Pre-School 4 my 4yo DS?

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Registered: 04-08-2008
Pre-School 4 my 4yo DS?
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 9:53pm
My DS Jake will be 4 in July and have been thinking of starting him in pre-school come September. Right now he stays home with his dad during the day and I am home at night. The work situation has worked well for us during these early years. Jake has mostly been with his mom, dad, grandmother, aunt, etc. I had to put him in Day Care p/t for awhile because my husband was working days. I quickly pulled him out when he got a new "teacher". She wasn't "all there" and wasn't competent to supervise children. I could go on and on about that girl, but I won't. He has since stayed home... watching TV, playing video games, and many other non-structured activities.

My DH and I have considered putting him in Pre-school for a few reasons. For one, to get a head start on learning, he has no interest right now. I try to go over the ABC's and 123's with him, but he loses interest quickly or just refuses. But, my main reason is to help him with "separation" from his dad (or any family member) during the day, something he will have to deal with in Kindergarten. Jake is very, very shy (unlike my other two children). When he attended Day Care before he would cry 90% of the times I dropped him off. He would only be content with one teacher, but she left a month after he started. So, everytime I dropped him off it was torture on me.

I would love to have some of your opinions! Part of me thinks when he starts Kindergarten he can comprehend the fact that we won't be separated for long, or will he.

You would think after two other children this wouldn't be an issue, but the other two were so different. My first DS loved Pre-school and never cried, and my DD cried a little but, loved being with the friends she made at school (she's a "social butterfly"). Now, there's Jake. So, so different.

Thanks again!


Avatar for valentinebaby
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 2:50pm
Hi Kim, I see no one answered your post and for that I am sorry. Seems this new board and a lot of the reg's being busy have slowed this usually fun board down.. anyway, I am giving you a bump to the top so maybe you will get some more posts.. Welcome to the board.

I really don't have a lot of advice as both my children love preschool. I would say that it would have to be something that you TRY and see what happens. It MAY work out fine and surprise you. I really wish I had something else to add. I hope you get some BTDT advice from the board.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 3:58pm
Well, I'd do it, for the socialization things, and so he starts getting the "circle time" sort of thing down (sitting still in a group). Around here, at least, most of the kids have SOME level of preschool going into KG. I'd try a different program for preschool, though--sounds like where you tried was having staffing issues! Generally a sign of a place that's NOT treating its employees well, and you don't want your kids there.

Mind you, I'm talking something like a 3 day/week morning preschool, not all-day daycare, too--that way he gets lots of the unstructured time he likes!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 4:04pm
Hi Kim! I think I would go ahead and enroll him in preschool. I would rather get the separation issue solved before the added stress of kindergarted is added. Make sure you "shop around" and find a preschool that you feel comfortable with. I visited a lot of preschool classes before I found the one for my dd.

Did your son cry a lot after you left daycare of a morning? There was a girl in my dd's preschool class last year that cried everyday when her mom dropped her off, but as soon as her mom was gone she was fine. The teacher said that was very common in preschool aged kids.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

Amy, Mom to Shelby (5/97) & Emily (4/01)

Avatar for three_rugrats
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 5:14pm
Hi Kim, I'm just a new lurker and thought I'd pop in. My first Jessica was 5 on December 20th thus currently in Preschool. She has had 1 new student join their class this past week who seems to be a lot like your son. And It is really hard on her and I feel really bad for for the teachers and her - she's a great kid but has no concept of listening for direction skills. Probably from her parents she is fine but from others the concept isn't there.

I really do think you should work on the separation thing (I have that problem with my almost 3 year old - always being with family) so I can understand. You really have to make him understand that you will return. Even if you take little hour breaks where you get a sitter to watch him to go grocery shopping and then when you return hipe up the fact that "I came back - See I told you I wouldn't be long". My next suggestion would be a storytime routine at a library.... so he can ease into the sitting when expected and listening and crafts. Even with you there it will benefit him a great deal. Then since it's so late in the year I'm not really sure if it's fair to the students or if your area preschools even accept late entry (I know a few of ours don't), look into a summer program daycare set up like a preschool. It's a hard one I know but ask around and research research and research some more.

Now I've been through a lot of kindergarten expectations from our area school and if you don't do my suggestions they will work with him and he won't be far behind... so don't worry. It is said no matter how prepared they are by 2nd grade they all catch up to each other anyhow. So your key focus should be on separation. I know it'll be a hard one for my almost 3 year old who will be going into a 3 year old preschool program next year. I've considered keeping her home for another year and having her younger sister and her start preschool the following year at the same time, but I just know the separation thing is gonna get worse especially since we have a home based business so both dh and I area home 90% of the time.

Good luck

Andrea, mom to Jessica 12/20/97, Jennifer 5/2/00 and Sarah 6/14/01

Andrea aka: Brit
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 03-31-2003 - 9:20pm
Kim~ I would definitely sign him up for preschool. A true preschool...not a "daycare" experience. My DD (4.5) sounds much like your son. Altho she was interested in the "academic" end, she was also slow-to-warm and needed to learn how to join a new group & make friends. It took about 6 weeks before she started to open up to her fellow students and teachers. Now she loves it! I think children like ours benefit from this experience and it helps to give them much more self-confidence as they enter school.

A couple of thoughts...your son has a summer birthday (as does my daughter). If the "cut-off" for kdgn is Sept. 1st in your state, a year in preschool will help you to decide whether or not to send your child to kdgn. the next year. (BTW we've decided to wait a year.) Also Kdgn. is much more academically oriented than even 5 years ago. Perhaps a preschool experience might peak his interest is learning is #'s, abc's, etc.

Good luck, JoAnn

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 8:49am
I just enrolled my 4yo DD in preschool for similar reasons. She stays with Grandma/Grandpa all day so has little interaction with kids her age. She is very shy, and I thought preschool would be good for her before Kindy. Our school system is currently voting on whether to go to all day kindy and I think that would be a big shock for her. The preschool she will go to is MWF 12:15-2:30. I don't know your child, but it sounds as if he might benefit from preschool.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 9:10am
I will tell you honestly that Kindergarten teachers can always tell the difference between kids who have gone to pre-school and those who didn't. I have two kindergarten teachers in my family and they say the same things. Socialization is better, intellect is better and kids fare much better all around if they attend pre-school. Of course, it isn't for ALL kids, but my suggestion would be to seriously look into it. Kindergarten might be tough for a child who hasn't been around kids much and who doesn't have the experience of a "classroom" setting. I would look around at pre-schools in your neighborhood. Shop around like you would if you bought a car. You want the best for your child. Sit in on a classroom at each of the places you like. What teachers do you like best? What formats do you prefer? You'll find all of that out when you take the time to observe.

Loving wife to David (3-2

Avatar for ang2gals
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 10:17am
I would enroll ds in preschool for structured learning & socialization opportunities. Both my girls were in home DC but then switched around age 3 1/2 to center based care. It was much tougher on my youngest (she adjusts slowly to change) but better trauma now then in Kindergarten IYKWIM.

There are so many opportunities that my dds enjoyed that their home DCs couldn't provide even tho the girls were very attached to them. Both loved gymnastics, the events (entertainers/performers brought into the center) that came to them, music lessons, martial arts, the TV studio in the center as well as health/fitness education provided. My older dd is now in 1st grade & her teacher could definitely tell she'd been in some type of educational program. Both the girls had kids that attend P/T, say Tu/Th or MWF in their preschool program even tho they attended F/T (since my DH & I work F/T). I wouldn't hesitate to put your ds in a preschool program as a foundation for kindergarten.

-- Ang


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 04-04-2003 - 1:32pm
Hi there, and welcome! I can see you're a pro with child care issues after having three kids in it! =) If you are really wanting to broaden his horizens a bit, what about a part time PREK? That way it's not a long time, and the learning is done while he's playing. He may not protest so much if he sees others doing it also.

I can relate to your concerns about his teacher. I would maybe try another program, or give it another chance. Stay in touch with the director. If she (or he) is a good one, they will help you and your son through this transitional phase. Sometimes it takes mommy AND child a while to get used to a new step in childhood. =)

I hope I helped some. Thanks for bing patient with us. The new format is taking some getting used to, but we're coming along. Normally we are a very spunky bunch, so I hope you stick around to join in on the fun!

Janet =)

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