Freaking out a bit. Need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2006
Freaking out a bit. Need advice
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 1:51am

I'm kinda freaking out and I need some objective perspective.

Carter is having some potty training "issues".

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 2:28pm

I LOVE your sister's advice. I think it's important to talk to your son about the potty and explain everything -- and cue him in other ways like reading books, etc.

The summer is coming up -- I think you should relax. Let him go bare-bottom for a few days and stay close to home, if that's what it takes.

From everything I've heard, I'd advise not to go the route of "being super disappointed" when he won't go in the potty. If anything, I fear that will backfire and cause real problems. I don't think you should ever show ANY disappointment when he doesn't go in the potty -- just be calm and businesslike about the fact that it happened and cleaning it up as well, like you expected it and it's not a big deal. I don't think you should call it an "accident" -- IMO, that's when we fall and skin our knee. Things not going as planned in the potty training world is 100% to be expected. As far as asking him to help you clean it up, I'd even say this strikes me as punitive (as opposed to helping to clean up toys he's played with, which IMO should always happen). But I'm not sure about this, and wonder if anyone else has an opinion?

That said: I have a 22 month old and I'm not having an easy time of it. I also have a deadline, because she has to be potty trained for Montessori school in September. I'm just determined not to punish/show disapproval - OR to overly praise or give rewards. I am encouraging in the "You did it!" way, not in the "You pleased me" way. I want her to do it because it's an important physical milestone and -- like everything else -- I want her to be motivated by her own satisfaction at achieving something, not at whether she is pleasing or disappointing me.

But hey...I hear you, and wish it was easier. I just feel that showing intense disapproval in any sphere is more likely to backfire and cause harm than being patient and encouraging (without too much reward/praise on this end, either).

Edited 4/2/2010 2:32 pm ET by thebayareagirl

Edited 4/2/2010 2:37 pm ET by thebayareagirl

Edited 4/2/2010 2:37 pm ET by thebayareagirl

Edited 4/2/2010 2:38 pm ET by thebayareagirl