Finally Decided to Ask for HELP!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2008
Finally Decided to Ask for HELP!!
10
Sat, 02-28-2009 - 5:56pm
Hi, this is my first post here, though I have been reading some threads off and on. A little history. My DD is 3 (1/09) and we finally started potty training a month ago - seriously. We actually was having some measure of success Christmas of 2007 before she turned 2, but it was more of a play type activity. She would sit and do whatever while she was getting several books read to her - LOL! Well, she went back to Parents Day Out and they would only take the 1-2 year old's to the potty if they were consistently going at home. Fine, we put it off for a while longer - I was lazy and didn't mind diapers. Then I got pregnant and had nasty morning sickness and was really tired, so we went into survival mode and stuck with diapers and pull ups. Part of my plan was that after our son was born that she would show more interest in potty training, as babies wear diapers, etc... Sadly, our Precious Bregan grew his wings at 4 days old, so everything changed.
Fast forward a bit... A month ago I went to play BUNCO with some friends and I drove my oldest DS's truck, he borrow my car to take his date to the HS JROTC Ball in. Well, I forgot my diaper bag, but thought - "oh well, she has pooped once, I can take her to pee and she will be fine in her pull up". Wrong - she pooped and no one had children there that were in diapers or pull ups!! So I had to clean her up with paper towels and borrow a pair of size 6 panties from a little girl *blush*. But from that moment forward, I decided we would be serious about potty training and I was done with "clean diapers". We stuttered and bumped for a couple of days on her peeing, but we got through it with lots of panties and plastic pants (which are hard to come by since Gerber has changed their design). So four weeks, my DD only has the occasional pee accident, she still sleeps in a pull up at night, which is soaked in the morning. But here is the problem: she won't poop in the toilet!! Not one nugget!! She will poop in her panties and she is sometimes so regular, that her teachers at preschool will put her in a pull up at certain time in anticipation of her pooping (they got tired of cleaning her up with panties on). I can sometimes anticipate it, but I don't like to put her in a diaper for that. I do keep plastic pants on her while we out so she does not ruin her clothing and I ask her rather often if she needs to poop. Just today we were at the pass and id office and I thought I smelled her passing gas and I asked if she needed to go poop in the potty - nope she wouldn't go and of course she pooped 5 minutes later! Argh!! I try to get her to sit and poop, but she pees, lets a poot and gets off of the toilet. She knows that I have a special present for her when she finally poops on the potty, I also told her I would bake her a cake and invite her friends over for a party. She is not so great with the delayed gratification, so I do give her stickers every time she goes to pee and I even have a small potty in the trunk of my car for her to use while we are out (great for when they have to pee right that moment).
Also, my husband is in the Army and he is away in a school at the present until the end of April. He did come home for the long weekend on 13th-16th, but we also stay in touch with the webcam and phone. He left in January, not quite two months after Bregan passed away. Ny DD is also very spirited and strong willed - if you look up temper tantrums, you will see her picture! LOL! So, I am sorry this is soooo long, but I need some help. Any suggestions or solutions would greatly be appreciated. Thank you in advanced!
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Thank You snrforever for an awesome siggy! And meant2bamommie for my blinkie!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Twzb1dVDgsI

http://rememberingbregan.blogspot.com/


Dianne
Wife to Super, Awesome, No Limits US Army Solider - Matthew.
Mummy to DS - Dakota John - 17 yo.,
Mummy to DD - Aidan Isabella - 2 1/2 yo.,
Mummy to DS Angel - Bregan Michael - 3 1/2 days old 11/23-11/27/2008,
2 x Miscarriage Survivor 2003 & 2004.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2005
Sat, 02-28-2009 - 7:44pm

First off, I'm so sorry for your loss. What a terrible heartache!

To address your concerns, your dd preschool teachers are on the right track to let your dd have a diaper/pull-up to poop in. Using a diaper/pull-up reduces messes, prevents your dd from thinking it's okay to poop in the wrong place (underpants) and will enable you to work on poop potty training more effectively at a later time.

Tell your dd she CAN have a diaper/pull-up to poop in. When she needs to poop, she has to ask for a diaper/pull-up. She is praised for pooping in the correct spot (diaper/pullup or toilet), and she gets negative consequences for pooping in the wrong spot (undies).

After several weeks of your dd asking for a pull-up, choose a day to begin poop potty training. On the designated day, when your dd asks for a diaper, take her to the toilet instead. Since she'll have asked for a diaper, you'll know her urges are strong. Take her to the toilet, sit with her, empathize with her fears, but insist she poop. If you think she'll try to withhold her poop, you can give her a 1/2 dose of a NON-stimulant laxative (Miralax, Benefiber, Milk of Magnesia or mineral oil) every day during poop potty training. Non-stimulant laxatives are mild and are safe for long-term, daily use (you don't want to use senna-based products or other stimulant laxatives daily, tho, 'cus the body can become dependent on that type of laxative).

Also, nighttime potty training is different than daytime potty training. First your dd body must develop a hormone that signals the kidneys to slow urine production while her body is asleep. Without that hormone, she will produce too much urine to stay dry at night. Eventually you'll see your dd having less wet diapers or occasional dry diapers, and you'll know your dd is developing the necessary hormone. At that point you can begin limiting fluids before bed and awakening your dd to use the toilet before you go to bed, to start training her body to stay dry all night.

Best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2004
Sat, 02-28-2009 - 9:50pm

Dianne, Hi and welcome to the Toilet Teaching board.

I am sorry for your loss.

For the potty training, the previous poster had great advice. What I would add is when your DD needs to poop have her ask for a diaper, and then have her go into the bathroom, she can stand in there, sit on the floor, whatever she is comfortable with. After a week when she asks for a diaper to poop, have her sit on the the potty with the diaper and her clothes on. After another week or so, try cutting a hole in the middle/back and have her sit on the potty, this way most of the poop will fall through when she goes. After another week or so, have her try sitting on the potty, if she still has some issues with pooping on the potty, put a belt or tie something around her waist. This will help her relax the muscles that she needs to poop, it has become a comfort factor with the diaper on.

As for night night, like the previous poster stated, there is a hormone that the body creates. That happens on it owns.

I hope that helps. Please keep us updated on your DD progress.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2008
Sat, 02-28-2009 - 11:11pm
I will tell the preschool teachers to keep putting a diaper on her during her regular poop time. She usually goes at playtime for some odd reason. I did speak to her tonight about asking for a diaper or a pull up to go poop in, so I will keep reinforcing that with her as well. It is a mess to clean up from panties, but sometimes I get lucky and get a firmer solid and easy to dump into the toilet.
I wasn't aware of the hormone, but I knew she wasn't anywhere near being night time trained. Sometimes her pull up is really full and heavy after 10-11 hours of sleep. We have been limiting her fluid intake during the day until she could get used to asking to use the toilet. At first I was worried she was going to get dehydrated, but she will ask for something if she is thirsty and she eats a lot of fruit and yogurt daily.
Thank you so much for your input!
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Thank You snrforever for an awesome siggy! And meant2bamommie for my blinkie!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Twzb1dVDgsI

http://rememberingbregan.blogspot.com/


Dianne
Wife to Super, Awesome, No Limits US Army Solider - Matthew.
Mummy to DS - Dakota John - 17 yo.,
Mummy to DD - Aidan Isabella - 2 1/2 yo.,
Mummy to DS Angel - Bregan Michael - 3 1/2 days old 11/23-11/27/2008,
2 x Miscarriage Survivor 2003 & 2004.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2008
Sat, 02-28-2009 - 11:22pm
Thank you for your response. I had read your suggestion about cutting a hole in the diaper with someone else, I wasn't sure if that would work with a little girl though. Or maybe I thought there was some other magic cure you could whisper in my ear - LOL! I am really hoping that if I can get her to poop in a diaper then later just transition her to the toilet when she is at least telling me when she needs to go.
Also, she has been wearing pull ups (well Dora Easy Ups) for 10 months, she calls them "clean diapers". Before she started wearing panties, in the morning when she got up, she would ask for a clean diaper. Do you think I should stick with those or go back to a real diaper?? Do you think it would have a positive effect on her regarding using the toilet for pooping in? I don't want her to digress completely. But I think sometimes at preschool they do use a diaper on her instead of a pull up for simplicity reasons.
Thank you for your input.
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Thank You snrforever for an awesome siggy! And meant2bamommie for my blinkie!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Twzb1dVDgsI

http://rememberingbregan.blogspot.com/


Dianne
Wife to Super, Awesome, No Limits US Army Solider - Matthew.
Mummy to DS - Dakota John - 17 yo.,
Mummy to DD - Aidan Isabella - 2 1/2 yo.,
Mummy to DS Angel - Bregan Michael - 3 1/2 days old 11/23-11/27/2008,
2 x Miscarriage Survivor 2003 & 2004.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2008
Sun, 03-01-2009 - 4:55pm
Well last night and today we talked about her asking for a "clean diaper" when she needed to go poop. Of course she didn't, she pooped in her panties instead. When she is at home, she is very unpredictable about her BM's, but at preschool she usually goes during playtime. So do I just keep asking her if she would like a diaper or try to figure out her routine? Thank you again!
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Thank You snrforever for an awesome siggy! And meant2bamommie for my blinkie!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Twzb1dVDgsI

http://rememberingbregan.blogspot.com/


Dianne
Wife to Super, Awesome, No Limits US Army Solider - Matthew.
Mummy to DS - Dakota John - 17 yo.,
Mummy to DD - Aidan Isabella - 2 1/2 yo.,
Mummy to DS Angel - Bregan Michael - 3 1/2 days old 11/23-11/27/2008,
2 x Miscarriage Survivor 2003 & 2004.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2004
Sun, 03-01-2009 - 9:51pm
Dianne, Personally I would go back to diapers, as they are cheaper, that is my opinion. When your DD has an accident, have her help clean up. Have her rinse out her panties and pants, and put them in the hamper, washer, or where you want them. Also have her get herself dressed again.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2008
Thu, 03-05-2009 - 8:27pm
She is not asking for a diaper or a pull up. I bought some regular size 5 diapers and she totally hates them, she would rather be in a pull up. Today at preschool I sent a diaper for them to put on her during play time instead of a pull up or them having to use their supply of diapers, but she didn't poop. She told her teacher during rest time that she had "go". So she sat on the toilet for nearly 10 minutes and only peed and said she pooped. So, no poop at preschool, but then this evening she pooped in her panties. She had already had one pee accident while watching TV. I made her both times wash out her panties and take them to the hamper. I had even asked her if she wanted a diaper or a pull up earlier in the evening and she kept telling me no.
So what now? She has been somewhat potty trained for peeing for nearly a month, but she is not catching onto the pooping part. What other tactics do you ladies recommend?
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Thank You snrforever for an awesome siggy! And meant2bamommie for my blinkie!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Twzb1dVDgsI

http://rememberingbregan.blogspot.com/


Dianne
Wife to Super, Awesome, No Limits US Army Solider - Matthew.
Mummy to DS - Dakota John - 17 yo.,
Mummy to DD - Aidan Isabella - 2 1/2 yo.,
Mummy to DS Angel - Bregan Michael - 3 1/2 days old 11/23-11/27/2008,
2 x Miscarriage Survivor 2003 & 2004.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2005
Fri, 03-06-2009 - 11:05pm

I got the sense from your earlier posts that your dd DOES have the ability to recognize her bodily urges, both for pee and poop, is that right? I just want to make sure that this is a behavioral problem (fears, stubborn, etc), rather than a physical problem (not being able to recognize when she needs to eliminate). If you think your dd might not recognize her body's signals to toilet, then I'd say back off for a few months and try again later. If you're pretty sure that your dd is ready but just not yet willing, then here are some more ideas.

What was your dd reaction to washing out the undies? If she doesn't mind washing out undies, then you need to add additional consequences (loss of TV time or some other attractive privilege) in addition to still washing out her own soiled undies.

Right now pooping in undies is more desirable to your dd than pooping in a pull-up or toilet. You need to make pooping in undies an unpleasant enough experience for your dd that she begins to desire to poop in an approved location (toilet or pull-up).

You can additionally create a reward box with a variety of rewards for pooping in the right spot (something like a couple of M&M's for pooping in a pull-up, or a $1 store prize for pooping in the toilet). The rewards need to be where your dd can see them and anticipate them. You might want to let dd help choose the rewards.

Eating is supposed to provide the body with a natural laxative effect, so you might want to have your dd sit on the toilet for 10-15 minutes approx 1/2 hour after mealtimes to see whether she can produce anything. She doesn't HAVE to poop, but she does have to sit on the toilet during that time. You can reserve special books/toys to be used ONLY during toilet sit time. Additionally, you can let your dd blow on balloons or blow-out party favors since blowing on them uses the same muscles as needed for pooping.

Another option is to try the naked method. When your dd gets home in the afternoons/evenings, keep her naked from the waist on down, so she doesn't have any undies to poop in (unless you think she'd just poop on the furniture or floor).

A more invasive and unpleasant approach is to use pediatric enemas daily until your dd is willing to poop in an appropriate location. By using the enemas, you control when and where your dd poops.

And, finally, it's okay for your dd to not be toilet trained yet. I know it limits some fun things for her, but she is NOT so old yet that I'd worry about it too much. If you and she are both ready, then keep working on it. If this becomes too much of a battle, don't feel badly about backing off for awhile.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2008
Sat, 03-07-2009 - 12:08am
These are some great ideas! I do have some $1 treats and I give her a sticker for each pee. But you are right I do need to make the special things more visual to her. I think it's stubbornness and fear. Today she pooped twice in her panties - once at MOMS Club and once at home. I was sitting right next to her at the dining table and then she started getting quiet and then I saw her face! I rushed her into the bathroom, but she was done. She also had two pee accidents, but she was also drinking a lot of fluids today, more than normal.
It really doesn't bother her to wash out her panties and take them to the hamper. Sometimes if the solid falls out when I am pulling her panties off, I make her take the wipe and pick it up and put in the toilet, she doesn't seem to mind that neither - yuck!
I will try some of these new ideas with her. I think it may be a little bit though. I don't mind cleaning up after her, but I do stress for her preschool teachers and babysitter, but they are still understanding which really helps. Thank you so much!!
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Thank You snrforever for an awesome siggy! And meant2bamommie for my blinkie!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Twzb1dVDgsI

http://rememberingbregan.blogspot.com/


Dianne
Wife to Super, Awesome, No Limits US Army Solider - Matthew.
Mummy to DS - Dakota John - 17 yo.,
Mummy to DD - Aidan Isabella - 2 1/2 yo.,
Mummy to DS Angel - Bregan Michael - 3 1/2 days old 11/23-11/27/2008,
2 x Miscarriage Survivor 2003 & 2004.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Tue, 04-28-2009 - 9:53am
I agree. I would definately go back to putting her in diapers!