Do you know why dd doesn't poop in the toilet? Is she scared to use the toilet for pooping? Does she have a regular pooping time that you can catch her in the act and redirect her to the toilet?
It sounds to me like dd is too comfortable using her pants to poop in. When dd poops her pants, she needs to dump the poop in the toilet and help wash out the undies by hand in the sink. You can wash her bottom off in the tub in cool water (not so cold as to be miserable, but not so warm as to be comfortable). There are natural negative consequences when someone poops in their pants. Right now mom or dad is taking on the consequences, doing all the cleaning up and taking care of all the nasty stuff, so dd isn't motivated to stop messing her pants. If helping clean herself up isn't motivation enough for your dd, you'll need to add other negative consequences (loss of TV time or some other privilege). Of course you want to have some rewards on hand for when dd does choose to use the toilet to poop instead of her undies.
Although you don't want your dd to be teased, that's another natural outcome from choosing to poop in her pants. You might mention to dd that other children are going to start to notice the poop smell and wonder who is still pooping in her pants. (Although we try to teach our children to be more kind than to tease, teasing IS still likely to occur.)
Another option is to give your dd an enema every day before she poops her pants. It's a lot more invasive and unpleasant, but it controls when and where your dd poops. It is often beneficial when no other behavioral modifications work.
The difficult part of potty training is helping your child past their fears. It's difficult watching our children struggle, but using the toilet to poop is a necessary life skill that she must learn. She will also feel better about herself once she overcomes this challenge.
Best wishes in helping your dd through this difficult process.
ragdolls4u, Hi and welcome to the Toilet Teaching board.
The previous poster had some great ideas. One thing I would add is, is there something that your DD really wants or somewhere that she really wants to or likes to go. You can tell your DD that when she poops in the potty she will the item she wants or go to where she wants to, and the after seven more times she gets something else. With my oldest DS we used a trip the Chuck E Cheese, and a return trip after he used the potty seven more times. Maybe that can give her the extra motivation she needs. I hope that helps. Please keep us updated on your DD progress.
Thank you for your advise.
Have you tried using plastic panties on her?
while around the house,she can have on just her panties and plastic panties,this way,you will be able to know when she goes without messing up her other clothing or furniture,then take her into the bathroom and give her a cool shower,not cold,then tell her she will be able to stop wearing the plastic panties and have warmer showers to clean off if she at least tries to use the potty.
If you try this,give it about four days and be consistent,then let us know her responses.
What does she say when you ask her about why she poops in her pants? A child that age should be able to tell you. Have you asked her?
I wonder if perhaps she does stool withholding and maybe has stretched her bowel and thus has nerve damage and can't feel it coming on. Are her stools very large? Very loose? Does she poop AT ALL in the potty? Does she start and then finish on the potty? Can you tell when she has to go? Does she hide? What does she do when she has to go? Has she ever had a period where she DID poop in the potty for any length of time however short or long?
I think the first step here is not trying any new things right now, but trying to better understand what is going on. Take a trip to the MD and make sure she is clear physically. How do you react when she goes in her pants? What do you do? Do you act mad? Does she get in trouble? Just trying to see what may be going on. Have you tried using one of those little bjorn potties on the floor that are one solid piece? Some kids have trouble going if their legs are dangling, it's like they can't get the right leverage to push. Also, using a stool under her feet when she is on the big potty may help. You may also want to consider using a non-stimulant laxative, like Miralax to make it easier for her to go - do this in conjunction with your physician's advice. You can get it over the counter though. The key is to start with a VERY small dose and working up until the stool is soft....but still formed. If you power it up and give her terrible diarrhea, that is only going to make the potty even more adverse for her and a big mess for everyone involved. Dietary changes may help, too - does she eat a lot of fiber?