very well. I talked to his teacher last night and she said he is fine at school, so maybe he is just trying to see if he can just stay home. He is always worse after a few days absence. Sorry, I don't really have any advice. I've just been very firm that he HAS to go to school and remind him of all the neat things they are going to do. Just letting you know that you aren't alone.

Stephanie

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 11:14am
This came up last night at the dinner table. Emma started crying and talking about how much she was going to miss me and Sadie while she was in Kindertgarten. We started talking about how much she loves preschool and how Kindergarten will be even better. She'll get to go every day instead of twice a week. She can play outside 3 times a day instead of once a week. She can have lunch AND a snack, etc. That seemed to help a lot. I also told her we can go visit the school in May and then it won't seem so scary because she'll have a better idea of what to expect.
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Avatar for valentinebaby
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Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 4:29pm
Ok I am going to give this post a ^bump^ to put this at the top since I think it is a good question and maybe someone else can give you some idea's. I will edit my reply to you later (using the two new features)..

Lindsay had a weird thing last year before Kindergarten

XX Nik

Avatar for animalcrackers2
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Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 5:10pm
I haven't had that type of problem with Sam, but I have noticed that he is starting to have major temper tantrums and he has never really had them before. I just kind of chalked it up to all the changes that he knows are coming. One of them is his best friend is moving to Chicago (we are in CA) and he is having a really hard time with that. He also knows none of the boys in his class will be going to his school in the fall. They are all going to the same private school. We had planned on sending Sam there also, but we have decided it would just be to expensive for us (over 10,000. a year). I do remember in past years Sam by about May does get a little more clingy when I drop him off at school, but I've just always thought that is his way of showing me he is ready for a break and needs some summer vaction.

Wish I could offer some advice Lynda, but as you know with kids it's always something.

BTW how is WW going?

Hugs....

Dana

Avatar for behind_blue_eyes
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 7:54pm
Thanks y'all for your replies! (and for the ^bump up^ Nik! ;0) ) I figure it must be something along these lines. He has been having 'temper tantrums' somewhat frequently lately too. I am *trying* to keep my cool with them (sometimes not totally succeeding though, sorry to say, we've been like two rams knocking heads! Totally not helping him through this new transition. Maybe it's just contributing to it. Oh man, this parent thing is hard sometimes!!!). I am soooo hoping this is short-lived, but I'm having a hard time knowing how to help him through it. We play-up how 'cool' Kindergarden is going to be, with all the fun things he will be doing and not stressing how 'grown-up' he'll be by going. (Not sure this is the right approach though). Maybe he is needing the summer time break, and worried about starting K, maybe both combined. I don't know. It sure is always something! :0) Man, do I sound confused or what!?! LOL!

Hey Nik, what happened with Lindsay last year?

Dana, WW is going great, lost 16 lbs. so far! WHOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO! (Night time is still hardest for me though!) How 'bout you, how's it going?

Janet, a while back you asked me if I wanted a recipe and I don't think you seen my reply to your post.....I DO!!!!! I *think* you said it was like 5 points and something about it having lots of veggies, or something. Do you remember what that was?? I would LOVE it if you remember what it was. I've been meaning to post this a hundred times to you but keep forgetting!

Thanks again y'all!!

~Lynda

p.s. This new format is driving me batty, BUT, I am not willing to give this place up! (Y'all can't get rid of me that easy! LOL!!) I'll post to as many as and as often as I can get here! It's gonna take me a little bit to get used to this! :0)

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 9:08am
Before I forget, let me give you that recipe! LOL! It's a veggie stew. In a wok you put a Tbsp. of Olive Oil. and a fresh bunch of asparagus. Add one small frozen bag (or the equivalent) of each of the following: corn, green beans and peas (or snow peas) with 2 Tbsps of garlic powder, and salt and pepper to taste. While they cook, cut up white onions, green onions, red peppers and plum tomatoes. I add about a cup each to the mixture, one at a time, with tomatoes being last. (I love onions so I add quite a bit. If you don't, lessen them a little. I wouldn't omit them, because they add so much to the flavor. Tomatoes add great flavor and texture, so the more the better, just add them LAST.) Constantly folding with a wooden spatula, cook them just enough to be crunchy, not soft. You can add a Goya spice for veggies instead of salt and pepper, which is great, or keep it as is. I don't know your taste for spice, LOL! To serve it, toast whole grain bread and spray it with garlic Pam. It's great, I tell you! You can serve it with pasta if you want, but you know the points add up at that point. The bread at least has fiber so it counteracts the fat. (Healthy choice has great breads with one gram of fat and three grams of fiber!!! *wink*) So, there it is...If you try it, let me know if you like it!

On to Joshua....

I think Joshua's stress is due to the upcoming change, like most moms have already shared. Kindergarten is correctly made out to be this HUGE event, and that can stress little ones out. Look how we, as moms stress about it. KWIM? I think lots of reassurance will help him adjust fine.

If he doesn't want to go to friends' houses, I wouldn't press the issue. You could maybe invote them to your house instead so he doesn't miss out on social events. It would be VERY helpful to get those that are going ot Kindergarten as well.

***************************************

He has had two meltdowns going to school also. Monday I had to bring him back home because he just would NOT calm down. It started when we got to school and he realized he had forgotten his show-n-tell. He wanted me to go back home, get something, and then come back to school. Well, I wasn't doing that. First of all we were late to start with, and secondly it would take me a half hour to do just that. Well, he flipped out! Crying, being clingy, and loudly telling me he was NOT staying! The director (and also his teacher) was blown away, as was I! He has *never* done this before (he has forgotten show-n-tell before). Well, Wednesday we had another (smaller) meltdown. His buddy's mom was bringing him that day and he was fine until she pulled into the driveway. He then decided he was NOT going to school. He "hates school anymore!" Says he doesn't have fun there anymore. I finally got him calmed down enough to go. I called the teacher and asked her if she has noticed anything different at school lately. She told me she has not, but was doing a new assignment lately. (She does this with all the "graduating to Kindergarden" students...only once or twice a week). Around 9 she tells them what their assignment is for the day and they are told it needs to be done before they go out to play at 11. She doesn't say another word about it until snack time (at 10) and then just reminds them that they have an hour left before outside time and whoever hasn't done it yet may want to think about going over to the table to do it. Half of the kids will do it right away and the others will wait til the last minute to get it done. She remembers Joshua getting his done early (except the first time). She tells me he has no problem getting his work done, and is usually one of the first to get it done (not just the assignment but any work). He has no problems doing the work itself either.

********************************************************

If he has trouble at school staying there, I wouldn't bring him home unless he is sick. I mean visably ill, throwing up or pooping. If you alter his routine now, no matter how samll, it could have a reverse effect than what you intended. He is experiencing some fear about the upcoming "change" so now he needs to know that things will stay consistant, not necessarily the "same," but consistant. That will help him feel more secure. Talk to the teachers about his anxiety and ask them to assist with encouragement. They have a MAJOR impact on how he sees his education. How they prepare and interact with him will greatly impact his transition.

As far as the work goes, he may be stressed about it to the point that he finishes it quickly enough not to see what the consequences are. If the teachers haven't already explained WHY they are changing his curriculum, they should do so. He is obviously a child, like my Tre Tre, who needs to be informed.

Now that you know what is going on, you can help him at home. Read books such as Annabel Swift Goes To Kindergarten. He is probably just so fearful of the unknown. Visits to the school so he can see how the children interact and play will also be helpful.

The most important thing IMO, is to ask him why he is so upset. "Honey, you look sad. Can you tell me why you are crying?" See if he gets talking to you. Make sure that when he talks about a fear, that you take it all the way....go to the end of the situation with a solution or a positive outcome. For exammple, if Joshus says, "I will miss you when I go to Kindergarten, mommy!" You can talk to him about the time he will be there. With Tre, I compare it to cartoon shows. *wink* You may also want to share with him that when he is in school, mommy will be doing laundry and chores. That way he doesn't feel like he's missing anything. The Kissing Hand is a FABULOUS book! I'd get that and share with him how HE can remember YOU during his day. You could tell him that you two will have some special time together after school so he can tell you all of the wonderful things he learned that day. I wouldn't go into too many specifics with him because it may intimidate him. Just let him know how much you will be waiting for him, and how much his day will be so much better in Kindergarten with all te great activities they do!

Most importantly, show him how much YOU trust HIM and his SCHOOL. "I know you will be safe and have a good time. You are great at making friends! I can't wait to hear how many great new friends you have at school!"

I hope I helped you out some, Lynda. I know Tre has already started with "I just want to be with you forever, mommy! I just don't want you to leave me!" It's not easy to hear your baby in distress. The thing is we KNOW they are safe and OK. If we give off that confidence to them, they'll be just fine. Until then, keep things consistant, and positive. HUGS!!!!!!!

Janet =)


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