Daughter crazy about her dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2009
Daughter crazy about her dad
6
Fri, 09-13-2013 - 9:26pm

My daughter, 22 months old, is crazy about her dad and dosent want to leave him even for a minute. If he goes to another room she follows along. I am totally insivible for her and she does not bother if she hasnt seen me all day long.

Both my husband and I have too demanding jobs and he travels and is home only for the weekend. I initially thought its because I am with her and he goes away and she misses him that she dosent want to let him go out of sight when he is home. But I have travelled too and been away from her for a few weeks, she didnt even smile when I got back as if she didnt even miss me after a week of separation.

When he is at home he fully dedicates all his time to her, right from feeding to bathing, playing, everything. And I used to relax a bit after the tough week. But for the past 2 weeks we both have been at home but nothing has changed, she does not even come to me, says hi or talks to me. And is probably saying 'I love you' to him every now and then. On one hand I feel good they enjoy each other so much I feel left out. My husband dosent think it is a problem at all. But it is to me.

I know and understand people say this is just a phase and it will pass by but I cant take this anymore. Its been more than a year she has been doing this and it kills me a little everytime she pushes me away. It has gotten me so depressed that I am losing interest in her and life altogether. Sometimes I feel I should not talk to her so she may want to come back to me but I cant do that. I have tried many ways of dealing with this in the past year but nothing has worked so far - I tried being as much fun as he is, tried talking to her like he does, tried letting her do what she wishes to do (he spoils her royally).

Can anyone please suggest a way to keep my mental balance. I am losing it now. 

Thanks much!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Sat, 09-14-2013 - 8:49am

Its tough. Dads are always WAY more fun then moms at least in my house. I have 2 boys so it was only a matter of time before dad just became cooler. We both work too but I am with them more so I do think its dad is a novelity kind of thing and then also especially as they get older dad is just into more of things they like.

Now there has always been some sort of balance. Mom was always the one when they were sick or scared and dad yells more and mom is less strict. In the spring my oldest had another surgery. It was number 5 and its always mom that goes back with him when they put him under and then in the preop room he decided it was dad and I was devistated. This was OUR thing (I know odd thing to be our thing but everything else is dad dad dad dad) I hurt. I was emotional enough that day and that was like sticking a knfe in and twisting. Even the next morning waking up dad can't stay in the hospital (no one else would sleep) and it was when is dad getting here and I'm like I was up with you every other hour to take you to the bathroom, clean up your vomit, help the nurse change your bedding and clothes and this is the thanks I get???

Seeing you have a girl maybe if you try to schedule some mother daughter things. She is still young and I am sure its more dad is awesome because dads have their own rules and mom is down to business but you just need to find ways to find something you and her can have fun doing. Yes my boys are all about dad but there are still some mom and son things that just we do. My kids love the beach my DH not so much so thats a mom your the best thing. Dads more a relax at home on weekends and mom is more lets do something so thats a mom thing. Dad does the sports stuff and the horse play. Its not about doing what her dad does but finding what you 2 can do together and make sure dad stays out.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2009
Mon, 09-16-2013 - 7:42am
Thanks for your response /liamsmom724. I used to have a few things special that only we both used to share and she kinda lost interest. I am going to rekindle some of those things and create a few more so we can have some special moments too.
Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Mon, 09-16-2013 - 12:15pm
I agree with Liamsmom, and want to reinforce that she is still very young! Believe me, I have an 18 year old, 4 and 6 year old and they all go through stages of which parent they like the best at times. My youngest is exactly like yours, except its me that she adores, she's been going to the same daycare for 3 years now and had the same teachers and she still is hard to drop off some days because she clings to me. My DH is gone a lot for work and one time he was gone for a week on business and it wasn't until day 4 that she looked around and was like "where's daddy??" Please don't lose heart, do little things with her that will continue to foster a connection, read books in the evening before bed, etc.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Tue, 09-17-2013 - 12:30pm

When my oldest was younger it was just him and I most nights because my DH worked nights. He switched to days just before my youngest was born. We had a routine and it got changed plus I had this other baby to care for but we still had our morning routine and now thats changing because my youngest is in school and then at the same I never had some of the same one on one with my youngest my oldest got. Its just finding the balance.

My DH feels the same. he had a totally different bonding experience with our first. Again he worked nights could help with late nigh feedings since he worked later. Plus there were feeding issues and such. My youngest was an easier baby and didn't kile being held as much. Couldn't get comfy as my other would nozzle into dad's chest like a key in a lock. And then DH had to work mornings so it was all me at night. By the time he came along older having daddy home at night was new too so older DS was always fighting for his attention and for the longest time he was with dad and I had the baby. Even now its hard for DH to do something with just my little one because older one wants in. Last night DH came up with an idea to go to circus and oldest isn;t interest but little one is so DH wants just it to be just a dad and me and I'm excited too because I want a mom and me with my oldest.

Its about finding a balance but there will be highs and lows. Half the time I feel like the mean parent while he is the fun one...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2008
Mon, 11-04-2013 - 9:10pm

I feel for you. My son is completely daddy-centered.

Kristy

Siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2013
Thu, 01-30-2014 - 5:02pm

Don't let it affect you so deeply ! Have you tried one on one time with her focused on playing with her favorite toys ?

I am a full time nanny for two toddlers and fully understand the frustration, but you can't let it take over your mind set. Put on a brave face for your daughter and keep giving her your all ! Save all your frustration and aggravation for here, where you have support.

 

    -Erin