WHINING - help

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2008
WHINING - help
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 7:40am

My just-turned- 4 yr old is a very independent, willful, stubborn and cranky child who can also be incredibly happy, funny, a real prankster and such a charmer.... I list cranky/stubborn before his more amicable qualities only because recently those are the sides we see most often. He is also either whining or fake whining ('Ba-ha-wa-ha') when things don't go his way.... what gives, any thoughts on how to deal with this

(Background: he has an older brother who started in grade one this year. he is at the same home based daycare he and his brother attended, though DS #1 has not been there since June of this year... he desperately wants to go to school. he misses his brother, followed the school bus a block one days before I caught up to him. They are close, adore each other with the usual childhood\sibling spats...At Daycare, he is the second oldest, the eldest just started kindergarten so she is there only half days now, he tells me she is mean, but he always tends to focus on the negative, so I am not sure this is true or just again, normal childhood spats that he is blowing out of proportion (caregiver says she doesn't notice anything out of ordinary in their relationship - they have know each other all their lives)... all the other kids that are at daycare have been there close to 2 years, all the kids have know each other since infancy... the others are a 2 yr old boy and 2 3-yr old girls. He likes playing with them, but I wonder if he is using baby-tactics from the interactions........)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 9:08am
I wish I could help but instead I can just tell you I'm with you. My DD just turned 4 and she cries or whines about everything and nothing. I don't know whether to scold her or comfort her. Half the time doing either makes her worse. She just started Pre-k this year too and she loves it but I hate it I want my good respectful little girl back and I'm afraid that I might not see that for a long time. If you have gotten any good advice let me know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2008
Sat, 10-04-2008 - 9:48am
This can be a hard time for your son and yes being around younger children can cause him to regress a bit. Now to the solution..... When he whines and cries do not give in or even acknowledge it. If he is hurt, ill or truly sad you can take care of his tears. When he is just whining and crying for attention or to get something, ignore it. Start by telling him to use his words. You can also acknowledge his sad feelings but if those do not work and he is having a tantrum walk away and when he is calm go back and ask him to use his words. If his negative behavior does not work for him anymore he will have to find something else to do which will be use his words.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2008
Sat, 10-04-2008 - 1:01pm

I completely agree. He might need help to label it at first. Maybe say I can see you were disappointed when you couldn't have x. That way he can come to make the link between feelings and words. That will help you both loads.

And some of it is just a stage. My 4 yo DS is driving me batty with the whining. Sometimes i really contemplate using earplugs to get through the day LOL

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 3:52pm

Whining, complaining and focusing on the negatives seems to be a stage they come and go through and various ages. My 9 yo was bad over the summer. He was complaining and whining all the time. Whining gets you nothing with me and never has. I even asked him over the summer if whining has ever worked for him and it shut him down. For the moment any way because it was back the next day.

With Lindsay (5), some days the ignore until she talks right works and other days you have to step in and put a stop to it. Right now I've been telling her that I agree it isn't fun but we can't do that right now and if she needs a moment to work it out then take it but I am not going to sit around listen to her complain and whine. If she wants my help calming down, I'll give it but if I'm not helping, then again, I stepping away.