4 years old and no sucess

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
4 years old and no sucess
Tue, 06-16-2009 - 11:53pm

New to this board. I am dating a man that has a 4 year old daughter that is not potty trained. She is great kid and seems age appropriate in all other areas though she

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 06-18-2009 - 3:33pm

Hello mdjkm.

A few questions first please.

you say she is in underpants with the option of pull-ups,does this mean cloth panties or pull-ups?

Disposable diapers/pull-ups do nothing but give her permission to use them.

As she is able to hold it for such a long period of time,but does not want to use the potty,seems to show that it is more of an emotional problem than just not understanding how to use the toilet.

So much has happened to her in her young life,that it will probably take quite some time for her to adjust.

She may have been only 10 months old when she was brought over,but even at that age,she will have been aware of the differance.

As she has been in therapy for only three weeks,lets ride this out for a while longer,this can take years to overcome,but she does seem like a bright young child,so she may respond quite fast as well.

I wish you all the best Blessings.

Please keep us up-dated.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2007
Thu, 06-18-2009 - 11:03pm

Thanks for your reply. She has been in regular panties since April, so lots of puddles on the floor. She holds it whenever anyone but her parenst are around and then she goes on the floor. At least she goes in the kitchen 95% of the time, so not on the rug!

I have two older children myself and my son was very hard to train, plus I did home daycare for years so potty trained many other children, but have never dealt with a 4 year old going months with so many accidents and no sucesses. I agree it is emotional as she obviosly has tremendous bladder control.

I myself would have put her back in pull ups by now, not that that will teach her anything, just could not handle day after day of accidents with no relief in sight. Both parents remain amazingly calm with so many accidents, that some times I think get a little angry and let her feel badly about it. My son is 15 now but he was close to 4 before he trained and I remember so well locking us both in the bathroom for hours with him crying and me saying he could not leave until he peed in the potty. It was a hugely stressful day, but it worked! From that day on he had maybe 2 accidents. I know what works for one does not work for all and I am sure her mom would not support that approach. Has anyone else had luck with taking a strong stance like that when it comes to emotional issues?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 06-19-2009 - 1:52pm

Hello Laurie.

I am from the old school and have had to back off a bit