Weird Situation. HELP!!! (long rant)
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|Wed, 06-04-2003 - 4:11pm|
On Sunday, when we got back, I was met at the door by a hysterical mother telling me that my son was a bully-wanna-be, and that she never wanted to see his nasty little face at their house again (in front of my son and daughter). What little information I got was that their children had taken my children for a bike ride and they stopped at a graduation party in the neighborhood. Three boys that their 13-year-old had been bullied by all year came to the party, tackled their son and started to pinch and kick him. In the meantime, my five-year-old turned around and saw the boys wrestling and jumped in. He started kicking our neighbors' son and tried to pull down his pants.
In the meantime, the 10-year-old sister, the girl friend of the 13-year-old and my 7-year old were standing nearby, and all say they didn't know the boy was in trouble, so no one went to get help, even though there were many grownups in the back yard, and our houses were only around the corner. After the other boys left, our kids went back to the party for a while and then went home.
When they got home and told their parents what happened, they also said that my son helped beat him up. From what I've been told, the mother went ballistic and started yelling at my son, put him in a long time-out in the upstairs hall, and made him sleep in a room by himself (which had a bed, but he wasn't allowed to sleep in it because he didn't deserve a bed). Apparently, there was some name-calling that included both the mother and the children. I had given my cell phone number to them and checked it every hour, and no one called, even though we were 15 minutes away.
The neighbor has finally spoken to me, but doesn't believe that there wasn't intent and malice on the part of my child, and that he is destined to be a juvenile delinquent. She did calm down somewhat when I told her that my husband and I had witnessed their children being verbally (if not physically) cruel to our son in the past few months. I asked if their son would talk to my son to let him know how much it hurt him that a friend would kick a friend, but he is not interested in speaking to my child.
I know that our friendship (?) is pretty much shot, and that they will always believe that my son is a monster; however, I need to know if I have anything to worry about where his behavior is concerned. I called his preschool teacher (who has had him for two years)immediately and asked if there was anything going on at school that I didn't know about, and she said absolutely not. She said he was the sweetest boy she had, and he was the only one in the school who was willing to stand up for and befriend a little girl that no one else liked. He and the other five-year-old boys liked to chase and wrestle, but that there was always an adult there to refocus unsafe choices if it looked like it was going to get out of hand. We have not had any trouble with his behavior at home, other than the regular sibling stuff and an occasional stubborn streak.
I am still trying to get my head around how they treated him, and I am riddled with guilt for not knowing I shouldn't have left them there. I've told him that even though it was wrong for him to have kicked and 'pantsed' their son, it was also wrong for the grownups to have treated him that way, and that it's not how grownups are supposed to resolve problems. Not to mention that my son is the only one who has been punished so far. None of the other boys' parents, coaches, or teachers have been called. I also told him that I was sorry that I could not be there to help him. He knows he did a naughty thing, but it is clear to me that he has no idea what the bru-ha-ha is all about, or why he can no longer play with the neighbor kids.
Please give me some insight. Do I need to take him to a child psychologist for evaluation? Am I raising a bully? Why did he do it? I'm so emotionally drained that I don't trust myself to think this through straight.
Distraught mom and neighbor.