son acts so differently when I'm around

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2004
son acts so differently when I'm around
2
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 11:09pm

Hi,
My son is alomost 5. He is a very good boy. We just have a couple of issues we're trying to work on.

Before he started preschool last year, I was very concerned about him sitting in the corner and crying. I thought that because he has never been away from me and was always clingy around me. Preschool turned out to be a lot of fun for him. He loved it.

Doing sports last year was only possible if I was right there playing with him. That was not possible for t-ball so I pulled him out because he would just sit there and cry. Neither one of us looked forward to Thursdays because it was t-ball time. I just figured he wasn't ready. I realized this year that he does just fine as long as I'm not around. He's one of those kids that does not want me to watch him.

I signed him up for three sports because he wanted to do it this time. I do as he says and I leave. That way, he participates and has fun.

First of all, why is it that most parents sit there because that's what their kids want. Why does my son want me to leave? I try to be supportive. I tell him that he's doing a great job. We never pressured him into doing anything. We never make him feel like he's not good enough. We always try hard to make him feel like he's doing a great job.

He did the same thing in preschool when I volunteered. I know that he opened up to the teachers and played with the other kids. When I was around, he wouldn't really talk much. If we saw his teachers in the hallway (on days that he didn't have preschool) and they said "Hi," he acted like they were strangers and just smiled a little. Sometimes he would just look at me.

Today, we went out with our friends for dinner. Our friends have a boy that's a couple of months younger than our son. When we're they're at our house, they have a blast. We don't see them too often because their schedules are completely different. However, the several times that we have seen them, they had a lot of fun. Today, however, we were at the restaurant and our son completely embarrased us. He wouldn't talk to him at all. Anytime this other boy said something to him, he ignored him and looked at us (as if he was looking for our approval to talk to him). He also said today that he wasn't happy. The reason for that was because my husband and I cleaned the house together today so we couldn't spend every minute with him.

Our son has more toys than anyone else we know. He also has a younger sister that would love to play with him. There are times when she's taking a nap. During those times, I don't understand why he can't find something that he can play with by himself. We're not always playing with him 100% of the time. I have chores to do during the week and he does fine with his toys. He also has several friends. I'm always trying to arrange a playdate. I take him to the pool and many other fun places. We're not home much during the week because I'm always trying to do something for him.

We are really tired of him looking at us when people try to talk to him. I understand if they were strangers. However, most of the time they're not. It's really embarrasing and I often think that the person trying to talk to him thinks that there is something wrong with him. He's a good boy, very well-mannered. I just want him to say "Hi" to whoever it is that says "Hi" to him or to answer their question if they ask him one.

Does anyone else have a boy (or girl) that is like this? Any comments would be greatly appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Wed, 07-04-2007 - 4:05pm
It sounds like you are in a similar boat as I was at your son's age. My DS would be all clingy when I was around. I think it is a stage that kids go threw. He may just be learning how to separate from you to do things and that may be the reason he seems to not be as talkative when you are around. As far as the games try to tell him you are leaving and inadvertently start a conversation with another Mom and forget to leave (hang around in the back) if you want to sick around. A lot of Moms use this as social time for themselves too.
HTH
Joan

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2004
Wed, 07-04-2007 - 4:22pm

Thanks for your reply.

I tried to stick around before. He watches me and tells me to go. When he still sees me, he just stands there staring at me. He will not participate when I'm around. It's hard for me to hide in the back because I also have a 2-year old that roams around. It would be extremely hard to get her to sit still when all she wants to do is see her big brother. If he sees her, he'll know I'm still there. I know that he has a wonderful time when I'm not there. I guess that for now, I have to respect his wishes. His happiness is too important to me. I just hope that it's a phase that he gets out of soon.