Frustrated and in need of any advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2008
Frustrated and in need of any advice
2
Sat, 08-08-2009 - 12:21pm

My son is 2 1/2 years old and was taking his diaper off, removing the onesie and the diaper, refusing to wear diaper, etc. That was Wednesday, so I completely went with it and told him - If you're going to take off your diaper, we are going to wear big boy pants from now on. Threw out all diapers and wear nothing but a t-shirt and underwear. Today is Saturday morning. He has been wetting during naps, wetting during the night, wets during play, never tells me when he has to go, hasn't pooped in 2 days.

I used the three day potty training plan, which is nothing but positive praise and giving the child control of his body. "Are your pants dry?" "You let mommy know when you need to use the potty chair" Tons of praise. Catch him in the act of "going" and get him to the toilet immediately. The problem is, he is so tired of me coaching him, he refuses to talk to me anymore.

Now on day 4, there seems to be no progress. He now refuses to tinkle on the toilet where he was doing it yesterday. Am I expecting too much? It doesn't seem that anything is sinking into his thick skull.

I'm just stressed here, with my 4 year old picking her nose to get nosebleeds for attention and my 15 month old desperate for attention, too, I'm at the end of my rope!

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Andrea, Wife to Jeff, Mom to Anna, Gabriel and Madeline
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And
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2005
Sat, 08-08-2009 - 2:29pm

Daytime and sleep-time potty training are two completely separate things. Nighttime and naptime potty training are out of your control. Your ds body must develop the hormone that signals the kidneys to slow urine production when the body is asleep. Without it, the body produces too much urine to stay dry.

Once your ds shows signs of being able to stay dry at night (less full diapers and/or occasional dry nights) then you can begin limiting fluids before bed and taking him to the toilet once during the night to help him learn to awaken to the sensations of a full bladder. Some children develop this hormone very early, but a good percentage of children don't develop it until later and are still bedwetters in elementary school.

As far as daytime potty training goes, if potty training right now is a stressful time for you to do it, there's nothing wrong with delaying it awhile. For me personally, it's not worth it for ME to push my child to be ready if it means I have more messes and stress to deal with. It makes potty training very unpleasant for me and my child.

If you feel like you want to continue working with your child right now, then you might want to get some thick training underpants and vinyl underpants covers to go over them (like the covers for cloth diapers -- in fact, some training underpants come with a built-in vinyl layer). It keeps the wetness against your ds skin to promote cause-effect awareness and to make wetting a less pleasant option than being dry. It also reduces the messes as you potty train. It additionally means you don't have to do as much coaching but allows your ds to experience natural consequences of being wet.

If you ds is withholding poop, you can give him a small dose of a mild, non-stimulant laxative (stool softener type laxative) to make his poop softer and more difficult to withhold. Some good ones are Miralax, Benefiber, Milk of Magnesia, Fiber Choice (with inulin) and mineral oil. Non-stimulant laxatives (stool softeners) are safe for long-term daily use (stimulant laxatives -- often senna based products -- are not recommended for long-term use since the body can become dependent on them).

Best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2008
Sat, 08-08-2009 - 2:43pm

Thanks for your advice. I'm just starting to think that maybe he is not physiologically ready to potty train, despite the fact that he (may) still take off his diapers. He may also be getting his 3 year molars, I'm not sure. I think for both of us and our sanity, I will put him back in diapers. I'm sure this was a huge lesson for both of us, but I will not push him to train until I read all his signs that he is ready. I guess dh and I were feeling pressure from other people who have younger children than ds and their toddlers are already potty trained. Ds has always been different than any other child we've had or ever known, so he just needs more time and patience.

Thanks again for your advice and help. I'll also try onesies on backwards if he won't keep the diapers on, just to keep them on. (sigh of relief!)

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Andrea, Wife to Jeff, Mom to Anna, Gabriel and Madeline
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And