Sometimes I want out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sometimes I want out.
3
Wed, 12-14-2011 - 12:00am

I am in a point in my life where some days I am just over being a mother. I love my children but I just can't always take them anymore. I am tired of being the mom who's kids are brats. They don't respect me, don't listen to me, they are rude and just all around horrible. I find myself more and more often saying mean things to them out of sheer frustration. I know better. I just have no idea how to begin to change. I was never this hateful mean person before I had chiildren. Anyone that knew me could tell you that. I really don't enjoy being a mother most of the time. I do a lot of things wrong and yet, no matter how hard I try I can't do them the right way. I feel like such a failure. My husband is a strict man with the kids and is often loud with them but it only takes one word from him and they behave. Unfortunately he is gone all but about 4 days a month. I have a step-daughter that untill recently was just adding to the problem but now she has been a lot better. I just feel as though everyone around me looks at me like a horrible mom. I put on a front around people because I am ashamed of who I really am. Please don't think that I would ever beat my children and do things to hurt them because that is not the case. I think i need some therapy and medication but we can not afford insurance so that's out. I just don't know what to do. I love my family and would never leave them but I know I need help. I have always been a very strong person but now...I just don't know what to do about this. My husband says he fears he will have to come home and change jobs because he worries our children will grow up to be "those kids" that are hellians and that are just rude and disrespectful and act horrible in public. They humiliate me every time we leave the house but I just don't know what to do about it. I have tried all the discipline I know to do but they just don't care. I am so exhausted with trying. Most of the time I just want to let him be the one to teach them because aparently I con't do it right.

Is there anyone else that feels this way or has any advice? I don't know if I can tell DH how things really are for me because he is the only one working and I don't think we could make it if he changed jobs to be home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2007
Wed, 12-14-2011 - 11:46am
HUGS to you! I SO know how you feel, you certainly aren't alone. I love my children to pieces but there are days when I just don't like being a mother. It is an exhausting job and it is only made worse when you don't feel respected or that all of your hard work is appreciated. I wish I had the right words to say, or the best advice to give, but I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone and that I think most of us feel this way from time to time. When I get to that place I try to find time for myself. Even if it is just a trip to the grocery store alone, or a coffee date with a friend, I find that I can return home with a clearer head. Do you ever get time away for yourself?

Hang in there!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sat, 12-17-2011 - 5:08pm

Thanks for the reassurance. I have fet better after writing that and haven't felt as bad since. I don't get time alone unless the kids are asleep, but, that's the life I chose. I really like being a stay at home mom but I just have those days where I ask myself if the trade off of my previous life was worth it. Once I have time to reflect on my feelings...as in reading what I wrote, I realize that yes it was worth it. Sometimes it just gets to be too overwhelming. I have to admit that I do go to the grocery store alone when DH is home and this Christmas will be nice because we get a few hours of alone time. A dear friend of mine is keeping the kids for us while we finish our Christmas shoppig. That'll give the two of us some much needed time alone together..even if we aren't able to be romantic and such. I'll take it. We only get alone time about once every year or so. Needless to say...not very often. It makes it very hard when he is gone for long periods of time like he has been this time out. He has been gone for 6 weeks with no home time in between. He will be home for almost 2 weeks though. That means we get to spend Christmas, my birthday and New Years together. I'm sure the time alone with him will make me feel better. I did talk to him and he helped me feel better about why I am having so much trouble. He actually seems to get it. I think telling someone made me feel better.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Mon, 12-19-2011 - 10:47am
Hugs, you are definitely not alone at all! There are many days I feel the same way, except I work full time and my DH runs his own business so he is gone a lot, and while he helps out when he can when he is home, he's the same way , very strict with the kids and they jump at anything he tells them. Then he looks at me like i"m nuts and doesn't understand why I get so upset and anxious about the kids. I raised my 16 year old on my own for many years, and she was an extremely well behaved child, so now all of a sudden with a 2 and 4 year old who never listen to a word I say, its a huge adjustment. I can't say I have much advice for you, other than take it one day at a time. Can you look into a part time preschool for the 5 year old? I am assuming he/she didn't meet the cut off for this past fall kindergarten. There are usually plenty of preschools you can do 1/2 days 3 days a week. That would give you a break from having both little ones, let them interact with other kids their age, and give you some one on one time with the little one, which may give you some ways to start making small changes in behavior. I've heard several people suggests the 123 Magic books, and I have started the book "The No Cry Discipline Solution", but i haven't made much headway in it yet between home and my work schedules.
Photobucket