an update, please forgive me

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2006
an update, please forgive me
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 4:51pm

Hi Ladies ~~

You might remember me from a couple of months back when I wrote about what a terrible time my son was having in school, in kindergarten no less.

Well, the school year has now come to an official close (tomorrow is actually the "real" last day) although for my son it ended nearly two weeks ago at the end of a really horrible week. Outbursts, pushing, throwing things... they called me at work and we pulled him out nearly two weeks early because truthfully I had had enough of the negativity that we were recieving from his teacher not to mention I was afraid that he might hurt someone without meaning to considering the way his behavior was escalating. These last two weeks with him at home, while not being perfect (the boy is 5 after all) haven't been the tornado that we were experiencing while he was at school. I literally would breathe a sigh of relief if we made it to 3:15 without a phone call from the school. The day before we pulled him out my husband had to go get him early and spoke to the administrator who, when my husband said maybe we should just not send him the rest of the year, said "that's up to you". The very next day, when we returned her response to my saying, "That's it. We're done" was, "That's probably a good idea". She's a very nice, helpful lady but with that I could see that Daniel had worn even her down.

Now I'd like to tell you how his teacher responded. Nothing. No note, no phone call, nothing positive at all. Daniel wanted to send her a note that my marigolds from Mother's day were finally starting to bloom and in return she sent all of his things from the classroom back with my older boy today shoved (SHOVED.. that's the way he received them before he left for the day) into a Wal-Mart bag. Inside was not only a present for my husband for Father's Day (she couldn't have sent that home last weekend?)but his report card all nice and wrinkled with her comment on the bottom stating that "Daniel should have a less stressful and more confident year next year... when it is figured out what his needs are and what triggers his behavior... I wish him much success in the future".

Needless to say I was extremely upset and locked myself in my room for about 20 minutes away from boys so that I could cry for all that we did wrong this year and so that I could finally put a name to this sick feeling that I have had for the last two weeks whenever I think of her. It's hate. I hate this woman, truly and with all my heart. There were times when I was younger when stuff would happen and I would think that I hated someone but it was never like this. Not ever. It's not a good feeling, I don't like it but it's there and I can't make it go away. I would like to hope that in her early teaching years she was better at it than she is now, but somehow I don't believe it. You can't become that cold, it has to already be in you somewhere.

Repeating kindergarten is not going to kill my son and I know Daniel is responsible for his own behavior, but her reaction, or her non- action is where I have a problem with her. Next year will be better... we've already got things set up for next year for him with the school, we have an appt with our dr on Monday and I've begun to implement some things at home that, while not necessarily something that would work in a school environment, work short-term at home.

Daniel is not a perfect child by any stretch of the imagination, but he's my boy and you don't mess with my kids. None of them. Next year will be better for all of us because she's no longer apart of our education.

Thanks for listening...


Avatar for cmkristy
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
Mon, 06-28-2010 - 11:37am

HUGS, Vicki

I'm so sorry that your son had such a bad experience in school this year.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2006
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 3:23pm

Thanks for everything...

No, we don't have a say in who his teacher is next year however (haha) there are 4 or 5 k- teachers in the school and when they do things outside the school they usually do them in pairs and I fully intend to find out who his teacher is paired with and make sure that THAT teacher isn't within 5 feet of my son.

In fact, I'd like to update you even further and say that we took Daniel to his consult yesterday with our pediatrician who basically said that Daniel has anxiety brought on by wanting to please everyone (we told her of the things that happened in school and out) and frustration at not being able to express himself properly (ie the need for speech therapy) which explains almost all of his behavior from lashing out at other people (students, teachers and us)to biting his finger nails down so far that they are almost non-existent. She agreed with our being way more involved next year (at least in the beginning, hopefully we'll be able to back off)and with all the therapies they have arranged for the year, including the idea for a picture board both at school and at home (which I've already begun to prepare). We are going to do some role-playing to help him be more comfortable socially and more preparation to make transitioning from one thing to the next a little easier. She also gave us a list of psychologists to get in touch with to help with these things also.

We've got a long, bumpy road ahead of us and as his mom I feel horrible because we, my husband and I, were part of the problem. She may have started things but we didn't make things easier by trying to get him to behave more the way that she wanted instead of being himself. We made things worse. Now, though, we have the right ideas and feel confident that we are headed in the right direction to help Dan sort out his feelings a little more and be proud to be himself.

BTW... he was really upset this morning when I told him that he was going to do K again next year (truthfully I'm not sure how it even came up but I just went with it) so that he could make a whole new set of friends and really impress the administrator and everyone else with his great new attitude. When that didn't help, I told him that the rule was that he couldn't go on to 1st grade until he lost his first tooth and none of his were even loose yet! (Hey, so I'm still not perfect in the honesty department but I'm getting there!!)

Thanks again and I'll let you know how the summer goes.... :)