Getting nowhere...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
Getting nowhere...
3
Tue, 01-27-2009 - 8:19pm

Hi there.

I usually hang around the Baby Names Boards, but I decided to look around and found this one. Maybe someone has advice that can help me, because I am getting no where with potty training my son.

He turned three in October. We have been trying to potty train since he turned two and he started showing interest in going potty "like Mommy and Daddy". Before his baby brother was born in September he was doing pretty good, off and on. He was excited to sit on the potty, and usually went when he did. No #2's, but he peed in the potty. After his brother was born (which I know its common for them to regress after a big life change, but his brother is almost five months old now!) he completely stopped wanting to sit on the potty. We have to bribe him just to sit on it and even then, he rarely goes. The only progress we have made is he went #2 on the toilet two times. Each time he sat for awhile with a magazine and eventually went. We made a big deal of it, and he was really excited at the time, but later when we ask him if he wants to do it again its always "NO". He is starting to hide when he goes #2 in his pants, and then will tell someone to change him. I always thought this was a sign they are "ready", but he absolutely refuses to even sit on the potty most of the time. I'm beginning to worry he won't be able to start preschool next fall because he won't be potty trained. Another thing, for awhile he was staying dry at night, so in the morning I would put him on the toilet and he would go. That worked pretty good for awhile, but now he is wetting every night again. We've tried asking him to sit on the potty every hour just to try, but he says "NO" and gets mad if we push the matter. We've tried putting him in just underwear or letting him be naked around the house, but he won't tell us when he has to go, he just pees in his underwear or on the floor, and THEN comes and tells us about it. I'm getting frustrated, which I know isn't good, because you aren't supposed to show any frustration towards them when they aren't successful. Other people (including his doctor) has just said that he is normal and that when he is ready, he'll be READY. But I just don't know. I feel like I am failing, that I am not doing enough. He's big for his age, and its even getting hard finding diapers that fit him. We put him in Pull Ups sometimes, but he just thinks they are diapers, not "big boy pants" and will just go in them like diapers.

Whew, its good to get that all out. So what should we do? Just quit trying completely until he is "ready" whenever that is? And how will we know when he is ready? When he just starts using the toilet? Is there another method we should be trying? Help! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

-Chrysalis

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2004
Wed, 01-28-2009 - 11:33am

Chrysalis, Hi and welcome to the Toilet Teaching board.

First let me say that many people have felt like they were getting nowhere, but the truth is that every time we train we are getting closer to the goal of them being trained.

You mentioned that your DS will go and hide when he needs to go, that is a sign of being ready. He knows the feeling and what is going to happen. What I would suggest, is making up a rewards chart. What I did with my oldest DS is asked him what he wanted for his big reward when he filled his chart, we did cars, Thomas trains, balloons, and a couple trips to Chuck E Cheese. Each time he used the potty he put the stamp on his chart, and usually one on him also, he was always so proud of being full of stamps at the end of the day, and he enjoyed washing them off because he knew he would get more the next day. The first two charts we did, we went out in advance and bought the items so he could see them, and then we just put the money aside and told him when his chart was full we would go out and buy or go where he wanted. With my youngest DS every time he went potty he would get money to put in his bank. With my oldest the hardest part was trying to find the right combination of methods that worked for him. We tried many and took many breaks until we found what worked which was the naked method and the rewards chart.

What you may want to do is pick a date and have your DS mark the calendar with a sticker or something and this is the day to start the training. If you choose to do a rewards chart make sure to take your DS out and get what he wants, and have it where he can be reminded that he will get it as soon as he fills his chart. I hope that helps. Please keep us updated on our DS progress.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2005
Wed, 01-28-2009 - 6:34pm

Some other ideas are to have your ds wear thick training pants with plastic pants over them. The plastic pants will reduce the messes, and the thick training pants will help hold the wetness against your ds skin to make it less comfortable. When ds wets, HE needs to be responsible for taking them off, putting them where they belong and putting on dry pants. You can help if needed, but he needs to accept the consequences and responsibility of wetting himself.

For pooping, if ds poops his pants, he needs to help dump the poop in the toilet and wash the undies out by hand in the sink. You can give your ds the option of ASKING for a pull-up or diaper every time he needs to poop. After a few weeks of his asking for a diaper to poop in, you can designate a day to poop potty train again. On the appointed day, when he asks for a diaper, take him to the toilet instead. Since he'll have asked for a diaper, you'll know his urge to poop is strong, so take advantage of it and have ds sit on the toilet.

Definitely also use the positive consequence/rewards mentioned in the PP for your ds successes.

Best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
Wed, 01-28-2009 - 10:02pm

Thank you for your advice!

My DH had actually suggested we try the reward chart with stickers, because DS does love stickers. It is a good idea and I think we will try it. I'm not sure about the training pants thing because a lot of the time he simply doesn't care that his pants are dirty. Occasionally he'll asked to be changed, but that's usually only after we ask him if he has pooped in his pants. I don't know, I think we'll try the sticker chart next and if that doesn't work I'll look for some of those cloth training pants and try that. Thanks again for your suggestions! I'll keep you updated!

-Chrysalis