WWYD? Bday party after school & I work.m

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Registered: 03-26-2003
WWYD? Bday party after school & I work.m
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Mon, 04-07-2003 - 3:03pm
DD got an invitation in the mail just last Thursday to a bday party this Wednesday for a K classmate. However the party is right after school (12:00 - 3:15pm). The mother wrote a very nice note asking me to write a note telling the teacher that DD will take the bus home with her DD (bday girl) and then the mother offered to drive DD to preschool after the party. I thought that was very nice, but I do not know this mother. I have never even seen her at school functions. DD is always talking about the friend, though.

I called and RSVPd saying that DD would attend and the mother informed me that she was going to be picking up the girls from school because another mom was also going to help pick up kids (whereas before she didn't have room in her van for all the girls). Then she said she would take DD to preschool as she was also taking another girl to the same preschool. I told her OK.

Well, now I'm really having second thoughts. Like I said, I don't know the mom. And besides DH/me and the preschool/field trip bus/van, DD has only ridden with my mom/step dad and brother (and that was only 1x with my bro) and a good friend's mom (2x).

Am I being funny about this? I know I should go with what I feel is best. But I'm curious what you would do in my shoes - if it was your child and you had to work. Do you think the timing of the party is kind of "different" too? I guess being that I work, I would only schedule a weekend or evening party. Like I have said the mother is very willing to drive DD, but I would NEVER offer to drive another child somewhere if I didn't know them. Would you??!!

Kathy, Alexandra (6/19/97) and Christian (12/22/99)

BTW, I told DD last night that I didn't know this mom and didn't feel comfortable with her riding in the car with her. I asked her if she would be OK just taking the present to her friend at school and not going to the party. Surprisingly, she said it would be OK. I feel terribly though and just left a message for my mom to see if she could take her and pick her up. If she can't, what kind of "excuse" should I give the mom?

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 3:30pm
Hi Kathy!! I have been in your position way too many times!! I have learned over the years that is always best just to be completely honest from the get go. I have found that making excuses only gets me dug in deeper. I say "no way" if you don't know this woman, then definitly do not have her drive your dd anywhere. Last Thursday, another mom at my daughters preschool wanted to take my daughter home after school and even though I talk with her in line, I don't feel comfortable with her driving my daughter so I told her "well my husband and I aren't comfortable with anyone driving her just yet, I know you think I'm overprotective but, would you mind if I just followed you home and dropped her off??" I think the mom had more respect for me for being honest and she totally understood and agreed. You will get those who will take it personally but,.... Oh well, it is your child and you are her #1 protector. I still don't let my 7 year old go anywhere with anyone. Plus, you don't know what their views on car seats are... I see 4 year olds all the time in regular selt belts and I still have her in a 5 pt harness so you never know how the other parent is going to seat them. I think it's rude for any parent to expect other parents to just "go with the flow". I think you're a great parent and you put your child before convienance. Good luck!!

Jeanne
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 3:57pm
IMO, I would NOT let her go and I do find the timing of the party very very funny(odd). That would make me wonder...why couldn't they have the party on a weekend or if they wanted to have the party on a weekday, at least have it after parents get off work. I would be very concered about letting my child get into someone else's car...especially if I did not know them. I think the other poster brought up a good point regarding the seating and the booster seats.

Is there anyway that you could maybe get off a little early that day and take your DD to the party? Maybe you can go in a little early that day and work through your lunch to make up time...just a thought. If there is no way that you can make the party and your DD is ok with just taking a present to the girl...then that is what I would do. Just call the mom and explain that your DD can't make it to the party after all, but she would love to give her a present. Then maybe suggest a place to meet on the weekend so the two girls can get together and you can meet the mom. That way the mom won't think that you are trying to blow them off and you will finally get to meet.

Good luck.

Joy

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Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 4:02pm
Well, picking other people's kids up at school for playdates seems pretty common at our school. Yes, I let Ryan get picked up by a mother I don't know too well. She did have another booster seat. I've picked up a kid, don't know how well the Mom thinks she knows me (I know the Dad, they were on the same soccer team).

Would I send my kid to the b-day party? Probably. I might, however, talk to some mother I DID know first.

I will admit, I wish people would THINK about the working parents with the b-day parties...there's one in the middle of the day during school vacation, which means since he really wants to go, somebody has to go pick him up, take him, and then reverse the trip in the middle of the work day. Why are weekends--or even late afternoons--so hard?

Megan

Megan
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 4:12pm
Hmmm...sometimes I find it a bit rude or insensitive about an invitation to a child's party during that time and day..anyway, whatever reason...to answer your question, no I wouldn't let Xan go with some other parent I do not know well. Jeepers (jeepers?!) I get nervous when he gets taken to an occasional soccer game by our friend's across the street (friends we've know for 20 years) and even when I know they use Xan's booster in their vehicle. That's just me. And you're right, I couldn't drive another kid around if I didn't know them or their parents well...

Asia

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 5:24pm
Let me start off by saying that DH and I are lucky because we both have very understanding bosses and I realize not everyone can say that. We would probably arrange it so that one of us would take dd to the party and the other one would pick her up.

Amy

Amy, Mom to Shelby (5/97) & Emily (4/01)

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 5:45pm
OK, I'll go and be different here! Yes, I have volunteered to drive other people's kids around in my car, lots of times, even when I haven't known the parents more than to say hello to. That was how my DS's 3 YO preschool managed field trips - they got volunteer moms and dads to drive. I did tell the school that I would ONLY take children with boosters. And I have brought some of DS's friends here whose parents I have only met in passing. (I tell them that I have an extra booster and would expect their child to ride in it. When I have had more than one over, I ask that someone bring one.) I do know the children and vice versa fairly well, as I volunteer for things a LOT at my son's school, and I'm sure the parents know that. (You can bet there are some kids I would NOT invite over to my home without their parent being there!) I personally do not let my son go anywhere I have not been myself, or with anyone I do not know, but I feel that is entirely up to each parent to decide. (That's why I volunteer to do the driving - no one is going to be more protective of my kid than me!)

And no, I don't think it's inappropriate that the mother scheduled the party during the day. Frankly, (as a SAHM) I prefer going to parties on weekday afternoons, because we really try to make weekends family time. Plus, DS's friends often have older sibs that are in sports, etc. on weekends, which complicates who can attend things then. As a practical matter it may make things difficult for some kids to attend, but it's always within your power to say "no" and that's what I would expect someone to do if they weren't comfortable with the arrangements. I don't think it's rude at all for her to have offered and I find others' comments to that effect perplexing.

I do have to laugh a bit, Kathy, because I wonder how much of this is a "firstborn/only" kind of thing. The kids I take around have ALL been later-born children. I mentioned that one time to the mother of one of the kids I was driving around, and she said she was like that with her firstborn too. By the time she got to her third child, she says she was just so happy to have one kid out of the house for a few hours she'd have passed him off to just about anyone who offered, LOL! (I know she was just kidding, but. . . I got the point.) ;-) As far as what to tell her if you change your mind about letting your daughter go? I would absolutely just tell the woman, of course it's nothing personal but you've realized you're just not comfortable having your daughter ride with someone you don't know. It sounds like you're dealing with a pretty considerate mom here, so I can't imagine she'd be so insensitive as to take offense at that perfectly understandable truth. And if she did, well, you wouldn't want your daughter over there anyway if that was the kind of person she was!

Good luck in whatever you decide.

Donna (who is rooting for the Orangemen to wipe the floor with Kansas tonight, LOL! It's snowing AGAIN (2-7" expected, we just got over another big storm AND an ice storm, we could use the mood elevator up here!)

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Mon, 04-07-2003 - 5:54pm
Well, the good news is that my parents can pick her up from school and take her to the party. I agree with you and it was very nice of her to offer to take her to the party and back to preschool. And, I guess it's just "us" working parents who find it somewhat inconvenient to go to a party during the day. But by your expanation it makes perfect sense why a mom would want to do this.

Thanks for your "other side".

Kathy (who is rooting for KU ALL THE WAY!!!!!!! DH has been a long-time KU fan although he went to a small college in Missouri. He and my brother had QUITE the bet going during the KU/Duke game as my brother is a Duke grad).

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Mon, 04-07-2003 - 6:35pm
I wasn't saying that it was rude of her to offer but, to expect everyone to just say "ok, I don't know you but, you can take my child" would be rude. Personally in this day and age I don't think others should put people on the spot like that and make you feel as if you're the only one not going with the flow. I had a mom offer to pick my son up and take him to Chuck E Cheese and I had never met her or spoke to her before in my life!! I know she had good intentions but, it really put me on the spot. That's all I was saying. Also, I have to add that I have a neighbor who has that "Oh it's your first attitude" and it drives me nuts!!:0) Since she has 3 kids, she's an expert!!LOL!! I do the exact same thing with my second as I did my first... oh well different strokes for different folks!!:0)

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 8:38pm
Oh, sure, I agree with you. It would be rude if that were her attitude. I guess I just read this as someone who was trying to be particularly considerate, not someone who was putting Kathy on the spot. Funny how we can get different things from the same post! (And I wasn't referring to you specifically, either - you weren't the only poster who suggested the woman was being rude in one way or another.)

I also agree with you that it is in general colossally annoying to hear from people with more than one child that I am the way I am with my son because he's an "only." I just found it curious that both the original poster and all the people who responded, with the exception of you, and I don't know about Meganmca, were parents of either onlies or dealing with situations like this for the first time with their firstborns. I'm a secondborn, and I know MY folks sure were a lot more relaxed with respect to certain things regarding me than they were with my brother! ;-) So it just makes me wonder.

Donna

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 11:56pm
Oh, that's good!

Wow, what a game, BTW! I can't believe that SU pulled it out. (SU wasn't even ranked at the beginning of the season!) I do feel bad for KU though, they sure looked hot coming out for the 2d half.

Donna

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