At what point is therapy truly necessary?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2008
At what point is therapy truly necessary?
8
Sat, 02-05-2011 - 4:25pm

My ex husband and I share custody of our soon to be 4 year old son.

Avatar for cmkristy
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
Mon, 02-07-2011 - 12:13pm

Hello and welcome to the board!

 photo snowsiggy.png

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 4:30pm
Welcome to the board :)

Although it sounds like normal behavior to me - Maybe therapy would be good for all three of you to go to.. maybe then your ex would understand that its age appropriate, and then treat your son accordingly.

Logan has some curious behaviors that seems to come out of nowhere and I always question if I should talk to my ex about them or just let them slide/work on them in my household. My ex also has a completely different view/style on parenting... he was CONVINCED when Logan was a baby that he was deaf because he didn't startle - until one day when he was a month old, he cried when the cats knocked over something and made a super loud noise.
 

Fall 2010 2

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2008
Wed, 02-09-2011 - 9:17pm

Yes I suggested the therapy today, and he was receptive, although he threw in a jab that I would sugar coat to the therapist what is going on at my house!!! I can't seem to win with him, I'm trying to help us

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
Sat, 02-12-2011 - 11:06pm
Can you change your visitation arrangement? Kids at this age need stability and consistency. I'm am divorced too and my son is a little older than 4. My son lives with me FT and his dad does visits at my house (I know, not common). It may be too much change for your son, different house and different daycares. Imagine if you had to change your life every week? Its hard to fathom as an adult so it is very hard on preschoolers, who feel they are their world. How long have you been divorced? I'm just wondering if it is new and he is acting out. I feel for you because I know how hard it is and questioning everything. My son sometimes demonstrates anger issues (mainly with me when I discipline, which is why I'm visiting this board). I can't tell if it is normal 4 year old behavior or if its the D or something else. He's the only boy in my family so no one can advise me to "normal" boy tantrums. I also highly believe in a mother's instinct. You know what's best and can sense things. Sounds like your X has the "martyr" complex (he does all right!). Best of luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2008
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 2:11pm

I am looking into the custody rearranging, I'm hopeful that with some counseling, my ex and I can

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 4:38pm

If your son is acting so vastly different at the different schools, then maybe it has something to do with one of the schools being overwhelming or unfriendly toward him. It definitely sounds like your EX is pushing a bit too hard. Therapy has been recommended for my son, but my first marriage (to his father) was a very negative environment (read: domestic violence issues). I don't necessarily think that therapy for a four year old is needed, but perhaps a mediator to help with parenting style issues between you and your ex and I agree that a custody arrangement that emphasizes stability is the appropriate and helpful at this age. Best of luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
Sat, 02-19-2011 - 10:50pm
I hope you can get the custody to be rearranged to be more stable. It just has to be overwhelming for him and the different environments in your house vs his dad's (half siblings, may not get as much attention as with you). I also feel these kids are so smart that at some times they know what they are doing. My son is SO different with me. Yes, the tantrums are worse but he is also more loving with me, more emotional with me. Our bond is definitelt different than with his dad. My reaction to the tantrums is opposite than yours. I'm a yeller and my X is all calm, speaking to him eye to eye. But the kids behave so much better for my X than for me. My family says the kids are like little soldiers with their dad because he isn't as emotionally connected as I am with them.

I will check out that book to see if there is anything I should be concerned about. I will also ask his genectist to see if its "normal" behavior. My son is so sweet otherwise and gentle with his sister. He does act like second in command in the house and I can already see him thinking he's "man of the house".

Just keep looking out for him. Your X will continue being the martyr. Keep us posted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2007
Thu, 02-24-2011 - 7:57pm

I haven't read all the posts.